I woke
up as usual, in my plain room, with its plain walls and my plain single bed. I
stood up and put on my plain clothes and plain shoes. I’m sure some say that a
life as plain as mine is boring, but I like it; I think its soothing. But
anyway, I proceeded to begin with my daily tasks. Brushing my hair is one of
the little things I enjoy doing. All the girls always compliment me on my long,
black hair; they say they’re envious of it. One girl even tried ripping it
directly off my head, I don’t know why she did that, everyone knows you can’t
take someone else’s hair. We’re not allowed to see each other anymore… But I
don’t like thinking about that, I like thinking about good things, like last
night. Last night was a good night for me. I knitted for five hours and I
didn’t even mess up once. I like knitting. For the past few days I’ve been
working on a scarf; I think it must be at least fifty feet long by now! My
Martha says someone named “Grandma” taught me how to knit, but I don’t remember
very much. Everyone here has a Martha, except my friend 00892B says her
Martha’s name is Lisa, which is weird. Martha says I have to be good or else
bad things will happen… At first, I didn’t believe her, but a long time ago,
when I first got here I think I was asking a lot of questions and Martha was
getting mad at me. She called someone and a man came and gave me this special
juice and put me in a special jacket.
But I don’t like thinking about that, I like thinking about good things
and even though my life is plain, I like it here. The screaming doesn’t bother
me anymore and I’m warming up to my new name, 98306A.
Find the shape and tell it!
I really enjoyed the imagery you used to describe the scene of a mental institute. This makes me think all of the things that go through a patients mind. It is very saddening that they are seen as just a crazy number in the mental facility.
ReplyDeleteDear Diana,
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed the progression of the story and how it ends. At first, the story seems a bit dull, but I was drawn in more and more and then you mentioned then name Martha. It had me thinking and towards the end I was able to realize that this person is crazy and is residing in an asylum. The factor that made me truly enjoy your story was how you were able to transition from thoughts of a normal person to a delusional person. Overall, great job! (:
Tedman Nguyen
Period: 1
I was reading this story and thought that the intro was really cute and then I continued reading and I read that her friend was referred to by a series of numbers, and then she talked about a "special jacket" and then I was like- okay, this story definitely not classified at "cute" anymore. I really liked this story Diana. The point of view of this story is genuinely unique, and I like it. I liked how you made the story's setting ambiguous in the beginning and left it to the reader's imagination, until they kept reading and realized that it is in fact not a teenage girl's daily routine, but a person with mental deficiencies. I really enjoyed reading this, great job.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story but didn't realize what was happening until the last couple sentences. At first, I was like "I put on plain clothes and plain shoes in my plain room too. Hair, I got that. Knitting, check. Plain life, yes, finally a story that's basically me everyday" but between all the normal things like brushing her hair and knitting, there were side comments like someone trying to take her hair or her "Martha" or how she doesn't remember her grandma that threw me off and it was REALLY effective because of her tone and how she remembers what has happened but she isn't truly aware of whats happening but she has learned to obey it anyways. This story has a Fahrenheit 451 feel as whatever higher power that is controlling her life is also trying to keep her ignorant and if she tries to figure it out, she's punished for it. Nicely done :)
ReplyDeleteDamairis Lao. Period 1
Wow, this story was very different, in a good way! When I read it, I noticed right away the descriptive and vivid imagery that you brought into the story. The story itself was really good and very interesting. I like how you ended the story and throughout the story you gave background into the main character herself. Your story was great and very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!
i really enjoyed this story. There was alot of imagery. And very descripted about the characters in the story. Good job !
ReplyDeleteIzabel linn
Period 6
11/04/14
I really like this story. The first couple of sentences remind me of how I feel when I wake up for school, except for the "I like it" part, cause I don’t like getting up for school lol. This story was interesting though, towards the middle I was confused. The name Martha kind of threw me off. I was like "wait, who's Martha?" Towards the end I began to understand it, I really like how you didn’t let us know what was going on right away. I thought that was a great touch to the story. It gave the reader a chance to question what was going on, and kind of foreshadow the events to come. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteKaleha Spencer
Period:4
11/4/14
I didn't realize how a simple, short entry could turn into something way more than that! Your story had another depth of meaning to it, and I enjoyed reading it at that interpretive level. In the beginning, I thought it was going to be about someone living an ordinary life within our society, but as the story progressed, I realized that this story was about someone who was living in a mental institution. The way this story described the everyday aspects of life as a fragment of the speaker's past was really intriguing. I love the classification at the end by a serial number to show how these individuals have lost the aspect of their life and have been rendered just to another code. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteSimran Bajwa
Period 1
I really enjoyed your story. I liked how the story progressed and as it did so, you slowly could see the shift in meaning. As I began reading, I thought to myself “it’s just another boring teenage story” but you proved me wrong by sneakily bringing the transition of the entire story slowly but surely until it hit me. After I realized you were referring to a mentally ill patient, or lack thereof in that position, many possibilities arose in my head. I thoroughly enjoyed your thought provoking story and how you chose to compose it. -Nate Shepard p.1
ReplyDeleteAwesome story! I loved the twist it had halfway through. The imagery really played a big part in describing the character's situation and how distorted her sense of reality is. Overall, I thought it was a great story and it was once of the most interesting I have ever read on the blog. Great job!
