My
name is Avery and I'm an orphan. I've been in and out of foster care and
adoption homes my whole life. Foster care is a terrible place and I’m dying to
get out. I was abused by one of my foster parents and I have been through so
much counseling to get over it. That happened when I was younger but now I'm 17
and my birthday is in a month. Once you turn 18 you are kicked out of the
system and have to live on your own. Although I hate this place and would do
anything to get out I don't have any family I know of or a place to stay so,
I'm determined to find my parents. I saved my money and found a man who specializes
in finding family members. I gave him all my information and he located my
parents in just a few days. They had moved to Delaware after leaving me at the
adoption center 16 years before. I called my parents and my mom picked up, I
explained who I was and she apologized for leaving me and said she wanted to
meet me. She had the same story as every other mother who gives a kid up for
adoption, she was young and dumb and could never be a good parent. I could care
less now, because all I wanted to do was meet them. I got on a plane the next
day and the day after that I would finally meet the ones who gave me life. After arriving in Delaware and getting to my
hotel room I was so excited, scared, nervous and every other emotion to meet
them. To settle my mind I turned on the news, it was all boring until the
breaking news came on about a huge car crash not far from my hotel. Then to my
horror I saw my parents’ name flash on the screen. My whole world was crushed,
I came so close to finally meeting my parents and now it was over. They were
instantly killed in the crash. My mom and dad, the ones I waited all my life to
see and now I couldn’t. I didn't know what to do with myself. I just stared at
the TV, then it finally hit me and I started balling. Now I was a true orphan
and I never felt more alone in my life.
Find the shape and tell it!
Your story is really touching, I honestly hate the fact that children have to go through this but nicely written and detailed, happy that it allowed me to imagine what was happening. Good job!
ReplyDelete- vymian san p.2
All I can say is wow great story but also a sad feeling for a kid but good job.
ReplyDelete-Kamau O
-P.2
It is nicely written and detailed
ReplyDeleteXavier Delgado
Period 2
Well my heart is now officially broken, you know, if I were to have one after this story! It was like watching a movie on Lifetime. I was going to be so happy for her. Now I can just feel how barren and alone she must feel. Wow. You really know how to crush a persons hopes. Your story is extremely touching and shows us how the world is a cruel place that can either make you or brake you. Reminds me of other children who are constantly going through this chain reactions - foster homes. Great Job! :)
ReplyDeleteYour story was very emotional. I thought this was very well written with a good plot. Great Job!
ReplyDelete~Mia Tolliver
period 2
Your emotional story has a very well written plot. I hope you continue to write great pieces of writing like the one you have here.
ReplyDelete-Jobelle Dauz
period 2
Aw! so sad! Its very deep and touching. After I read the title I knew it was going to be heartbreaking, so i was expecting it.
ReplyDeleteJosie Starr
Period 2
Really interesting twist on the typical happy ending of an orphan finding her parents. As far-fetched as the story is, it really has the message that not all stories have happy endings and life throws you some crazy curveballs. This plot would be even more effective if it were written through the girl's thought process instead of listing the facts of the situation. Listing the sequence of events and starting the sentences with "I" took away some of the emotional potential. Overall nice story! :)
ReplyDeleteThis story was really heart breaking from the beginning to end, but I'm sure that the type of emotion you were trying to evoke from your reader so good job with that. I wish there was more detail in how the character moved on from that experience because I really hoped they would have a happy ending to their troubled childhood but regardless it was still a good story.
ReplyDeleteOh...my! I went from feeling bad for the orphan, to getting all happy that she was going to meet her parents, and then back to sad because her parents died on their way to meet her. Just wow! This piece was really good! I love the plot twist you made and the end..and I love the emotion that was put into it. Very good!
ReplyDeleteThat was such an emotional piece *starts tearing up*. It was sad for the obvious reasons but I wonder, that isn’t really what happens a lot... some may say it could have ben fate. A cool thing you could do because the story is kinda short, you could finish it almost fairy tail like and give the poor and unfortunate orphan a happy ending. Where’s Walt Disney we are making an awesome freakin story?! But it was an awesome story, keep up the writing!
ReplyDeletemariah rhodes
period 6
This piece was sad on so many levels. The poor kid had to live in foster care and was abused. Then when he finally found his parents, they die on the way to meet him. This was a depressing piece, but that seems like that's what you were going for. Great Job
ReplyDeleteNehemiah Barnett
Period 4
James
ReplyDeleteThis story is very sad and it reminds me of the lovely bones movie, but it is a great story and I really like it.
Therefor you are a great writer keep up the good work.
This story is very sad. this is because this can happen in real life. Anybody life can flash in just a second and they could be gone. this story make me appreciate my family.
ReplyDeleteJesse Jauregui
Your story perfectly potrays how the character felt and it's amazing! Great job .
ReplyDeleteChiquitita Annisa
Period 2
A very sad story. It was very sad at the part where she finds out how her parents died. Good job.
ReplyDeletePeriod 6
Luis Toro
This story is so sad it made me feel very emotional inside. You were very descriptive in your story so I was able to imagine it all in my head. Overall, amazing job on this story!
ReplyDeleteGood job Kenzie!! I thought your story was so sad, but even though it broke my heart you did a very good job using the tone and voice of the speaker to help you support your character. You used a very simple and almost childlike tone showing the reader the characters wish and hope that she were still young to have the peace of not being completely abandoned. One thing you could work on to improve is to use more imagery when describing situations to draw your reader closer in. You did an awesome job though! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteEva Badal
Period 1
Great Story. This story was very emotional and was very detailed. But good job overall.
ReplyDeleteJoseph Mendez
per.2
Wow this a very touching story but this is also a great story. I was happy because she was going to meet her parents but then they died that was very sad but it was a very good plot twist.
ReplyDelete~Clarissa Rojas
Period 2
Dang... that was deep she was so lonley and once she got in contact with her family they got in a car crash and passed away. This was a really good story good job!
ReplyDelete-Angel Gonzalez
p2
This was a great piece the way your worded it I felt as if this I was sitting with this young heartbroken woman. It's also a good piece because it's not like the stories with normal stories because in reality there isn't always a happy ending. This is a great tragedy for a short story because it's hard enough being given up to an orphanage. Then right as you were about to meet the people you've always wondered about they're once again ripped from you reach once again. This was a great story very well written keep writing more stories your really good!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece the way your worded it I felt as if this I was sitting with this young heartbroken woman. It's also a good piece because it's not like the stories with normal stories because in reality there isn't always a happy ending. This is a great tragedy for a short story because it's hard enough being given up to an orphanage. Then right as you were about to meet the people you've always wondered about they're once again ripped from you reach once again. This was a great story very well written keep writing more stories your really good!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. It was short but it conveyed alot of emotion. The simple and straightforward structure of the story helps set the tone for the reader; it feels as if we were reading the character's mind. The plot twist was a great way to create a shock, especially because the story begins on a sad tone and we assume things will get better for the character. However, the story did not have a happy ending and I think it works really well.
ReplyDeleteDiana Padilla
period1
This story had a lot of good emotion , it had good detail ! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteNice Job! I really enjoyed reading your piece and kept wanting to read it more and more. I really like the structure of your piece and how you did not end the story with a typical happy ending which was a very interesting twist. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Anastasi
P.5
I enjoyed this writing. This is honestly a great piece of work. You set out a lot of emotion and that is what I enjoyed most.
ReplyDelete-Brianna B.
Period 4