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Monday, November 30, 2015

"My Biggest Fear" by Annika J.



 
       I wake up on another regular Wednesday morning at 6 AM to start to get ready for work. The sun has just risen as I head to the bathroom. I stand and look at myself in the mirror. My breath fogs up the mirror and I take a closer look just to ensure that it is in fact myself looking back at me. But I can't recognize the person staring back. All that is left of me has withered away. What’s the point of it all? All my life I've been directed down a certain path. A path that has already been set up for me. A path that everyone must follow in order to be successful. As soon as I was old enough to understand, they started telling me “You've got to get all A's in school! Be a part of every club and organization so you can be different from everyone else." Set yourself apart and be different so you can go to college and get a nine to five job like everyone else. Spend your time and youth constructing an amazing story to tell about yourself so a stranger can one day read it and determine your future.

    After high school, they moved on to the next thing I had to do. "You've got to go to an amazing college! Without that degree from a top ranking university, you are completely worthless in society!” But not a degree in just anything. My talent and enjoyment in cooking or art meant nothing because it was difficult to be successful in. It meant taking a risk that wasn't worth my time or energy. My happiness wasn't worth the time or energy. It wasn't the "smart" decision. So I did what they told me. I went to that top ranking college and majored in a "safe" major. I worked hard and did as I was instructed all my life so I could be just like everyone else. I was told to follow my dreams all throughout my childhood but then to forget about them as I grew older because "they weren't practical." I was told that someone smart like me should get a stable job so they could support themselves and eventually a family. Forget about the cost of it because I would supposedly be able to pay it off once I had that job. Now after eight years of school, having a degree in a field I dread, I am left to sink in debt without a life jacket.

    When I went about this path I didn't understand what I was in for. Little did I realize that once I had the job everyone seems to envy, that I would hate it. All of the passion I had was sucked out of my soul once I saw the light at the end of this tunnel we call the "real world." My dreams left to die and my eagerness to learn soiled by pounds upon tons of work. The system doesn't want passionate, creative people. It wants robots that can continue to create millions just like myself. The system has no feelings. No remorse. No heart or sympathy.
So take a step back. What is our purpose in this vast universe? Do we even matter in the large scheme of things?  We don't. We are all just a tiny morsel in the vast expanse of time. So why torture yourself? Why forget the things that make you happy? Don't do things for other people or to make money. Do something that will help you lead a happy life. Don't give up that talent or skill that makes you proud. Don't be me. Spend time with your family. Go to that movie with that friend you haven't talked to in years.  Do what makes you happy because when your life comes to a close that is what you'll remember. The happy moments.

    These thoughts run through my head every morning as I begin to get ready for another day. The feeling of knowing exactly what is wrong with my life and not having the power to fix it eats at me every single day. I try to think of solutions or ways to try to make my life mine once again but I can never seem to get myself to do it. I don't know how much longer I could keep this up. Just going through the motions, not knowing who I even am anymore. But alas, this is my life and now I must go to work.

30 comments:

  1. Annika, you have just described most teenager's lives consisted of high expectations and soul sucking decisions,at this time in our lives, we are forced to make and I completely agree with you; we forget why we do what we do because it has already been planned for us. Your insight and personal commentary are so real and relatable, I thought I was writing this myself! Enjoyed your piece and your topic.
    -Samar Elshekh P.3

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  2. This was such an accurate depiction of what I literally think of every single morning when I wake up. It's upsetting how are lives are already planned out for us and how we can only change so little because we have to go for jobs we can make 'actual' real careers out of. I even think of changing this whole path set out for me to not be a sort of copy of everyone else. While it's a sad thing to constantly think about for many, it is important to enjoy the happy moments and as you said, 'do what makes you happy because when your life comes to a close that is what you'll remember.' I can connect with this piece on so many levels and I'm sure everyone that reads this will feel the same. I thoroughly enjoyed how honest you made this piece. Great job Annika.

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  3. The part that says, "I was told to follow my dreams all throughout my childhood but then to forget about them as I grew older because "they weren't practical," really struck me while reading. I have never really had a moment like that while reading the blog entries but your piece really had me thinking. Its sad to think there was a point where we all felt we had to become practical and let go of what we wanted. I think this is a piece that captures the emotions of senior year and our fears. In a sense its reassuring to know where all kinda in the same boat. Thanks for writing about this.
    Jeannette Martinez Period 2

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  4. I believe that the majority of our society would be able to relate to this piece. I love the message that it brings, but I fear that although the message is clear, our society will take many, many years if ever to reach such a goal. To drop these expectations will require the human race as whole to accomplish. On the other hand, I still firmly believe that the job we should pursue is something that we enjoy, just as you illustrated. As a child, I've been hammered to "be successful" to the point to where all I can think is "What's the point?" I hope that I won't end up like the person in your piece. Overall, I think you did a great job on conveying your message, so well done!
    Sabrina H
    Period 2

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  5. A lot of people can relate to this story. A lot of high school seniors face the pressures of their teachers, parents and other mentors to achieve high grades, go to a prestigious college, get a good job etc. I very much enjoy this piece. Keep writing!

