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Monday, February 2, 2015
"Your Eyes Can Play Tricks" by Michael H
It was a cold, snowy winter day. A 17 year old girl named Rose. Rose parents had to go on a business trip, so they left her home alone. After saying their goodbyes Rose went to the couch, got a blanket, and watched a movie. The Television was next to a see through sliding door which led outside. While watching her movie, Rose noticed something getting closer to the window. As she focused, a figure appeared at the window. At first she thought he was lost, until the man slowly pulled out a knife. Immediately Rose started panicking and she froze with fear. The man was staring at her while pointing a knife towards. Rose then pulled the blanket she had over her head. She took out her phone and started dialing 911. All Rose could do was wait in fear. After a couple minutes of waiting, Rose heard a knock at the door and immediately she got up and sprinted to the door. The police came in and Rose explained the story to them. The police then inspected outside where the man was standing to look for footprints. There weren't any. While the police were outside inspecting, Rose was inside waiting to hear the news the police gathered. All of a sudden there was a scream and the police rushed inside the house to see what was wrong. All they saw was Rose on the ground with a huge wound in her stomach, and a man with a knife standing over the body. This man was wickedly smiling and staring maniacally in the police eyes. The man had just killed Rose. In the end, Rose wasn't seeing a man through the window, she was seeing a reflection of this crazed murder. He was inside the house the whole time, waiting to strike. Your eyes can play tricks on you.
5 stars michael!!!!!!! Im a freak for stories like this and i have to say you had me off the edge of my seat. This is an amazing story i like how its descriptive but its also straight to the point. I love how it also ties into the title!!
ReplyDeleteDeja Hardrick period 2
What a chilling story! I really want to know what happens next. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGreat Story. Good use of diction and imagery. I could really picture the scene playing out through my head. Great twist at the end with a significant message.
ReplyDeleteMilani Thomas
This story was really good and suspenseful. At first I thought the police would think she was crazy and was just imagining something was there outside. It was a good turn in the story,good job. I hope to read more from you.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! That story freaked me out so much yet it was so good! I never would have guessed the guy was actually in the house and yes our eyes can deceive us and you pointed out a great way of telling us all.
ReplyDeleteSarah Skibby
Period 6
I found the end this story to a twist from what I honestly expected. I enjoyed the ending of this story, well done.
ReplyDeleteNoah Martinez
ReplyDeletep.2
This was a great story I like how you used a plot twister. GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!
Elisabeth Domond, Pd.5
ReplyDeleteWow! While reading the story I thought that it was going to have a happy ending. But then when I read that final line, I was really surprised and I felt kinda dumb for thinking it was going to have a happy ending. You did a really good job, you totally tricked me.
Great Job!
Hallie Deeds
ReplyDeletep.2
The story was short I would have loved for it to be longer. I loved the twist and the message at the end of the story. You did a really good job.
I was honestly scared and it made me scared to stay home alone at night now haha. Good job !
ReplyDeleteimalla ramirez
period 6
This story was amazing. It was also scary how he was in the house the whole time. You did a spectacular job.
ReplyDeletethe story is really deep and very scary but, it also makes you think about things in a way. i love it. Nais Zjaii Ragsdale
ReplyDeletethe story is really deep and very scary but, it also makes you think about things in a way. i love it. Nais Zjaii Ragsdale
ReplyDeleteLooks like i wont be sleeping tonight! Hah, great story, I literally go the chills during the last line!
ReplyDeleteJosie Starr
Period 2
This story is my favorite because it gives alot of detail. Also it was very interesting. Good job !!
ReplyDeleteperiod 6
izabel linn
This story got me really interested. I liked how you made the plot sort of twist by showing that the murderer was in the house the entire time and not outside. I really enjoyed your story, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteShayan Khan
Period 6
Marian Hollinquest
ReplyDeleteperiod 4
The length of this story may be very short, but the substance of it was very heavy. I was able to keep my attention because the tension built in this story was intense, great job!
What a great story I really enjoyed the tension and suspension that was built into the story good job keep up the good work
ReplyDeletevalerie perez
period 6
Wow, this really got me hanging by the edge of my seat! I liked how the story included imagery, making it more realistic and frightening. It was short, yet to the point. Definitely filled with suspicion, good job!
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
This was a great story! It was very exciting and had suspense. Good job!
ReplyDeleteJoseph Mendez
per.2
Really enjoyed your story. i liked the tense plot and the suspense you added to it knowing the murder was in the house the whole time. goodjob.
ReplyDeleteOscar rodriguez
period 6
I love the creepy tone that you gave to this story and the situational irony at the end. The story has a great plot and a nice short syntax, just like the short life and death of Rose.
ReplyDeleteJacob Valdez
Period 4
WELL.....looks like im not looking at windows anymore aha. Great job i loved these kind of spooky stories
ReplyDeleteAndrew Hernandez
Period 2
I loved your well detailed work. I like how you ended the story with a plot twist. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteJobelle Dauz
Period 2
Very well written. I like the suspense in the story and at the end how she died. Very good quote.
ReplyDeleteLuis Toro
Period 6
it was really well written and it also had good detail and I just hated how she died un the end.
ReplyDeleteI really did enjoy this story. It wasn't the typical mysterious horror story that commonly ends with dead. It was written very well and I loved it :) thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHaylie D
Period 4
wow, I definitely was not expecting that ending. I had really thought that the murderer was outside, and it's crazy how things work out. I like how you used a suspenseful build up to reach the ending of your story. The thoughts that ran through my mind were "will she die?" "will the police die?" "is the murderer a psycho ex boyfriend?"; your story kept me thinking and wanting to read more. goodjob!
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting plot for sure. I would recommend making the audience think and leave them guessing as to what went on in that house. More descriptions and less plot summary would make this piece even more mysterious.
ReplyDeleteNice Job! Your piece gave me the chills while I was reading it. I really liked the plot twist at the end of the story and really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete-Alyssa Anastasi
Period 5
Great job! I liked the twist at the end. -Altierre Paris
ReplyDeleteReally well written story with a nice plot twist at the end. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteFaisal H
Period 5
This piece was really well written! I liked how it wasn't to long it was short and the story didn't drag. I like how at the end you said that your eyes can like trick you! Because it's true! Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteThis story is quite mysterious. I was kept in suspense the entire time, and was shocked by the outcome and the realization of the man’s whereabouts. It was interesting how it ended, and the irony, because nobody would have expected the man to actually be inside the house. I can relate this to me because as a child I always had a fear of looking out the window, especially at night.
ReplyDelete-nate shepard p.1
okay.. This was quite unexpected. I like how you restated the title at the end that was kind of the ah-ha momment. It tied t he story in allowing the readers to identify what they had just read.
ReplyDeleteBruh!! This lowkey got me scared to stay home by myself now and look out a window. This was a great story and I liked the way in which you used great detail and connected it back to your title. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteThis story isnt original, you got it from a previoisly told story when u look into "freaky mysteries" and many other places amongst the internet,cmon man.
ReplyDelete