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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"Mystery" by Hallie D



            Yes I am the man who climbed the cliffs and passed through the fog and now Im here to tell you what happened on my adventure. It was a beautiful Tuesday morning when I was fishing in my boat like usual, but for some reason I became very curious about the the fog that was on top of the mountain. My mother has warned me about the fog but I disregarded what she told me and started off in the direction of the cliffs. As I got closer to the cliffs it felt like they were hypnotizing me. I know that might sound ridiculous but all my focus was on the cliffs and the fog. Once I reached the shore I tied the boat off and thats when the real adventure began. At first, climbing the cliffs was quiet easy but it hit me all at once when I looked down and realized how high the cliffs actually were. My fingers were cold and cramping from the crisp morning breeze, but I was to determined to find out what was behind the fog so I trailed on. My legs were burning from climbing, my back and neck were aching and at this point I felt like giving and lying down, but sadly there is no where to stop and rest. As I get closer, the hardest part of the journey is coming to an end.
            Finally I made it, I've never been so happy to lay down in my life. When I caught my breath and stood up I could hardly see the ground beneath my feet. The fog was thicker than I thought it would have been. The fog must have gone on for at least three miles before I reached the end. Everything beyond the dark mist was absolutely beautiful. As I ventured into the new land I stumbled across strange insects and amazing flowers but the best thing I found was a fruit that tasted like a mixture of a tangerine and a pineapple, but ten times better. I spent all day stuffing my face with all these magnificent exotic fruits. I thought it was about time for me to go home since i had spent almost all day and I promised my mother that I would be home in time for dinner. I made my way down the mountain and got into my boat not really observing what condition it was in. Looking bak now, the boat was in horrible condition, with cracked paint and a dying engine. When I made it back to the dock everything looked different from when I left, but how is this possible if I have only been gone for a few hours? I walked down these some what familiar roads and made my way to my home. I see remainders of what once was my home. I searched for familiar faces but I found none so I asked a kind lady what year it was and she said 2015, which was exactly 70 years from when I left for the island in 1945. I now am starting to realize what is really behind the story of the fog. No one has lived to tell it because by the time you get back from the trip, time for you has paused, but down in the village time will still continue on. So I would highly recommend staying away from the anomalous fog.

15 comments:

  1. Amazing story! very mysterious. Great imagery you used created this enchanting world behind the fog. I love the creativity when describing the world, exotic fruits and flowers, "fruit that tasted like a mixture of tangerine and pineapple"(Sounds delicious) . I like how the story starts off.The narrator makes it sound as though he did the impossible. At the beginning when the narrator is being lured in by the fog his curiosity stimulated my curiosity as to whats in the fog and then towards the end, the plot twist. 70 years has passed from what felt like hours for him, great ending I want to know more about the land and the fog!

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  2. I like this story. I like how you used big words and how you were very detailed in this story.
    ~Clarissa Rojas
    Period 2

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  3. I love how you continued our writing prompt but made it better. I also love the plot twist of how time stopped. It is so cool. Any time you want peace just go up there. You did a great job.

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  4. This is a amazing story and I really enjoyed that it was detailed and it has such big vocabulary words and they aren't to big to lose someone's attention but they are big enough to capture the attention at at highschool level congratulations !!

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  5. Oh plot twist! I wasn't expecting that! It reminded me of when Captain America woke up from being frozen for years. I liked the mystery and suspense the story told. Great job!

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  6. Stunning story! I like how you constructed the ending
    Chiquitita Annisa P.2

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  7. Nice use of imagery in this story. This story may be even cooler if it were written in present time, as though we were right there with him as he was experiencing and figuring everything out instead of it being in the past. Alluding to the powerful fog instead of explicitly stating it's powers could also be a nice touch. Good job overall!

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  8. I thought this was a great story. the detail in the story was really good. I also liked how people are supposed to 'listen' to their parents because they are 'always right'.
    jesse jauregui

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  9. This was a great story and it was very detailed. Good job over all and keep it up!
    Joseph Mendez
    per.2

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  10. I enjoyed the concept of this tale. Your ideas were intriguing and mysterious, though somewhat cliche. I would advise that, when writing creative literature, be consistent in the tense of your verbs. It would make the story flow better, as well as captivate the audience in a much more fluent fashion. One thing that I enjoyed was your blatant use of imagery and detail. When describing the environment, you didn't take the easy way out, but instead created a vibrant world for the reader. So ya. There's my advice and praise. Live Long and Prosper.
    Andy Reinschmidt Period 5

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  11. I like the imagery and the twist at the very end. Good job!
    Per.2 Altierre Paris

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  12. Good job with your story keep up with the good work!
    p2
    -Angel Gonzalez

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  13. Marian Hollinquest
    Period 4
    the imagery of your story defines the very essence of "mystery" and the light-heartedly comical sentence at the end changed the tone of the diction so quickly that this could be very satirical
    Keep up the good work!!!

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  14. I love the twist ending and all the descriptive details.
    kenzie mcewan
    period 2

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  15. Great story and good details. I could picture the mountain and the fog completely. The ending was unexpected and interesting., almost scary or creepy.
    Josie Starr
    period 2

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