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Tuesday, October 20, 2015

"On a Halloween Night" by Julianna A.


“On a Halloween night, there was this girl who loved to trick or treat” is the classic sentence to put in quite a few Halloween stories which takes away that little pizzazz effect. A bit of an overused sentence to start off stories but if you tried something else, it may not work. Anyways, i'm getting off task here. I have a story to share about this girl who loved Halloween. She was quite the adventurous type and always dressed up. One day, she decided to get a lot of candy this year for Halloween which sounds like a total snore fest but wait until the story unravels. So while out trick or treating this girl who by the way is named Alice at age 12 with dark chocolate brown hair and bright blue eyes, she came upon a certain house that stood out to her. Maybe she liked it for its creepy features, or the way it looked just standing there in the depth of night. She thought it was a haunted house and went up to the door to claim her candy. She knocked and the door swung open in a flash and out came a lovely looking woman. She wasn’t dressed up but in a dress as if she had come from a party.
          “Trick-or-treat!” she yelled with glee. The kind woman smiled and said with a gleam in her lovely brown eyes and said “What a cute little girl! My name is Regina. What might you be?” she smiled widely.
        “I’m a princess!” she said with such happiness. Which is a popular costume in Halloween stories but anyways the woman invited her inside for some snacks and told her how no one had visited her house in years so for coming, she had a little gift for the child. The woman stepped into another room to fetch the gift and returned with a little black box in her hand. She went up to the child and sat beside her.
       She opened the box and said: “This is very special. And me giving it to you means you must take care of it no matter what. Promise?" Alice promised and opened the box to find a ring. It was a very pretty ring that changed colors. She put it on only to find it was too big until the woman said it would fit once she reached the age of 15. Once Alice reached 15, she was able to wear the ring. She put it on but couldn’t take it off later that day. She went back to the house one night on Halloween and explained her problem. The woman told her it was to stay on until death did her part which would come once the ring turned black. Alice ran home and was scared to find the ring turning grey so she told her mother the story. The parents called the police to arrest the woman but it did no good. Later that night as Alice was sleeping; she was awoken by a loud noise. She sat up and met face to face with a black figure and looked down at her hand to find the ring had turned black. She looked back up and gasped for air while staring at the horrid creature until she collapsed to the bed. In her jail cell Regina smiled grimly. Her work had been completed. She got rid of the child and had been freed from her cursed immortality. This child was special because that young girl was the witch who cursed Regina. She went back in time to search for the one who cursed her for acting so high above the others and being selfish. But now Alice was gone so there was no one left to stop the new coming evil witch.

17 comments:

  1. This was by far one of the best stories I have read. There was so much detail and i enjoyed reading every bit of it. Good job.
    -Ashley Garcia
    per.4

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  2. What an interesting and creative plot twist! Such a good Halloween story especially when i love the witches! Anyway good dialogue and suspense, this could be a movie or short play ha! The imagery for the story was great, it allowed me to feel as if I was watching this happen right in front of me.
    -Samar Elshekh P.3

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  3. Wow! This is defiantly one of the best stories that I have read and i think that the dialogue was amazing and so was the plot twist at the end! Great job.
    Katy O'Hara Per. 1

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  4. Wow! This is personally one of my favorite stories on here. I love the plot twist at the end! Great job.
    Katy O'Hara Per. 1

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  5. You caught my attention right at the beginning and you kept it the whole way through. Your plot was amazingly detailed. Also your story got me more in the Halloween mood!!!
    -Destynee Torres
    Period 4

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  6. I like that the story has a special twist to it. The story starts off simple and calm then it turns into this curse and I thought it was great. Good Job!!
    Melodie Baptiste
    Period 1

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  7. This was such an interesting story. By far one of the best stories I have ever read. I love how at the beginning, you pointed out that your first sentence was over used and boring. It made you seem sarcastic to your own story. I like the mood it gave to the story. Anyway, great job.
    Michael Retana
    Period 1

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  8. I loved the plot twist at the end! This story is the best I have read so far! I loved the suspense and the spooky vibe you added to the story! Great job!
    -Victoria Ervin
    Period 1

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  9. The plot of the story proved to provide the spookiness of a good halloween tale. The plot twist at the end of the story gave a good turn as the wicked ridded the world of an ever darker evil. Very interesting story. Great Job!
    Hunter Fierro
    Period 5
    Cogswell

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  10. By far i really liked the plot and everything to this story. That was so unexpected, like i really didn't see that coming at all. This story was amazing and everything it's very unique to its own structure. I really liked how you put dialogues in it, so we know what they're talking about.
    -Michelle Truong
    Period 1

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  11. This was such a great story. It definitely had the spooky Halloween vibe to it! I love how it got kinda suspenseful and then the story just unravels. Keep up the good work.

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  12. Oh my gosh!!! this was the best story ive read there was so much detail and i liked the twist at the end of the story telling us why she had died. I feel bad for the poor girl but that was one of the main things that made your story so great.
    Madison Behee
    Per.1

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  13. I loved how your story is perfectly written just in time for Halloween! The plot twist at the end made the story so interesting!
    Megan McCann
    Per.5

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  14. Incredible story development and including more background at the end really made the woman's actions justifiable. Has to be one of my favorites by far because of the imagery, conflict and resolution. Definitely seemed like the woman was the bad person, but the conclusion definitely make it obvious who was the bad person; thing is it is unjust to punish someone for a crime they haven't committed yet. Overall I enjoyed reading your short story!

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  15. Omg! I would have to say this story is my favorite. I love the storyline! I actually really enjoy scary movies and if you were to turn your piece into an actual book or movies, I would definitely support it and go see the movie or read the book. Lol. I like how you started off calm and nonchalant and then as you actually got into the story things took a turn for the worse. I also really like the piece because it was scary, but not too scary, and really made you think. In the end you revealed the reasoning behind the story and you ended it in a way that let the readers know that the horror behind the story had only begun because the witch was free from her curse. You did a really good job!

    Dominique Washington

    Period 2

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  16. Very well written. I love how you kept it humorous and added a surprising twist to the end.
    -Christian Ortega period 5

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  17. Felt bad for the girl at first and still do but glad you cleared it up with the unexpected plot twist that really made the story come together at the end. good story

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