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  6. A lot of people can relate to this story. A lot of high school seniors face the pressures of their teachers, parents and other mentors to achieve high grades, go to a prestigious college, get a good job etc. I very much enjoy this piece. Keep writing!

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  7. I think this piece is easily relate-able for most of the readers. I often think about what i do next in life so i enjoyed this one very much. It was a very well written piece, i related so many times i cant list. AMAZING job!
    -Ashley Garcia
    per.4

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  8. Fantastic job on your piece! I love the message that was displayed within your piece. It is a very true message. Everyone should follow their dreams and never give in to the pressure of others. Great job on using good detail throughout your piece as well. Well done.
    - Deborah Fraire
    - Period 1

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  9. damn. This really hit me. This is a perfect description of how society has influenced us to conform to the conventional ideas of "success" and how the pressures from others are inflicted upon us to cultivate itself into these monstrous expectations that are mostly only possible to fulfill at the expense of our own happiness and individuality.
    Your story was really well written and I liked how you exposed the following of societal pressure across the expanses of all stages in life. Your passion about this topic really shines through.

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  10. Amazing job on this! You clearly explain how our lives are today. It's crazy how we get ridiculed for pursuing something that won't sustain us financially even though it'll bring us happiness. This is so accurate and I'm totally with you when you mentioned how we spend countless hours to make a couple words describe us to a complete stranger. It's honestly unbelievable! Anyways, GREAT PIECE!!!

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  11. Great Job! This piece really does relate to me I mean I have dreams yet I have been told to forget about, making a change like you said is not always easy. It is actually hard and sometimes it might disappoint others. Regardless though we should try because how will we know the results if we do not try. Loved the piece!!

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  12. Great descriptive story and I really liked it because of how it describes our lives as in today. and just to summarize that sentence when you think dreams are practical

    Justin Hirata
    period 4

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  13. I like the overall effect of your piece, it's powerful, don't get me wrong -- relatablility is its ammunition that definitely captures the readers and is seen in the comments that precede and succeed mine. But the ending kind of ended my wish of happiness for the speaker. In that, don't end a powerful piece with an unexpected and abrupt end - it's more than necessary for the shock value that you were trying to add to the piece. Maybe end it with the fact that it was just a joke or that you found the value in the piece and are presently living your dream. I know the piece says a lot about you and what you're going through, but the fact that you remain powerless leaves me in awe and anger of the society and expectations you're being forced to meet, and I'm accentuating "you're" because you embody the qualities of the crises that every one of my friends are going through. I would continue rambling on, but that would be a thesis I can save for my theatre class in college.

    But don't continue subsisting in the realities of others. If science is what you love to do, then do it. If liberal arts studies is what you love to do, then do it. I don't talk to you often, but there's more to people than choosing one thing for our future career. Keep your options open and don't admit defeat, especially like the ending of this story. I know it might say that you're admitting defeat in the decisions of your life, but this is your damn life. Live it like you mean it. Choose things that make you happy. Be resilient and empower yourself. I know it might seem that all that hard work in this AP/Honors program is essential in your work ethic, but this was just one phase in your life. If you want to end your high school career with the same tone in your ending, read your piece again and you'll synthesize what I mean.

    I wish you well in your endeavors, but overall, well done, Annika.

    And if you've continue reading this comment to this point, other readers who are frivolously commenting on a great piece like this, then felicitations! All I can hope is you do the same and keep your options open -- all the while knowing that you'll be living your life all by yourself, no one else will be living it for you. This is you we're talking about. Don't let the fact that you're being forced to make a decision as a hormonal and inexperienced teenager stop you from realizing that your options should be open, that you can change your major, that you have the power to be who you are. High school isn't even about learning anymore -- it's a four year audition for college. Don't choose the path of least resistance and realize your potential...The speaker in this piece fully understands that concept and I hope you do, too.

