“C’mon mother!” pleaded Alphonse,
“I’m finally 15, and you promised you’d take me with you when you leave for
Black Friday”
“I suppose we did,” replied his
mother, “but to be frank: I do not believe you are old enough to witness the
savagery of the peasants there…”
“Oh let him join us for the love of
Apollo!” yelled his father, “If he doesn’t come this year, when will he ever
learn to love Black Friday?”
Sweet,
I’m finally going with mother and father this year! Ah well, I better mark my calendar. Hmm… November… 102 A.P…. Ah there!
Alphonse was now eagerly waiting for
the day that he would finally be able to join his parents during the Black
Friday rush, which was now tomorrow night. Alphonse rushed up the stairs to the
5th floor where he gave all his clothes to his butler and all his
extras to his maid and proceeded to pray to Apollo before he went to bed. As
Alphonse stood up to get in bed, the sight of smoke from his left side window
caught his attention and he decided to look out the window for a better look.
Why
must these peasants ALWAYS burn fire at this time of night?! Let me see,
there’s about… 15 burning cans tonight?! Well it’s too late to be wasting time
with these low-lives.
Going now to his right side window,
Alphonse’s eyes were instantly lit up when his eyes caught sight of the lights
shining brightly from the many luxurious houses that seemed almost endless.
Each and every house was lit up and none were shorter than 6 stories tall.
Muuuuuch
better! I wonder if the Elrics will be there tomorrow night? They seem to be
gone every Black Friday was well. Oh! Would you look at the time!
Quicker than Apollo himself,
Alphonse rushed into his bed and fell asleep as soon as humanly possible,
dreaming of all the gifts he would be receiving and all the trampling people
would talk about.
Today was that day, the fated Black
Friday.
As Alphonse traveled down the long
underground road in the family train car, all he could see was the bright red
railing they were traveling along and all he could imagine was all the gold he
would be around, all the gifts he would be receiving, and all the peasants he
would see. The ride the family’s destination was a mere 15 minutes but to Alphonse,
it felt as if he turned 16 in that car.
When Alphonse finally got out of the
train car, he was met with a huge gold coliseum, not the gold shopping mall he
was desperately waiting to see. He was so confused that his excitement faded
the instant he saw that huge doorway to the coliseum but the confusion finally
turned to understanding after a moment.
Oh!
Because the way people shop here are so vicious and savage, they’re like
gladiators! It’s like a metaphor, right? Well it matters not, I’m finally here!
As Alphonse and his family
approached the door, a bouncer stopped them, examined them and led them to a
cable car. This cable car would take them to the top of this coliseum and give
them a bird’s eye view of the arena, but Alphonse was not aware of this. He was
still was in a world where he was getting gifts today and making tons of
peasants jealous. His love for Black Friday would soon be completely destroyed.
The top of the coliseum had many
viewing platforms, like a fancy opera house, and had chairs made of gold and
lined with rubies the size of tennis balls. As Alphonse took a seat between his
parents, he was wondering why they were sitting at all for Black Friday, but
before he can even produce a sound, a tall, skinny man dressed in a purple tuxedo
with a black tie came out of one of the pitch black viewing platforms. A bright
light was illuminating him and some people in the coliseum arena. In the arena
were peasants, those who burned cans for heat and stole whatever to get by,
savages.
“GOOD EVENING EVERYONE!” yelled
purple tux, “IS EVERYONE READY FOR THE ANNUAL BLACK FRIDAY CELBRATION? WELL TO
BAD HERE WE GO! TODAY’S FIRST ITEM IS A BRAND NEW GOLD LINED PURSE! ARE YOU
READY SAVAGES? 3…2…1… LET THE SAVINGS BEGIN!!!”
The instant purple tux said “1” the
savages bolted at each other, tackling one another and throwing punches left
and right. This is it, Black Friday is a battle to the death for luxury items
for peasants. This was life or death for them, but to the royals, this was
equivalent to a football game, the Superbowl. As the savages fought, Alphonse’s
face was blank. He was unable to express his emotions and all you could see in
his eyes was the carnage that was Black Friday.
When he came back to his senses, he began
to cry and fell to his knees, but he had no time for crying as the next item
was being produced and announced to the excited crowd. Because of his shock and
all the crying he was still doing, the last words he heard before running to
the cable car were “LET THE SAVINGS BEGIN!!!”
11 comments:
OMG this was crazy!! From start to end, you had me captivated!! Your descriptions of everything from the smoke to the seats was beautifully done. I loved the twist at the end and how it isn't really far from the truth! I enjoyed this Antonio, job well done!
Very well done. I love how you made Black Friday an arena fight. I see the hidden note within the story. Your descriptionso were great. I agree that Black Friday is not what it seems to be.
Very well done. I love how you made Black Friday an arena fight. I see the hidden note within the story. Your descriptionso were great. I agree that Black Friday is not what it seems to be.
Excellent job on this piece Antonio! In my interpretation this piece undermines the uncivilized behavior that some Black Friday shoppers partake in. Overall this was an entertaining read!
I adore this type of narrative! Its a false sense of security and innocent ambition with expectations. It's like these festive Christmas time stories have their own structure built for irony. Great usage of this style and demented story telling!
Excellent writing Antonio! I really did not see that plot twist coming. Some part of me feels like this is how you feel when you go Black Friday shopping LOL. Overall, this was a super creative piece! Keep up the great work!
Joseph Jacinto
Period 5
This was very descriptive and detailed! You had me at every word as if I was watching Alphonse through this whole scene. The message though is insane. It depicted Black Friday in all its "glory." Truly an amazing piece!
-Alexis Carmona
Period 5
Antonio,
This piece was so amazing. All of your allusions and metaphors really gave the deeper meaning with the class division and savagery. Your imagery made me feel the horror Alphonse felt as he realized the actuality of Black Friday. Great piece with a real impact through the social commentary.
Aubrianne Milton
Period 5
This piece took a turn to where I least expected it LOL. I love how descriptive you are with this piece, as the imagery helps me just imagine the whole scene going on within my head. However, I see how there's some truth in the story, and how on Black Friday, we seemingly go crazy just to get the item we so desire. Great piece Antonio, good job!
This was a little different from what I expected. I really liked the way you portrayed the main character through the entire story he was so excited to see "Black Friday". He knew exactly what it was going into it and he was genuinely excited for it. But as he realized the significance of the day he gradually got more and more horrified until he actually saw the carnage and it crushed his soul. The escalation of the event for both the reader and the main character is fantastic, especially since he was nearly as clueless as us. Great job man !!!
-Marvin Virola
P5
Dude. The use of imagery and detail in this was quite effective. I was definitely surprised at the twist ending. Overall, great piece man. Keep up the good work
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