Okay, I think I have everything.
Shampoo, conditioner, razor, shaving cream, lotion, crap I forgot hand soap.
Okay, well I have a louffa, toothpaste, I think my toothbrush is still good,
makeup removing wipes, oh man I forgot face wash. It’s okay; I’ll live without
it. It’s not worth getting out of line now. I’m almost to the front and I’m
sure another week without a face wash cannot produce any more acne than it
already has. Where was I? Oh yes, okay I have notebooks, led, printing paper
and index cards. I think that’s it. Mental checklist number one, check. Mental
checklist number do; what do I have to do today? Well, I don’t think I have
government homework but I have a test Friday so I should probably study… But
that’ll be last on the list. First I need to finish hat scholarship application
I started on. Oh man, I think there’s another scholarship due this weekend and
now that I think of it I have another scholarship due in a week and a half.
Okay well, I’ll do those when I find time. So next I should probably email
lesson plans to the Sunday school teachers at my church. Oh my goodness, I
totally forgot about my online class. Okay, no I have to work on that first,
for at least an hour and a half. But right now, I need to get all of this stuff
home as soon as possible. Jeez why do I wait until it’s absolutely necessary to
come buy everything I need at the store? I’m next; the man in front of me is
taking extra long though. It’s okay, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Patience, patience. I’m going to get my money out so I can be ready when-
-“Hello,
how are you?” Oh man I’m up and I was totally not paying attention. How am I?
Well, I came to the store because I ran out of absolutely everything at my
house but I still forgot some items so I’ll probably have to come back in a day
or two. I don’t have time to come back though. Ugh, I really should get to all
those scholarships. Why is college so expensive?! Oh, I just remembered I need
to complete an application for housing next year. That’s not due until later
though. I have stats homework! I almost forgot! Okay, I’m going to do that
first so I can just get it out of the way. Why has life been so hectic? I have
to maintain my grades, go to work (and apply for a new job because I’m fed up
with mine), find and complete scholarships, help out at my church, and oh man
AP exams are coming up! All of this all while trying to maintain my mental
health by spending at least thirty minutes with my family each day which I must
carefully carve into my schedule. Lets not even get into friends or clubs and
sports. How did I get here? I am a complete mess, barely making time to go to a
convenience store to get basic necessities, standing in front of a random
stranger who literally does not care one bit of my crazy life but is just
polite and well mannered and who is now probably confused by my blank face. I
need to snap back into reality. I have all my thoughts cluttered chaotically in
my brain and am missing out on real life. Okay, now get out of your thoughts.
“I’m good,
thanks.”
Hi Dianna! I enjoyed the simplicity of your story and how it symbolized a student and her busy schedule. I could relate to this story because the main character was doing trying to “get her life together” by trying to organize everything she needed to do, while she was at a store, trying to purchase her basic necessities. Your use of diction gave personality to the main character and it showed who she really was: a senior who had a lot on her plate, such as scholarships, homework and other obligations. So, overall, good job!
ReplyDeleteKimberly Chua
Period 2
Dianna, I really enjoyed this story! I think mostly every senior can relate to this because it is constantly on our minds. People say senior year is "easy" when it really isn't. Personally, I think it is the most stressful year of high school. I really loved this piece because it shows how once we overcome an obstacle/problem there will always be another one waiting for us. Overall, great job Dianna!
ReplyDelete-Brenda Do
period 3
Hi Dianna! I really enjoyed the simplicity of your story and also how relatable it is. I'm pretty sure most seniors have these hectic thoughts, trying to get everything together and complete our to-do lists. I also liked the real-life details you used because that gave your story a personality and made it more relatable.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this piece!
Damn Dianna -- was I the person who said, "Hello, how are you?" I knew I didn't read something from you and I'm glad you chose now to write something really...different. And the good different, the kind that makes you want to aspire to be different, too. To say the least, I love this piece and not just because you wrote it. I enjoyed how you managed to stylize your psyche and make it almost relatable to anyone who reads it because, frankly, when do we ever actually understand what we're saying when we have a life to live and manage. I feel like one critique for you is to add more. It'd be nice to read more about different things you would answer to a generic question, like, "What'd you eat today?" I think there could even be some comedic aspects that can really emphasize, what I hope is, your purpose: the hectic schedules that force us to compromise how we interact.