ReplyDeleteIsabelle Huynh
Per.1
I like how the imagery contributed to the plot twist. At first I thought this story was a little "plain," but you proved me wrong and went the exact opposite way. Good job.
ReplyDeleteWhen you first start reading the story it seems like a casual telling of the daily life of a girl, but as you continue reading the story the small hints allude to the idea that she is in an asylum. But I loved the happy bubbly tone used because it shows how the speaker, though she may understand what is happening, does not want to admit to it or focus on it. GOOD JOB!
ReplyDeleteEva Badal
Per. 1
Interesting story Diana! You really pulled me in, curious to find out what was so "Plain". At first I assumed it was a story about a simple and ordinary girl but as soon as you mentioned the hair pulling I got confused and wanted to read more but things actually got worse as I read the coded names and the name Martha. After rereading the strange events "98306A" explained, I realized the her positive attitude and innocence all made sense as to where she was and what she was doing. Overall, I was blown away to find out the reality of all of this, great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! The story was really great and "98306A" is explaining how she's in an asylum doing the same thing every day.
ReplyDeleteAngel Gonzalez
p2
This story was so funny. At first I didn't understand about her life but then I realized she got put in a mental institute and she did the same things everyday.
ReplyDeletethis was a really interesting story. I like how it started off casually and at first I wasn't entirely sure where the story was going but once I got to the code names and special jacket I was blown away. great job!
ReplyDeleteSara Arredondo
per 4
At first I wanted to relate to this character because her descriptions sounded vaguely like my own, but then as she went on I realized that I don't relate her at all! that was some plot twist! Just how simple she talked about life, as if nothing was wrong is creepy, BUT it also took my full attention and made me keep reading until the end. I really liked this story and how nonchalant the whole idea of being institutionalized is. I'm not saying she is insane, but man you really captured the definition of insanity with this one.
ReplyDelete-Katelynn Gutierrez p.4
I really liked the overall message of the story. To be honest with you, I had to read it couple times to really get it, but I got it now so we're good. I think that this really conveys that if you put up with something for so long, no matter how horrible, you eventually will get used to it and become sort of numb. Hopefully I interpreted it right, but good job!
ReplyDeleteAnthony Hurd
Period 4
The way that you twisted the story at the end caused me to reread the story several times over. I enjoyed the repetitiveness of "plain" throughout the story, it gave a unique style to the whole piece.
ReplyDeleteThe turn of events that occurred in this piece is astonishing. I loved it. At first it sounded like a teenager who just flew under the radar but by the end it was all put into perspective, perfectly. Great Job!
ReplyDeletethis was and interesting "plain" story it was quit entertaining . I like how it went from confusing to clear in a few lines, the style of the piece is creative and well thought out . but simple good job
ReplyDeletePlain? I think not! I really enjoyed the plot twist that you added! When I first began reading the story I was thinking it was kind of weird because of how "plain" this girl's life was and how okay she was with it. Everyone has those boring moments but always need to have a real good time to have fun. The way how the girl does not want to talk about the bad things that have happened and how when she started questioning things and got special things to restrain her was very intriguing. Once I read the twist, I wanted there to be more! Great piece of work and great job drawing your readers' attention at the end.
ReplyDeleteIdalys Martinez
Period 1
The style of your writing is perfect for this piece simply because it was written short sweet and to the point. Also the plot twist at the end made me have to look back and understand the beginning. The fact that the character went from normal to creepy made the story. Great job and keep at those plot twists
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting, in a good way. I really liked how you started the story it had me hooked. I liked your style of writing it's unique. Good job.
ReplyDelete~ Hallie Deeds
period 2
What a beautiful use of perspective! The diction forced me to assume that this was just some angst-y teenager who thought of his/her life as "plain." But the positive attitude had me thinking otherwise. This was the type of story that I had to read and reread multiple time to squeeze out all the wonderful allusions and secrets in it. You are definitely an author that I would enjoy reading from again.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, it really made me think and see the story. It was very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteTommy McDonnell
There was a very futuristic plot in the story which is what I love! Great imagery and great job!