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  14. This hits home in more ways than one. First, it hits us with the whole "this isn't my dream" thought that always goes through our heads as we grow up. What I think hits the hardest is when we just accept it all. Only complaining when we think about it but we do nothing about it because it is much too late. This was a great read Annika! I really enjoyed reading this story of yours.
    -Antonio Barron Period 3

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  15. I like the fact that you point out the truth. You should be happy and do the things that make you very happy. -melodie baptiste period 1

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  16. I like the fact that you point out the truth. You should be happy and do the things that make you very happy. -melodie baptiste period 1

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  17. This can relate to so many people because obviously everyone has dreams and students especially don't pursue them because they have certain expectations of themselves and doubt their abilities and end up settling for something that was "easy" instead of pursuing something they love.

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  18. this was reeeeeally good and relateable!! I loved it very much and the detail was amazing! you did an excellent job on this story and I greatly enjoyed it ~julianna Alvarado English period 1

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  19. Daaaaaang, Annika. This was honestly so accurate and relevent to most peoples lives its scary. When you said "It meant taking a risk that wasn't worth my time or energy. My happiness wasn't worth the time or energy. It wasn't the "smart" decision.", that literally gave me chills because I totally get what you're sayiing. I'm glad someone finally addressed this though because it's true - all people seem to care about nowadays is grades and academic success. This was very well written, good job!
    -Kelene Hirata
    P.2

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  20. This piece is also my biggest fear in life. At this age everyone expects us to know what we want to do for the rest of our life's and go to a top university for the "name", despite wanting to go to somewhere more cost efficient. I have come to the conclusion that the only thing I want to be in life is happy, and I have decided to pursue my passions instead of pleasing pressuring family members. I enjoyed how your piece was almost like a warning to those questioning whether to do as their told, or to pursue their interests. Great job!

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  21. This AMAZING! I absolutely love everything about this. This is quite a different story from the others in a unique way; it demonstrates reality. It really speaks to me and has so much meaning. It's sad actually how a lot of people don't realize this. They get stuck with something they dislike for the rest of their lives and cannot do anything about it. Once they regret something, it's already too late. Its better to do something your passionate about than listen to others who put you down. You demonstrated this so perfectly and I absolutely loved it so much!

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  22. Annika, honestly you just summed up my life completely up to this point. From high expectations, college searches, and finding a profitable job, it seems as if you accurately described the life of teenagers who just want to find a way to succeed. Your insight was very interesting, keep up the great work!

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  23. Wow, if this does not wake people up, I do not know what will. This, too, is one of my biggest fears, that I will sight of myself and all the things I wanted as a result of being set up for a "practical" life. I could tell that you just let your emotions and thoughts flow in this piece with all honesty. Besides being beautifully written and inspiring, I like the fact that you are giving advice for those who have not thought about this.

    Michelle Sanchez P.5

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  24. The title completely threw me off and I had no idea what to expect from this piece. There were so many avenues. Yet I appreciate the initial relative subject you chose, College, considering the place of life we are in as seniors. Brings things into perspective. Great work!

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  25. Great piece , because I feel we can all relate to this one way or another . With all the expectation that is set upon us from parents and love ones to do great in school ,so we can get a job and have a stable life , just like everyone else . My parents are the same way they push and push me to do well in school so I can go to college and get a regular job just like everyone else . Not really allowing me to think for my self and determining my future . I really enjoyed your piece and can totally relate .

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  26. I really liked you're story and how you talked about real world stuff and not just about something else.
    Katlyn Hall Per.1

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  27. This poem has another title, hidden in a subconscious state, called Hell. Constantly waking up and having to be another cog in the system fits the lives of many today. A relatable topic, with excellent word choice in using robots, a broken system, and a strong message speaks well to the audience you are portraying this to. Excellent job!

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  28. Great job! Many people fall victim to the system, but the choice is inevitably ours to make. Those other side talents that seem worthless, could make you as much profit as a "real career" could; be it, if you train your self enough or have the natural talent, which is similar to being born with a ingenious quality or having the patience to study. Its a matter of perspective to choose the path that you truly enjoy, because we only have one life and its now. Thank you for a brief moment of reality... we all (students) must consider.

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  29. Great job! Many people fall victim to the system, but the choice is inevitably ours to make. Those other side talents that seem worthless, could make you as much profit as a "real career" could; be it, if you train your self enough or have the natural talent, which is similar to being born with a ingenious quality or having the patience to study. Its a matter of perspective to choose the path that you truly enjoy, because we only have one life and its now. Thank you for a brief moment of reality... we all (students) must consider.

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  30. I love how you were able to take how must high school kids are feeling and put it into such beautifully written words! Your take on the education system is so interesting and I love your stance you take on it.
    per. 3

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