Find the shape and tell it!
Monday, February 22, 2016
“The Real Titanic Story” by Marco G
One day I was going on a trip to go to New York. I wasn’t planning on going in a
car. I was was going on this enormous boat it was very classy and a truly amazing
sight.The people there called it the Titanic. While I was on my way going up the boat an
odd man with blonde hair bumped into me yelling,”I won tickets to go to New York
City!!!”.After we sailed i saw this beautiful red headed woman, she looked very wealthy.
But one day i was walking on the poop deck minding my own business until I heard
screaming I went to go check it out and all i saw was the blonde man saving the red
headed girl.Later on the next day i was walking around looking for a bathroom because
them fish food and my stomach don’t mix well.So as i was looking for one I saw the
same blonde man who bumped into me and the same red headed lady who almost fell
overboard, spitting out the boat. It seemed like the blonde man was teaching her how to
spit a loogie.
I was disgusted so i threw up the fish back in the ocean. Then later that night I went to
bed.and a heavy thump awoken me from my slumber ,It was like 2 in the morning still
dark. So I went to get check out what was happening. When I was on my way to talk to
the captain to know what that thump was I saw big chunks of ice on the poop deck. So
when I finally made it to the captain's headquarters. I saw the same blonde man and the
same redheaded women except this time they were holding hands. But it seemed like
those two were talking something very important with the captain. So I thought
something fishy was going on. As I was being nosey trying to know what they were
talking about the captain I overheard them say that the Titanic has hit a giant iceberg
and has made a breach in the lower belly part of the ship.
The redheaded woman and blonde man asked “How long do we have until the entire
ship sinks?” and the captain responded saying “We have about only one hour”. The
blonde man says “Shall we tell the citizens on this boat?” and the captain says “No we
don’t want to make the people panic.” When I heard them have that “private
conversation” I knew that I had to do something. So I packed my belongings and fled. I
took an escape boat by myself,I warned the people but they did not believe me. When I
was already in a safe distance. I could still see the boat. It began to lift itself from the
water, as I saw the people fall down from it and hit the cold water,I didn’t know if I
should leave or go back and save the others.After the boat finally sank to the bottom of
the ocean. I decided to go back and save the survivors. It would take me a while to go
back,But when I finally got there mostly everyone got froze to death. So I decided to
give up and go, But as I began to paddle away I could a whistle in the distance. So I
decided to follow the whistle and I would not believe my eyes. It was the redheaded lady
with a whistle in her mouth and she was laying on a floating wooden door. I asked what
was her name, and she said...Rose.
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22 comments:
I enjoyed your allusions to scenes in the movie and your perspective shift from the story we all know. You also did well on character familiarization.
I like how you incoperated your own character and the point of view of that character into the story. Offering another perspective to Rose and Jack's relationship was a really interesting touch! Good job!
Fiona Cheung
Period 3
i rally liked how you made your own character for this story and how you saved rose and saw her on the door and when you saw her and jack together.
Per.1
Katlyn
I liked how you used your own character in the story. It was great to hear the story in a different perspective. I also liked how you added scenes from the movie to make it seem like your character was really there. Keep up the good work!
Valarie Ly
Period 1
Good Job Marco! You added your self into the story and kinda changed the story we all know off the titanic!
my favorute part about the story is when he find out the red heads name was rose.
Karina Blocker
Period 4
I like how you put yourself in the movie and depicted certain scenes in the movie so we could think back and go oh yeah I remember that part. The whole time i was imagining you in the Titanic.
That was a great story Marco!! So the story was a twist I liked the twist in the story. I felt bad a little because the captain didnt try to save anybody.
MIKAYLA SEALS
Per.4
I loveeee your story its better than the original. I also like he different plot twist to it.
-Audriana Youssef
-period 4
Honestly I felt like I was there and I liked how you captured the scenes.
Melodie B. Period 1
I loved how it was your version of the movie we have all come to love! I like how the character saw the lovers meet and go on a journey that would later become so impacting! I like how you incorporated every scene and i like the imagery you gave! Fantastic job!
This was really entertaining to read about, would could have been, a different point of view when the Titanic fell. I loved your vivid imagery and I felt it was really captivating! Great job for adding a nice twist to this classic story!
-Alexis Carmona
Period 5
Good Job! I enjoy how you put your own spin on something we all know and added your own character in it. I wish you would have spent a little more time and added some more but other than that it was great.
Marco you had very good imagery in your writing. I love how you made it less romantic and more of a comedy. You have a great sense of humor. I also love how you were hesitant on whether to go back or not and you decided you'd go back. Well done Marco. (:
-Period 4
I always love it when people offer new perspectives on stories we love and your piece was no different. What makes your piece exceptionally good is how you transitioned your character from an anonymous third party character to the one who saves Rose's life at the end. Once again good job :)
Taylor Sandoval
P.5
great job on this I used to watch this movie all the time when I was younger I guess I was like half in love with the rose character the young one don't get it twisted you went over every main part of the story but also including your self that's why I found this story so appealing and cool cause you put yourself in the story
Great job Marco, I really liked how you placed yourself into the story and make me see the story in another person's view. Great job on keeping the story on track, it was like you watched the movie recently. :)
I like the originality that you used in this story. It was very thoughtful and shined a new perspective on the character. The descriptions used were also really vivid. Great job!
this was such a great story! I loved how you used a different point of view on everything. Such a great piece! Can't wait to read another story of yours!
-Calaya A
-period 1
Good job Marco. You kept me interested the entire time. It was funny too which made it better. You did skip some parts in the story though. But overall, good job.
I really enjoyed this piece . I could not take my eyes off of it. The only thing is you only saved one person. also there were few parts missing from the story but overall good job.
Period 1
I loved how you told the story from a different perspective. The idea is fascinating and very creative. No one would have ever thought of doing this and I love how it seems original. I also loved how you chose a story that is so deeply thought of on a daily basis and gave it a twist to it, a good twist. Great Job!!
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