ReplyDeleteBut overall, I loved it and I just wanted to say thank you for being such a great person, a great human being. Thanks for making my life all the better.
I really enjoyed how simple this story was. I enjoyed reading it good job!
ReplyDelete-Jazmine hernandez
-Period 4
I really enjoyed how simple this story was. I enjoyed reading it good job!
ReplyDelete-Jazmine hernandez
-Period 4
Theres this girl and every time I see, her face lights up. She says hello and I say hey back. She asks how Im doing and I always say good. I ask her how she's doing and she always says good and thats the end of the conversation. We have done that so many times this year and it makes me laugh. Your piece just makes me think how its expected for someone to say “I’m good, thanks”. Maybe if people were more honest, we would feel better after talking.
ReplyDeleteI liked how honest and 100 percent relatable this was. Everything is kinda rushing around us and passing us by. I think once we graduate well have a minute to laugh.
Jeannette Martinez
Period 2
You just quite literally described what is going through my head this entire senior year! You could not have kept my attention better. Trust me when I say you are not the only one that feels like they are going to have a mental breakdown every five seconds. I love how you used short sentences with big ideas in them to hold the readers attention and keep the story moving. Absolutely loved this piece thank you for sharing and being completely relatable!
ReplyDeleteJordyn France
Cogswell
AP English
You just quite literally described what is going through my head this entire senior year! You could not have kept my attention better. Trust me when I say you are not the only one that feels like they are going to have a mental breakdown every five seconds. I love how you used short sentences with big ideas in them to hold the readers attention and keep the story moving. Absolutely loved this piece thank you for sharing and being completely relatable!
ReplyDeleteJordyn France
Cogswell
AP English
I think every senior can relate to this piece for the simple fact that this is a daily occurrence in our lives, now more than ever. The only difference with mine is my moms voice is in my head too telling me I need stuff. I especially love how you gave it the atmosphere of the store and the employee asks how you are simply because he has to and the inner monologue most people go through before they settle on "I'm good". Great, great job.
ReplyDeleteWow Dianna reading this stressed me out and I didn't think I could get anymore stressed out! No but seriously, I love the fact that I truly can connect with this jumble of thoughts and emotions trying to devote time to different areas yet maintain a healthy mindset? It doesn't seem plausible. At least you know that you're not alone nor were you ever when conjuring this up because every other senior feels the exact same. So in a weird way, we're all sharing the same pain of what its truly like being a senior and at the same time trying to figure out our future all while we try and enjoy the present. Thank you for making a relatable piece to finish off the year because it made me feel less alone in times of stress.
ReplyDeleteOh yes i love this piece, its definitely relate-able, thats basically my go to line, this really explains how hectic our lives can really be. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteAshley Garcia
per.4
I think your piece describes the chaotic life of a busy senior. I am often making check lists in my head and then remembering that I have to do that one thing and so on. I enjoyed how simply but unique your piece was. Thanks for the awesome piece.
ReplyDeleteEmily Gonzalez
per. 2
i connect so much with your piece. I know how it feels to be so jumbled and stressed out with so many things to do that when i was reading this, i was literally thinking about how i felt just the same.
ReplyDeleteThis piece had me laughing so much because you literally described my life at the moment. From lack of studying to sending in scholarships before their deadlines, my life is just as hectic as yours. I thoroughly enjoyed the point of view and the structure of this piece as well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteNatalia Garcia
Period 2
You just summed up my whole academic career, especially senior year! This inner dialogue was making me laugh and smile and cry and have a heart attack all in one sitting because your piece is the most relatable piece I have ever felt connected to. The fact that you make mental lists, have a mini anxiety attack just thinking about studying, AP exams, spending time with friends and family makes me admire every single student who has to organize everything in a period of 1 minute. I never really applauded those and myself for working so hard our whole life to prioritize relationships, education, our health and everything in our lives and it truly aggravates me when older folks tell us that WE HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT GOING ON, or YOU'RE SO LAZY GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE or YOU'RE NOT THAT BUSY, when they get upset with us for missing dinner because we have to cram all of AP Biology in one night, or work hard to finish that stinking review list before 11:59. look you're story totally made me ramble and organize everything I have to do later! Great piece, great dialogue, awesome outline and structure of the story line. Thank you for sharing and happy graduation!!
