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Monday, October 20, 2014
"The Attic" by Elianna G
One night Anne and Cody were left home alone while their parents were out with some co-workers for dinner and they wouldn’t be home till late that night. The kids thought it would be like any other night, but they were wrong. Little did they know that tonight would change their lives forever. While the two kids stood in the kitchen looking for something to eat they heard an odd noise coming from upstairs. It sounded as if a little girl was laughing. To Anne’s surprise Cody was already bounding for the stairs to investigate where the noise was coming from. When Anne reached her brother she found him staring wide eyed at the attic door. While he starred she heard the laughing again but louder this time and it was coming from the attic. She realized why her brother was staring at it. When she seen her brother reaching to pull down the attic stairs she snapped back to reality. “Cody what do you think you’re doing!” Anne exclaimed. “We can’t just ignore this Anne!” Cody yelled. Anne ignored him and let him pull the string to open the attic.
As soon as the attic door opened the stairs came down with a loud thud followed by a thick cloud of dust. This caused the kids go into a coughing fit. When the air was cleared up they heard something that made them cringe with fear and get chills all over their bodies. “Come play with me Anne” the little girl kept saying over and over again. Anne was beyond freaked out she was terrified, she wanted to pee in her pants and hide. Cody was as scared as his sister and even more scared for her. He decided to use whatever courage he had left and began climbing the creaking stairs towards the dusty attic as Anne followed behind.
When they reached the attic floor they looked everywhere to see if they could find the little girl that was making the sounds that frightened them terribly. The attic was filled with spiderwebs, dust, and things that haven't been used in ages. The unknown girl kept singing some kind of lullaby that the kids had never heard which caused the kids heart beats to beat faster. When Anne kept looking around frantically for something anything that would help them get rid of the calm voice of the mysterious girl, she came across a door that was very old and dusty. As she inspected the door it all of a sudden started shaking from being banged by something on the other side. "Anne help me!Please Anne I need your help there coming for me! There trying to take me away please Anne!" Anne was so scared she literally was shaking. She screamed out for Cody but there was no response. Again and again she screamed but again there was no answer. Suddenly the old door swung open and a little girl who looked awful covered in dirt and mud pulled Anne in without a struggle. "We've been waiting for you Anne, your gonna be MY new sister!"Anne was screaming to get out after the door shut she banged on the door and tried to pry it open but nothing worked. Anne realized that it was no use a crawled up in a corner and cried and cried until she no longer could. Cody never seen his sister Anne after that day he came down from the attic. It's been 17 long and sad years but he still searches the attic for her every day hoping to one day be reunited with his sister.
Great Job on your story and way to set the mood for Halloween!! it's was creepy and sentimental
ReplyDeleteI found that your story was very interesting. You are a great writer. Keep up the excellent work!
ReplyDeleteJobelle Dauz
Period 2
I thought your story was very interesting. You are a great writer, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteJobelle Dauz
Period 2
It's very descriptive and has a spooky feeling to it it kinda reminds me of the Ouija movie in a way.
ReplyDelete-Vymian San
This story is legitimately scary. You made good use of imagery and detail appealing to all senses to create a realistic and suspenseful story. It was easy for me to picture myself in the characters' shoes as they climbed up the stairs to investigate the calm yet terrifying voice that taunted them and invited them up into the attic. I could feel the same fear as the characters, and that is what made the story so genuinely frightening. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite story from the October writers, it was very suspenseful. I kept wondering what was going to happen. I'm sad that only Anne got taken away, and Cody was free. I wonder if she could still be alive up there. Personally I love spooky stories and this was a great one. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteKaleha Spencer
Period:4
11/4/14
I really enjoyed your story and it reminded me of a horror movie. You should make a part 2 on the story when he finds his sister. Great job on the story!
ReplyDeleteShayan Khan
Period 6
Love your story! It's very eerie and I love how you wrote your story ver descriptive.
ReplyDelete-Chiquitita Annisa
It seems you have found my Kryptonite. This story had my heart racing and peering over my shoulder every line. Strong imagery and descriptions really brought the entry to life and created much more than just a story. Cody should have just ignored the attic! Nice job on such a good story.
ReplyDeleteWow this is a crazy story but it is also perfect and I like the intensity in the story and all the description words but Good Job.
ReplyDelete-Kamau O
-P.2
Noah Martinez
ReplyDeleteperiod 2
This story was great and very interesting keep up the good work!!!
The story was quite captivating, especially the middle part. You create an adequate amount of tension when describing their investigation of the attic. However, in my personal opinion, the ending could use some work. It just does not have the same fear as the rest of the tale. Everything else is really well done.
ReplyDeleteAndy Reinschmidt
dang!!! This story was spooky. It gave me the chills I feel so bad for the brother who still cannot find her sister who is long lost forever. I think you did an amazing job and hope you do another one of these chill full stories.
ReplyDelete~Clarissa Rojas
period 2