The wind howled splattering rain on the drowning houses. Lightning struck with a flash of light, and the roar of the thunder soon followed. An old newspaper flew through the air twisting and turning every whichway imaginable as the streets turned into rivers.
A single car drove down the flooded street suddenly coming to a halt. Two were inside. One said, “The engine just stopped.” At the finish of his words a thin drop of water trickled from the door, then two and three until it became a steady stream squeezing through the crack. As small puddles appeared on the floor one of the two began to scream,”I don’t want to die here, don’t let me die here.” In response the other yelled, “Shut up you!” But she continued sobbing out, “I don’t want die in this old car, I don’t want to die here!” Grabbing the handle of the door she pushed trying to free herself, and a sudden gush of water flung the door open. The girl undid her seatbelt and jumped out into the roaring waters leaving him behind.
The girl tried to swim to safety, but the current was too strong. She started screaming, “Help! Help me! Help!” but her words were unheard from the bustle of the waves. As she floated down the roads she came to an intersection and quickly grabbed hold of the first tangible object that glided against her fingers: a street light. She started crying. It was all over for her. She knew it would not be long until she couldn’t hold on anymore. Her heart began to race as her grip slowly weakened and her fingers slipped from the post.
As the heavy moving water tossed her about memories flashed through her head: the day her dad died, the day the town closed, when she met him who promised to take her back to find it. Her lungs burned, she pushed to the surface finding herself in an old waterway. Looking ahead she saw a ladder on the side. Using her last bit of energy, she pushed for the ladder and pulled herself out of the water. Free from the flood she laid on the ground and fell asleep. When she awoke the sun had came out of the clouds. She walked to the town searching for her house. Coming to the familiar frame she tried the door; it was unlocked. She opened the door finding him there. “Why didn’t you come back for me?” he said. “I thought you were dead back in the car.” He seemed calm, “Fine, let’s get it.” They walked through the old house until they found it against a wall in an empty room. It was an old chest. They opened the lid and it was all there, the things left behind: her doll and her mothers dress the things her family had lost when the poison dripped into the water source and all had to leave.
Find the shape and tell it!
The tension building up during the escape sequence was unnerving in the best way imaginable because you were able to execute such attention to detail that the scenario felt real, appealing to very real terrors like natural disasters and separation from loved ones. The perseverance of the characters after they had endured such harsh circumstances intensifies the satisfaction that the reader feels when they found what they were searching for. I was definitely on the edge of my seat.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was very suspenseful. As I was reading it and the story continued, I felt more nervous as I was scared of how the story would end. I could clearly picture the events of the story which contributed to enhancing the suspense. I could feel that I was there watching the events of the entry play out before my eyes. I just wanted to pull her out and save her myself! The sentence at the end about the poison was also very interesting. I feel that this is an issue that affects a lot of people in the country but one that not many people pay attention to. Water sources are being poisoned by chemicals and oils that are released by factories or by fracking and I think stories such as yours that show the effects of such occurrences help bring awareness to the situation.
ReplyDeleteDanielle Delgado
Period 1
2/3/2015
I like this story, it's very emotional. When I saw the title it reminded me of another thing I read about water, so I decided to read this story, and I have no regrets! My favorite part is when she cries for help, it makes the character feel very real.
ReplyDeleteThis story was extremely satisfying. The suspense throughout the story helped ease into the resolution of your story. I'm somewhat questioning of the ending, as I wonder who that man was or if he even really existed at all. All in all, this story is well written with a good and ambiguous story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a crazy story Eva! I really enjoyed the use of imagery from the beginning to the end. I could close my eyes and picture everything that was going on and it was intense! You did a great job in choosing your words and drawing me in to read more and more! I loved how suspenseful it was and the interesting ending. Overall, you did an amazing job and I would love to read more stories like this!
ReplyDeleteWow. Cool story. i enjoyed the imagery that you used in this story, very detailed! good job
ReplyDeleteEva, great job in telling your story through the use of imagery. I enjoyed every second of reading your piece because it was so suspenseful and riveting. I loved how you made the reader believe that she was going to die after she let go of the street light, but then allowed her to escape her death. The way you ended the piece was a bit surprising since the two characters quickly made up after the girl had just left the guy to die basically, but it was nice to see why they were put in that scenario in the first place. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Sophia Bobadilla P.1
I enjoyed the fact that the story felt real, everyone could picture themselves in that situation, being terrified and tired and surprised, that is what I liked most about your entry.
ReplyDelete- Zac Coaston period 5