Pages

Monday, May 4, 2015

"The corrupt king" by Margaret M


He was falling his life flashing across his eyes as he was pushed from behind. He turned, the kind face of his friend distorted with malice.
He fell, memories of his life appearing to him.
He remembers as a child the only person he could trust was his friend, his dear dear friend. Everyone else was after his life for his father was the cruel ruler and he his only heir. The continuous betrayals he faced changed him, twisting him into his father.
He trusted no one.
Especially not his cruel father whom he hated. He recalled the poison he slipped into his father’s wine too easily and how quickly he was crowned to the depressed citizens tired of the previous king.
However,
He proved to be much much worse. Raising the taxes to an unlivable level, killing any suspected of treason with or with out proof, waging war, changing the laws for worse, and many more unspeakable acts.
He fell recalling the more recent memories of his, tears trailing behind him as he continued from the great height. He thought he could trust his friend after all he had been through, he should have noticed the unease his friend gave after killing off his younger sister who argued with him due to his treatment of their people.
He was betrayed by the last person he trusted in the world, but he could not be upset. Nor hold any grudge.
Instead he smiled reaching his hand to the sky as he made impact with the ground his crown flying off his head out reached arm falling to the side.
He reached towards the sky again looking at the tower his friend stood outside opening is mouth to address the crowed.
‘Thank you’ he whispered as his world fell dark and he met his peace at last.
“ THE CORRUPT KING IS DEAD REJOICE”

56 comments:

  1. Great story I like the message you employed that power can corrupt. Also how power isn't as great as it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Margaret! I really enjoyed the way that you started the story in the present, continuing with flashbacks in order to explain the situation that is described in the opening lines of the story. This method of storytelling creates a certain suspense in the reader, an anticipation for the moment when everything described will suddenly make sense. This moment comes later in the story as you show the boy's transformation from innocent to corrupt just as his father before him, bringing him full circle and explaining his predicament at the beginning of the story. You end the story on a very positive note, leaving the former king not bitter from betrayal, but grateful for the peace he was offered. Great Job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. i like this story alot it has a story behind it too and i really enjoyed it ..i also love a story containing flashbacks with smooth transitioning to the present so great job on that love

    ReplyDelete
  4. It reminds me of Macbeth so much, but of course yours is better. The syntax of the story was different and I loved how it was basically kind of reflections back on his own life and then it adds up to the impending present. This definitely felt like a Shakespearean tragedy because the audience knows the main character is headed for disaster. What's funny to me about this character is that he knows that what he is doing is malicious but he believes that everyone else understands. That last line of dialogue definitely has a huge impact on the audience because your story foreshadows his dark future. Great job.
    -Katheryn Valle
    P.1

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love how you wrote this story. Especially how you added the flashbacks and the story about his father without just saying “flashbacks” or something vague like that. I also thought it was really interesting to be in the protagonist’s mind and be able to get to see what his perspective and viewpoints about life, power, and relationships are. And although I probably shouldn’t be, I was sad that he killed himself in front of his people and they were rejoicing. But i was kind of just seeing his perspective even though you told that he raised taxes it was still kind of harsh. But anywaaaayyyy great story, I really loved reading it!
    Mariah Rhodes
    Period 6

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love this story in general, but what I like the most is how you added the flashbacks into it! It was very well written. great job.
    -ashlyn barnes P6

    ReplyDelete
  7. I enjoyed this piece. It conveyed a good message about how power can corrupt people and how we sometimes think we are doing the right things, but can be doing wrong things. I'm glad at the end, the king realized his mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I really enjoyed this story. I enjoyed how it began about the man falling and then it went from flashback to reality. It showed that power can sometimes mess with people's attitude and behavior towards others and themselves. This was a really good story would love to read more from you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I like the way this piece is uniquely structured to match the same situation of falling that the man is experiencing. I also like how the diction makes seems almost rushed, as the mans thoughts are as he fell. I found it interesting to see what the corrupt king had done that had led to this, and the whispered than you at the end. Great job Margaret!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really enjoyed the flashbacks in the story and I enjoyed reading it because it was a love story. Well written and detailed. Keep up the work!
    - Vymian San p.2

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey Margaret! I really think it's interesting, firstly, how you structured your piece. The format you used utilized a lot of line breaks which I think really helped emphasize the anticipation the reader is supposed to be feeling. I think it's also nice how you developed the characterization of the king by initially describing his own disgust by his father, to his disgust by himself. It acts as sort of a subtle plot twist. I think the part that really made me speculate, though, was the ending when he thanked his friend. It made me and I'm sure others too question whether the friend really betrayed the king or was really honestly trying to do him a favor and help him end his tyranny. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dang Margaret, that was such an amazing short piece. I honestly wish the story was longer to get more detail. As I was reading this I could almost picture this as a movie. I loved all the imagery and the finale. I thought this was an amazing piece!

