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Monday, August 31, 2015

"Israel to Persia" by Jordyn F.


From across the room she noticed the stare. The stare that was transfixed on her face, inviting her imagination to run away with her yet again. She told herself to never entertain those thoughts. This path she was on was the one she chose. If only he knew! Delilah rose from her place next to Ava, to return to her chambers. Partly to escape his scrutiny, which made her feel a longing she hadn’t felt since she had left Israel.

   Although she had walked in the opposite direction from Cyrus she was taken by surprise as he stepped right in front of her just before she was to exit the room. Her breath caught and she took a step back only to hit one of the servants holding a tray of Yokheh. She would have fallen further had not Cyrus caught her. His hand wrapped around her waist and she was suddenly in his arms. He could only see her eyes, thank God. She now wore her usual head-garments. Her face, if seen, would have been bright red. She quickly regained her composure.
“ Thank you, my lord”, she gave in the most unassuming voice she could find. Never more aware of the difference in her voice, and how it now sounded since the accident.
He gave a slight gesture towards the corner she had just left, “ You are Laru’s assistant, are you not?”
She did not know whether to try a lie or accept the fact he already knew.
“ Yes that is I.”
“What is your name?”
“ Delilah, my lord.”
“ Do you live here in the palace with the other maidservants?”

He thought her a maidservant!

“ My Lord I am a part of the centennial council, thus I live with the ladies in court.” What an offense that was to her. Were her garments that unappealing? She was clearly sitting with the other women of the Court. Why would he, in the first place, want to leave the presence of the King to come speak with her? And secondly, to ask the name of a maidservant, which was what she seemed to him.

“My apologies, I had assumed such from the chance of seeing you depart from the East side of the palace more than twice daily. “

He has seen her come and go from Asters room? Why must this conversation vex her so much?
“My cousin Aster resides there.”

“ Ah I see.”

There was not much more said between them. She was desperate to escape his presence. His composure threw her off. She had not talked to him in more than two years. So she said the formalities of goodbye and turned the corner to the chambers to retire for the night.

As the sun rose Delilah exited the palace to the gardens where she was to study Laru’s latest pieces. She sat for an hour attempting to focus on the illustrious descriptions of the new Persian provinces. She gave up after her mind wandered for the 10th time to the encounter she had the night before with the man she had left her heart with in Israel.

As she looked up Ava approached her. She had that grin on her face that made Delilah’s stomach feel uneasy. It usually meant she knew something of importance, or some type of mischief that Delilah didn’t know.

“Delilah I have news.” She sat on the bench and started twiddling the sleeve of her dress.
“What is it?” always a pause for dramatic effect.

“The queen wants you to travel to Nayum on business with her. You are to have some of the most important family members of the Persian Empire escort you. I would love to have gone but my duty is to stay with Laru, while you are absent from court. Oh what a privilege to be able to go at this time of year! With the addition of the queen personally asking you to go.”

Delilah for once was joyful over the news brought to her. She had heard Nayum was one of the most beautiful Provinces. And the work while traveling would be light. She needed a break from the constant work she was surrounded by here in the palace. Not to mention the women, who although were very nice to her, were rather tiresome to live with.

That night the queen called her to a private meeting to discuss the details of the work she was to do. Two days later she was ready to go. Many of the men and women in her party she had known for years so the familiar faces were eagerly received the morning of. Aster her cousin had come to assist Delilah. She had requested her as a maidservant, as she usually does whenever given the option, so as to spend more time with her.

Aster was eager,” What are we waiting for? We are on business and it need not be delayed.”

Delilah gave her a smile and assured her,” We will soon be on our way, I believe we are waiting for two other men to arrive, I do not know whom.”
As soon as she said so two men came from around the corner. One a face Delilah did not recognize, the other Cyrus.

He immediately made eye contact with her, before she turned away she thought she saw a look of surprise in his eyes, and then a look of pleasure.

He went straight to his horse, mounted and spoke to the party, “ We have quite a long journey together so make sure all your belongings are loaded, and lets start.”

Delilah looked away, and got in her caravan wondering to God why he was so suddenly involved in her life. And why he seemed to be interested in who she was at all. Especially since she was technically just a stranger to him still. Little did she know Cyrus was watching her walk away, wondering the same thing.





18 comments:

  1. To start with, I have to say wow! This was such a compelling piece to read! I certainly enjoyed that it was a love story, told in a very subtle way. You provided a small back story that you incorporated into the piece that really added to the story, and did not detract from anything. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I also enjoy that you wrote this from a different perspective of culture. You added details and imagery of another culture that created the character Delilah and Cyrus. You did a wonderful job incorporating dialogue, which really added to the characters and the mystery behind Delilah's past and why she felt how she did about Cyrus. I loved the imagery as well. Whenever I read stories, imagery always helps you feel like you are there, and you most certainly captured that well. I felt like I could see the palace and the grounds Delilah lived in. Overall, it was a wonderful piece from a different perspective that I enjoyed reading!

