It was the
year 2077. There was a big war going on and I just got out of the military. Any
day could be an attack with nuclear bombs so they built fallout shelters. As my
robot was giving me coffee the doorbell rang. It was a man asking if I wanted
to sign up to be in the vault 111. I said yes because of the threats. As he
left my wife said “look”. I looked at the tv and there was a news reporter
saying that there was confirmed nuclear explosions. We all went to the vault
111. Some people couldn’t get in but since we also had a baby they let us in.
As the elevator to the vault was going down there was a big nuke explosion. If
we were about 10 seconds later we would all have died. They told us that we
were going to decontaminate us so we can go deeper. But what they didn’t tell
us was that they were freezing us to try an experiment. After a while I woke up
to two guys, and one of them killed my wife trying to take my baby. I got out a
while later, and everyone was dead. I went back up to the top and went back to
my house that was barely standing, and I met my robot. He said I was gone for
210 yrs. I went around exploring, met some good people and some bad people.
There were mutated people, large scorpions, and more. After a while I went to
this place called diamond city. There was a lot of people there. There was also
traders which where I got my guns. There I also found a detective that was a
synth, which is a robot. I worked with him, and went to crazy places. I hunted
down and killed the guy who killed my wife, and the info. I got from him was
that my baby was in a place called the institute. There was only one way in and
out and that was to teleport. I got a piece and went there and it was all white
like nothing happened there I found my baby after a long time.
Find the shape and tell it!
Great story I loved how there was a nuclear war going on and you were just drinking coffee. I wonder if that will happen in the year 2077. Hope not. I would be freaked out if i was frozen and woke up 210 years later. So sorry that his wife died and I hope he finds the man who killed her. Was your baby frozen too or what?
ReplyDeleteThis story is well described and very thoughtful. My guess is that you like playing Fallout a lot. I don't have the game but I heard its pretty good and if someone decided to make a story about it, well might as well try it.
ReplyDeleteMarco Garcia-Ordaz
Period 4
I enjoyed your story. It would make a good movie.
ReplyDeleteI loved how there was so much imagery through out the piece. The descriptions you provided allowed the reader to easily visualize your characters. However, I would like to see the story go into more depth about the situation presented to us. Also, there were some repetition on your sentence structure and punctuation could be improved. I have problems with that all the time so don't worry! Overall great story, it kept me engaged!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting and cool. I like how you use a game to develop a story with it. I hope toes more of these in the future because I like to see this kind go genre.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I would be freaking out if I had witnessed those types of things in the future. I mean giant scorpions?! I would've probably fainted if I saw one. I like the idea of a post-apocalyptic world where the only rule would be "survival of the fittest." So great story over all.
ReplyDeleteGreat story ideas! The creativity and imagination is clear. You should elaborate and make this into an actual book someday.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start to a really great story. There are parts in the story where you could have added more information and detail to the overall story. Like talk about the people your character met and describe the city and a lot of other things. Again it is a great topic and start to something greater.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good and thoughtful story! You could definitely make a good book out of it! This story gets you thinking of what the world would be like in 2077. You used great imagery and creativity!
ReplyDelete- Victoria Ervin
per.1
I liked the imagery and you're imagination. its very vivid and good. Good job
ReplyDeleteAlejandro Martinez
period 1
Overall I great story. Although, I would recommend to give a little more background and description so that the story can flow. It will all run very smoothly. But, it was a great story and I enjoyed it. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAllyson Bol
Period 2
Great story! The imagery that you used in the story was very good. I always enjoy these post apocalyptic stories!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job! Love your story and how you used your imagination but can still use a little more description that will make the story more smoothly. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job! Love your story and how you used your imagination but can still use a little more description that will make the story more smoothly. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI really do like the idea of the story that you presented to us. An active imagination is absolutely essential to becoming a good writer. Post-apocalyptic stories always get a great deal of interest from readers since it raises the question of "what if that actually happened?" I really hope that the story is something that you develop into something more because it does have the basic structure to becoming something that is absolutely riveting. Overall, I say you did a nice job and I do hope that you keep improving the great storyline that you already have.
ReplyDeleteDude, crazy mood shift with the wife being killed part. I felt really bad for the guy in a story. This is a very imaginative piece and I very much liked it because of the crazy imagination I own, I think. This should be a video game.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting and entertaining story! This could be the plot of a big movie. It could use just a little more description though. But overall it was a very good story.
ReplyDeleteVery entertaining story! i love the idea you gave me and they way it presented as i keep reading it. when the wife died.. i was speechless. Great entertaining and interesting story!
ReplyDeleteI loved your imagination in this story! It was very creative and entertaining! Your use of imagery did a great job of keeping my attention and placing me into the setting of your story. I think your ideas are great and encourage you to continue writing them down!
ReplyDelete