    Great Job!

    Elisabeth Domond
    Period 5

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. great story. I wish the story was kind of longer so I can get more detail in the short piece. really good piece overall.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I really enjoyed your story! It had a very interesting concept and I liked your use of flashbacks. It really brings out the relationship the main character had with his father and with his friend. Also I liked the ending. It really closes the story very well. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  16. This story was great. The use of bringing past and present together in the concept of the story really showed how the characters were connected. It showed overall that power drives people crazy in a way.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The story was really great and i enjoyed it
    Xavier Delgado
    P.2

    ReplyDelete
  18. Amazing Margaret! I enjoyed reading this especially as my eyes followed the structure of this piece. I liked how you kept repeating the event of him falling. In his time in the air you include background of the King's father, friend, and his sister. Great message of tyranny and selfish desire for power. Overall, awesome job!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Very good story. The details about how the man fell because of the poison. Good story.
    Period 6
    Luis Toro

    ReplyDelete
  20. I found this story to be very interesting, especially by how the story is told. Very well written

    ReplyDelete
  21. I would never have expected that thanks from a dying man to his killer. However, in these circumstances it was very appropriate. You did a very nice job of creating so much character development in such a short amount of time. The cycle of tyranny he tried to defeat consumed him in the end. Now will the King's killer be the one to usurp the position of king and tyrant? I would love to know. Well done on this piece.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like how your story begins with the end. IT kinda reminds me of Harry Potter (I open at the close.) Anyway, I like how you contrasted the speaker's goals with the actual outcome of the event. It created an ironic twist at the end of your story.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I really enjoyed your story!!! You carried an amazing structure throughout the entire short story, that though simple was very powerful. You showed by the simple structure and tone the casual way man falls into their natural state. But I do love how you ended the story with the friend putting an end to the kings reign because it shows the power in friendship.
    Eva Badal
    Period 1

    ReplyDelete
  24. I loved reading this, the time era, the structure, the progression of the king's mentality. Such a great story. I love how we get a brief history of the king's father and see the parallel nature of the new king, it makes me wander was the power corrupting him? how did he get like this? and the end was great. How the king was finally at peace.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hey Margaret!
    Your story actually reminded me a lot of Hamlet. Maybe it's the betrayal aspect, or perhaps just the darkened content. Either way, your work left me with such an ominous feeling I hardly know what to think. I love how much you were able to say, even with such little detail. It was direct, and sent a clear message without sacrificing the overall impact on the audience. The betrayal of the friend broke my heart, and it proved that when one has lived a life altered by wickedness, they will never find compassion in the good. This was a little depressing, but effective nevertheless.
    Congrats on such an inspiring piece! :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. This actually reminds me a lot of Prince Arthur and his father king in the tv show called Merlin. This story was very well told with a strangely heart warming end. It's funny because I really hope the townspeople heard him when he said "Thank you". If they didn't I'd be very upset that they he left the earth misunderstood. You can tell it was a good story when I start thinking this way about the characters. Thanks for the read.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I found this piece a bit interesting the way you incorporated the flashbacks , and the way you gave the story a kind of mid evil theme. felt like I was ready something from Shakespeare.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Your piece basically summarized all Shakespearean tragedies. It was nice that you set it up to be a reflection of his own life. And that reflection totally worked with the whole "life flashes before your eyes" vibe you were going for. Also it leaves a little mystery for the readers because we wonder what between the gaps of his memories. It was a very intriguing piece.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I found this was an interesting piece. I like how you start with the kings death draw back into his past to what leads to that moment. I like how you went into detail with the full sensation of emotions the corrupt king felt ad he died. I also like the specific points you made of his cruelty and explain what cam of the child raised by the corrupt king before him his father. I really enjoyed reading your story and like the message on how power can corrupt.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is a great piece! I love how you use diction to reflect on how power can corrupt you and how much consequence it brings. You set up emotions I wasn't ready for, and that's a good thing!. Your piece is awesome! Good Job!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I found this was an interesting piece. I like how you start with the kings death draw back into his past to what leads to that moment. I like how you went into detail with the full sensation of emotions the corrupt king felt ad he died. I also like the specific points you made of his cruelty and explain what cam of the child raised by the corrupt king before him his father. I really enjoyed reading your story and like the message on how power can corrupt.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Nice settings and times when he was remembering the past and taking his own life. if he did take his own life.
    -Isaac Garcia
    per 6

    ReplyDelete
  33. I really enjoyed this new take on a Shakespearean tragedy. Unlike most of Shakespeare's work, it wasn't all tragic. Your king, although having been described as evil in actions, truly feels bad for his actions and finds peace in death, whereas Shakespearean characters tend to find no peace in death (especially when they come back as ghosts). This piece was well written and challenged the stereotypical antagonist.

