Pages

Monday, December 7, 2015

"The Coma" by Caroline F




            “Cat? Cat?! Catalina! Wake Up! Catalina!” Heat was radiating off the ground like a pit from Hell. Ears buzzing, head pounding, body numb. Opening my eyes only to see a blurred face. “Cat! Can you hear me?! Cat! Ca…”
As the buzz noise increased a blanket of darkness crept over my subconscious to nothingness. A dark room filled with no noise, screaming with no sound. “Hello? Can anyone hear me?” Nobody would answer, not a single soul in sight. Where am I? Why isn’t anyone here? Oh no! Mason, he was there! “Mason!”
“Hey Cat. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I still believe you are in there. No matter how many times the doctors will try to convince me you’re no hope… I am not going to let them take you away from me. I almost lost you once, I’m never going to lose you again. Babe, please wake up.” Wake up? I’m sleeping? How is that possible? Why can’t I wake up? Suddenly, the deafening sound returned, but it wasn’t buzzing, it was beeping, in a rhythmically pattern almost like a drum. Damn it Catalina wake up!
I opened my eyes in a bright room and it smelled like hand sanitizer. I look to my right and there is a strange man staring at me, as if he seen a ghost. He had curly dark brown hair, creamy brown eyes complimented by slightly thick eyebrows, firm jawline, with beautiful toasted tan skin, broad shoulders with muscular arms designed to carry the heaviest of weights but not to over barbarian on top of a long torso, he was wearing a uniform. Truth to be told, he was handsome.
“Who are you?” I said in utter confusion.
“Catalina! You’re awake! I can’t believe it! I’m going to get the doctor; Doctor Phillips!” he said as he ran out the room.   “Doctor Phillips I told you she would wake up...”
“Let’s have a look here,” the doctor turned on his flashlight and faced it toward my pupils. “Now Ms. Jimenez how are you feeling? When you first arrived here we didn’t believe that you would survive, it’s a miracle you did.”
“What?” I asked.
“Umm… you came in here almost dead. You were in an accident that hap…” the doctor was interrupted by the rude man that was here earlier.
“Excuse me? That was so rude! Doctor can you get this man out of my room please?! I don’t know him.”
“You don’t remember me?” the confused man said.
“Ms. Jimenez, does this mean you don’t know who this man is?”
“No I don’t, now can you please get him out of my room,” I said annoyed. I didn’t understand why this guy is still in here and why he wouldn’t leave.
“May I talk to you outside for a minute,” Doctor Phillips said with a slight concerned tone.
“Um... yeah sure thing doc.” The two men finally left the room. I was in an accident? What could I have been doing that got me into a hospital? I was probably with Katy, I remember the first time we started to become cynical. Back in 2009, freshman year of high school, we snuck into the football stadium and lit the turf on fire! We didn’t get caught, although a senior got blamed for it, and sadly that senior didn’t walk at graduation, oh well. We were so mean! Speaking of Katy, shouldn’t she be here instead of that man.
“Cat?” the guy returned. “Do you really not remember me?”  I could see the hurt in his eyes, almost like he wanted to cry.
“No I don’t, can someone please tell me what is going on here?” I said.
“Cat… I’m your fiancé, Mason Lopez. We were supposed to get married this summer.” he said. Fiancé?! I looked at my left hand there it was, a twisted halo diamond ring with a gold band decorated with more diamonds, it was striking.
“How did I get here?” I asked
“You were in an accident babe.”
“Don’t call me that, please.” As I said that he looked as if struck in the heart by the devil himself. “What kind of accident? Where is Katy?”
“I’m sorry ba… Um…There was a bombing at the bank you worked at. The bomb exploded right next to you, it’s unbelievable that you’re alive. I found you under all the debris. And for Katy, your friendship crumbled after she became destructive, I’m sorry but she was the one who put the bomb in the bank that almost killed you. She is in jail as we speak.”
How the hell is that possible! Katy and I are not friends anymore?! I am engaged to this man who looks like he could be the sheriff. I’m engaged to the sheriff. What happened in my life?
“The reason you can’t remember me,” he continued, “you hit your head pretty hard during the explosion. The doctors couldn’t be sure if you were to lose your memory, but you fell into a coma and have been asleep for about five months.”
“Where are my parents?” I say.
“They are back in California they come every now and then to visit.”
“So let me get this straight. Katy and I are not friends anymore and she was the one who put the bomb in the bank that could have killed me and you’re my fiancé that I’m supposed to get married in the summer?”
“Exactly.” He said. For days he would come to visit, until I was released. He updated me with what has happened over the past couple of months. He seemed so sincere and genuine, and he got me to laugh. Although I lost five months of my life, I have a chance to start my life all over again. I am going to find out what really happened between me and Katy. But for now, I will be here falling madly in love with Mason, again.

11 comments:

  1. Caroline! I Love your story. The dialogue in your story gives good background on your characters allowing the readers to get to know the characters. The ending is so cute and I'd love if you completed your story.

    Jazlynn Garcia
    Period 2

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this story! Its enticing to read and the description you put into the characters is really amazing. But my favorite part of this story is the ending. Where she learns her once best friend is the reason she's in this mess. And that she is supposed to be getting married in the summer. I love how she says that she's falling in love with mason all over again, which makes it a great love story!

    Karina Blocker
    Period 4

    ReplyDelete
  3. Omg when I first read the story I was so confused as to what was going on and I have to admit that the man you described seems to be very handsome too. You should make a part two add a little drama see where it takes you. Although this was amazing good jobb!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This story was so entertaining! The plot twist at the end with Katy is insane. I feel like you could create a novel- possibly even a tv series starting with Catalina's freshman year- with this story. I hope you expand on this story if the characters permit. Great work Caroline!
    Natalia Garcia
    Period 2

    ReplyDelete
  5. CAROLINE!! I was hooked right from the beginning as I felt her struggle and confusion. The way the plot build up was great too. where she was in a state of utter confusion then wakes up lost. The story was sad, but the ending was biter sweet as she still has no memory but is trying to continue where she left off.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your story is amazing. The amount of detail you used throughout it really helped me paint a picture in my head. I loved how smoothly your dialogue flowed because it made it feel like a realistic conversation. Also, the ending was very interesting in the way you left it with “falling madly in love with Mason, again,” as makes it possible for you to hopefully continue writing. Great story!
    darian henry
    period 2

    ReplyDelete
  7. WOW!!!!! Really wow this is and amazing short story. It has a lot of potential for the plot of a book. If you made this an actual book id be first in line to buy it!!
    ~Madison Behee
    Per.1

    ReplyDelete
  8. Caroline this is AMAZING!!!! I love how the characters developed in your story and how Cat was able to start a connection with her fiancé. You used imagery really well to describe the hospital room and Cat's perspective and you really were able to make it seem like Cat had lost her memory. Great Job Caroline!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dang, at first I thought the girl was dead. I loved how when she was in the coma she remembered Mason, but then forgot about him when she woke up. Great story overall!

    - Valarie Ly
    - Period 1

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is nothing short of being ready for movie production. The storyline is perfect: a romantic comedy of a girl who falls back in love with the he man she loved before a tragic accident. I'd like to add that all the characters in this are so very well-developed that I feel like I've just met them. Brilliant.
    Eloy Guzman
    Per. 2

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your story is amazing!! I love the detail you put in to describing everything! The plot twist in there definitely took me by surprise!
    Per. 3

    ReplyDelete

Remember, make your comment positive, supportive, and specific to the piece you're commenting on. No anonymous comments! :)