ReplyDelete-Samar Elshekh P.3
Hey i thought this was really creative! i liked it alot! i'm pretty sure you encompassed all the seniors right now while we're all getting excited to graduate next week but at the same time try to find the motivation to keep going to school. This whole year has honestly been horrible and i can't wait for things to finish and i loved how you really touched on that in your writing because i felt a real connection to it. Again, i thought it was really clever, well written, and relatable and although it was still a serious piece something about it made it comical to me.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading this you reminded me of at least four things I forgot to do last week and three i have coming up. This piece really described my everyday thoughts. It just seems like the work will never end. I loved the way you started this, it was like you just threw the audience right in the mix of your thought process and how that structure flows throughout. You did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteDarian henry
Period 2
Dianna!! I love how relatable your piece is, especially the part about scholarships because I still haven't started on them either and it keeps looming over my shoulders. I really like the structure of this piece because it is exactly like how I keep track of things (many mental lists and lists of stuff to do, ugh!) I enjoyed reading the complicated narrative that was happening inside her head and then seeing her simple reply to the cashier. This was a really wonderful story and I really enjoyed reading it. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteFiona Cheung
Period 3
This literally sums up my whole senior year or more like my whole life. Im always so caught up in my own thoughts that im never actually in the present. I felt like i was reading something that camr straight from my head if that makes any sense. Your piece was extremely relatablr and well written!
ReplyDelete-Alicia Alcaraz
Period 5 cogswell
This was really interesting to say the least, i like the simplicity but how complicated it was at the same time. This is a thought i would have at every small sentence and you brouht it to light. It was very funny too!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is so me. I feel like im always rushing and am all over the place.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!!!
-Adrian Modesty
Pd 4
I think almost everyone can relate to this. I enjoyed the endless stream of thoughts that all manifested themselves into a single line response. Simple but yet significant. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI think almost everyone can relate to this. I enjoyed the endless stream of thoughts that all manifested themselves into a single line response. Simple but yet significant. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how i am feeling right now, I can barely think straight. The thought of my sophomore year coming up and adding another academic class makes me feel sick. I can't even imagine how all you seniors must be feeling!
ReplyDeleteMackenzie Tipple
per.4
I really enjoyed reading this as I'm pretty sure almost everyone can relate to this. Not only does this describe many people's schedules perfectly but it also shows most of the thoughts and emotion running through high school students. Good job. :D - Deven Kiphen Pd 2
ReplyDeleteDianna,
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so great and relatable. Your repetition and sentence structure really gives the mechanical nature most of our brains have taken on. I really like the checklist beginning and cluttered skipping back and forth between subject matter because I think it adds a hecticness to the piece that I think really parallels that of most teenagers. Great piece!
Aubrianne Milton
Period 5
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story and i liked the beginning alot, i liked the idea of a mental checklist and it gave the reader a bit of imagery. Overall good story
This is 100000000% how I feel. Except I'm in football too. My school and sports schedule basically ruins my social life haha. But it's okay I guess. I just hope one day it pays off. It's EXTREMELY stressful schedule but I learn to manage my time. Nice story.
ReplyDeleteThis was so intricately written and detailed, and not to mention, relatable! This is so relevent, especially to senior life this time of year. Great job!!
ReplyDelete_Kelene H'
P2
This is exactly how I feel. I feel like a complete mess. You did perfect in capturing the rush and panic of the last days of senior year and first days of adulthood. Your choice of detail and point of view really made this piece very meaningful to me. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI loved this! So effortless in the structure of it all. I'm totally this kind of person that is portrayed in your piece. I can relate to the countless things that go through the mind as someone asks how you are. You think to respond truthfully but just resort to the simple "I'm good, thanks"
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
I really enjoyed this entry it was simple it seemed have a lot of meaning. I really loved how I could relate to this story ad feel or get a general idea of the narrator. This entry really captured my every day thoughts nicely. I overall enjoyed reading this story.
ReplyDeleteI love this store because this is me all the time because I have a really busy schedule and I am always trying to do mental check list in my mind but they never end up working out.
ReplyDelete-David Rodriguez
this was a good story i like the setup and how you told the audience what was happening in the store and in your life
ReplyDelete-Eric Edwards