    ReplyDelete
  34. This a great read about corruption of power and greed. I felt a connection to Hamlet and your use of flashbacks really made the story seem fresh. I was entranced until the end, great job Margaret!
    Tedman Nguyen
    Period : 1

    ReplyDelete
  35. Nice Job! I really enjoyed your use of flashbacks and how you were very descriptive in explaining how the king was corrupt and what the son had to do about it. I really enjoyed reading it!.
    Alyssa Anastasi
    P. 5

    ReplyDelete
  36. This was a great insight about corruption and greed. I also enjoyed how the king was not mad about his son's betrayal. I do believe that the son had to do it.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I enjoyed your story. Well done! I really loved the overall plot and unique tone you conveyed through your writing!

    -Andrew Trinidad
    Period1

    ReplyDelete
  38. I enjoyed your story. Well done! I really loved the overall plot and unique tone you conveyed through your writing!

    -Andrew Trinidad
    Period1

    ReplyDelete
  39. I especially enjoyed the structure of your piece it was very unique in comparison with the structure of most other works on here. Your story was short and concise. I feel as though your piece is told in blank verse as each line holds a lot of meaning yeT few words. I especially enjoyed the way in which you decided to end the piece in all capital letters saying the corrupt King is dead rejoice it offered a strong contrast to the rest of The piece. I really enjoyed reading your bonus material and I hope that you continue to write more in the future.
    Adan Chavez Per. 4

    ReplyDelete
  40. I really enjoyed this piece, great job with the detail! keep it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Wow Maraget, I've always known you to be creative. I loved the plot of your story, it's very telling of who you are. Your structure is provided to be very unique, and I love the concepts. Great work overall. -Thuy Cao

    ReplyDelete
  42. Wow! This piece was great from beginning to end. I loved how you utilized flashbacks into your story it made it even better. The structure of your piece was very unique and it made your audience even more intrigued. Overall GREAT piece keep up the great work!
    Leah Hernandez
    period 4

    ReplyDelete
  43. Dang, I really love the insight this piece gives of the corrupt monarchies that have been in the world and also how it explores the evil side of human nature. Keep up the good work.
    Jacob Valdez
    Period 4

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wow! Incredible; this story really pumped me up, it was phenomenally executed; the way the son hated the his father and his way of kingship contrasting to his own method of ruling (which was way crueler and less forgiving) really brought character and excitement to his story. And the small little twist and sense of betrayal in both sides of the story, the son and the friend, made it more awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Wow this story was very well written, I really enjoyed how much detail there was of the corrupted king's character. I love the amount of imagery that you use throughout the piece, really good job.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I really enjoyed this piece! My favorite part was that the king was not angry. He understood that he was a terrible king and all of things he did where extremely selfish and not for the people. This sounded like it could have been a commercial for and upcoming historical movie. Great Job!
    Nehemiah Barnett
    Period 4

    ReplyDelete
  47. This is an amazing story. I especially love how people are in monarchies; stuck in the boundaries of their world. The imagery provides how the bad people can rule over others and gives a sense of betrayal. Great Job.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Good job !! It was a really unique story!!!
    Imalla Ramirez
    Period 6

    ReplyDelete
  49. Marian Hollinquest
    Period 4
    This is a great story of death and reconciliation
    Good Job!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Nice story i liked how u went into detail with this piece
    keep writing!!!
    Oscar Rodriguez
    Period 6

    ReplyDelete
  51. I really liked this story. A lot of people become corrupt when they have a lot of power, like the two kings in this story. Keep writing!
    Anthony Chao
    Period 6

    ReplyDelete
  52. Margaret, awesome piece! I absolutely loved the organization of the piece and how it started in the middle of the action and then slowly recounted the memories of the protagonist one by one. The way it was structured shifted the tone from sadness for the main character to justification once the reader realizes all his wrongdoings as a king. In such a short amount of time, you managed to create such an interesting story filled with multiple angles. Great job!

    Isabelle Huynh
    Per.1

    ReplyDelete
  53. The story was amazing. I liked how you used the king childhood memories. This just shows how much this it is important that your parents show good characteristics. Keep on the good work.
    -Jordan Do
    period 1

    ReplyDelete

Remember, make your comment positive, supportive, and specific to the piece you're commenting on. No anonymous comments! :)