    -Jordan C.

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  2. I enjoyed this simple love story. It is nice and subtle and is the type of story that makes you want to read more. Good detail and I really liked how you wrote the story in a way that makes it show the setting is in Persia. Great dialogue as well. Overall, you wrote a simple yet great piece. Good job!
    - Deborah Fraire
    Period 1

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  3. The characters really came to life as if they were real people. You gave them their own distinct personalities through a nice love story that shows you never know what is going on in another persons life. To understand you have to get to know them and gain their trust. I think that was what Delilah and Cyrus are going to do but didn't yet have an understanding of each other.

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  4. My favorite part is definitely the time period of the piece. I love that you were able to write within a different culture setting and different time period, because that can be extremely hard to do, and even harder if you are not completely comfortable with it. It reminds me of the start of a really good fan fiction story (which is one of my favorite forms of pastime literature).

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  5. First I love the setting of the story and how there is a different type of culture involved than from what we may be used to. My favorite part of the entire story is how the main characters meet and the ending where they are both wondering and thinking about each. It makes me anxious to know what else happens between the two of the them. I really loved this story and I wish it was longer. REALLY GREAT JOB!!!!

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  6. I really enjoyed how the budding love story between Delilah and Cyrus was so subtle yet it was probably so meaningful to both parties involved. I'm kind of a sucker for love stories in which the two people get off on the wrong foot but then find a way to fall in love.

    Oge Okafor
    Period 5

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  7. I've come to a conclusion where I realized I want more of this story. I have so many questions that are about Cyrus and Delilah.
    I admit that I tend to get hooked on romantic themes and if I interpreted this so far wrongly, I apologize. This piece is absolutely amazing for such a small section of an entire story. I'm what you say "hooked."

    forever a fan,
    Ariel Foster
    Period 3

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  8. I really love the detail in the story especially how you added who you wanted to be and this story is inspiring for some people so,,good job.

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  9. I really love the characters in the story I love you how you put a lot of detail in here and this is really good at first the setting was Great I love it and good job

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  10. Simply, AMAZING! I loved and thoroughly enjoyed this love story. The way that you provided dialogue and inner thoughts it distinguishes the characters and allows you to fall in place of the characters. By providing the background of Delilah's story makes the tone a "love mystery" that they both have a past that will unite in the future. Personally, I feel like you can put this as the modern day crush and how one can both be very shy to open up. This story is truly amazing! Good job Jordan!

    Allyson Bol
    Period 3

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  11. As I was scanning through which story to read first, the structure of the story, and the language as I looked closer, really caught my attention. I love reading stories that contain uncommon or language and diction that's foreign to our own. The story combined with the language was great for me and I enjoyed every last bit of it :3

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  12. Jordan, I thought that this piece was absolutely wonderful, and just the right length to give the readers a good background while simultaneously building on the drama between Delilah and Cyrus. It seems like a perfect teaser for a novel. I loved this piece, the story is great, good job!

    Taylor Sandoval
    Cogswell p. 5

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  13. I really liked the story , but I would advice next time to try and develop each character first , try to maybe add some back ground ,imagery , or try to appeal to our senses , I feel as if you just jumped right into the story and left your reader kind of confused on who's ,who and why are interacting .

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  14. I love culturally symbolic pieces! You elaborated so well and created such an entertaining story! The characters were also extremely distinct and enjoyable to follow. Well Done!

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  15. I enjoy settings and time frames I'm estranged to. The more I read, the more I wanted to find out about the characters. It takes time and patience to create something your unfamiliar with. I hope you had as much fun writing as I did reading. You did a very good job creating dialogue between characters. Excellent work!

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  16. This is quite an excellent piece! I really like the scenario, which was well developed with just the right amount of length to set up the background and plot. Similarly, the setting is very unique and I must say it is a great choice given that we don't see too much culture in today's stories. This is an elaborate story of that experience most of us may have encountered years ago! We all know the feeling of having a crush and the more contact we have with them, the more we start to get curious and question our own feelings for them. I admire how relatable the story is and the use of the Middle East is a great addition to the uniqueness of this piece. Keep writing!

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  17. This is quite an excellent piece! I really like the scenario, which was well developed with just the right amount of length to set up the background and plot. Similarly, the setting is very unique and I must say it is a great choice given that we don't see too much culture in today's stories. This is an elaborate story of that experience most of us may have encountered years ago! We all know the feeling of having a crush and the more contact we have with them, the more we start to get curious and question our own feelings for them. I admire how relatable the story is and the use of the Middle East is a great addition to the uniqueness of this piece. Keep writing!

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  18. Normally I don't say this about love stories but I really liked this one you put a lot of detail into the dialog and even it to the setting just overall really liked the story great job an I hope u make some more stories

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