ReplyDeleteDiana, your description of the surroundings and daily tasks being "plain" created a circumstance that the audience can relate to. The subtle hints of abnormality and insanity that begin with the introduction of Martha that spirals into the realization of the speaker being a patient in a mental institution creates a dynamic shift in tone from melancholy to disoriented. Very twisted, I love it! lol
ReplyDeleteDiana, great job in using ethos to show the reader the speaker's perspective in thinking that her life is "plain." With the diction you used, I at first assumed that the speaker was just some emo kid who hated everything. However, when you began describing the speaker's situation and how she "doesn't want to talk about the bad things" it made me realize how crazy this person actually is. The word "plain" was very deceiving due to the fact that the speaker's scenario is not plain at all. I assume that the speaker is in an insane asylum due to her lack of memory of her family like her grandma. This story was really great in describing everybody's idea of a normal and plain life. While our lives may seem average to us, to someone like the speaker our lives may be seen just as crazy as hers is to us.
ReplyDelete-Sophia Bobadilla P.1
Diana,
ReplyDeleteInitially I believed that this story focuses on the life of an average teenage girl according to society's standards and that "Martha" was a misspelled variation of "mother." But you somehow managed to shift reality without even changing the major tone of repressing emotions and expression by being "plain." You really caught me off guard when you mentioned the special juice and jacket, and that made me wonder about what or who our Martha's could be if everyone had one. Personally, I think our Martha's are those who set the standards that we must follow and should we break off we'll be "corrected" and "punished" in accordance to their will. I hope I'm not too far off on this one. :)
-Gian Velasquez
P.1
11/6/14
This was a interesting story. It had me imagine if it was in the future. Overall it was a good piece and very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteper.2
I don't know why but I pictured this story in a post-apocalyptic world like in the movie "Equilibrium" where there was one way of life and everyone had to follow that lifestyle. To me this story had that feel and kind of approached this idea that society restrains us from our flaws and differences, when diversity balances the social infrastructure.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but I pictured this story in a post-apocalyptic world like in the movie "Equilibrium" where there was one way of life and everyone had to follow that lifestyle. To me this story had that feel and kind of approached this idea that society restrains us from our flaws and differences, when diversity balances the social infrastructure.
ReplyDeleteDiana, great job on hooking your readers. I love how as one gets further into your story, the sense of foreboding becomes increasingly stronger. This was done by using imagery with serenity initially and then moving on to implement eerie factors into your story. I love the fact that this story goes so far beyond a story of one living in a mental asylum. Oddly, when I first read your story I thought that I was reading about some future "utopian" society where everyone was characterized by a number and was taught to mindlessly obey all commands, particularly in schools. This story also relates to current society, where contradicting societal expectations usually gives one a life full of rejection, and compels them to adhere to these values that the people around them have.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece. My favorite part was the twist at the end. After reading it once, I fully recognized the setting so I read it again and I loved it even more. Great use of imagery!
ReplyDeleteHaylie Duncan
Per 4
At first I thought that this was going to have some message about our usual lives and how none of us think to go outside the box but I was wrong. I was not expecting an insane asylum at all but it was a good twist. It was short but it was very well done. The short concise statements depict the lack of sanity. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteWow! That seemed like the script for a commercial for the next big sci-fi movie! you could really write an amazing novel if you continued to build upon that premise.
ReplyDeleteNehemiah Barnett
Wow! I really loved this piece! It was so.... dystopian society, 1984 kind of writing. I really loved the way you drew the reader in from the very first few entrances. I also loved your choice of such simplistic diction, because it just reemphasizes the point of being "plain". Congratulations on a very interesting, original piece! I'm super duper impressed.
ReplyDeleteChloe Miller P5
Allow me to say that this piece really surprised me! The fact that her life is plain and you used simple diction really emphasized how plain her life really is. I never expected her to be in an insane asylum because of how sane she sounds throughout the story. It was a really nice shift. You are a very talented writer! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like the title and how you used the title as word to describe everything and how you described your hair by using imagery. Also a good twist. Good Job!!!!
ReplyDelete-Period 6
-Luis Toro
Once again a very well rounded story that has great use of imagery and very descriptive. I loved everything about this story, through the progression of this story your imagery was outstanding, I pictured every discription Great job!
ReplyDeletei liked your story and i liked how your title explained everything and i loved the use of imagery in your writing
ReplyDeleteI guess my comment didnt post earlier but I really enjoyed your piece. At first i thought it was some normal story about a depressed teen. However as soon as i got to the end, i wanted more. Your idea was genius. I love how you used diction to imply the girl's situation but never really stated word by word her situation. Overall a great piece.
ReplyDelete- Angel Ramirez
Period 1
Diana, you took the story in a completely different direction than originally thought it was going in and it was brilliant. After reading the ending and realizing the actual setting, the beginning made much more sense and it tied in together nicely. You took such a creative perspective on describing a girl in a mental hospital by misleading the readers to believe she is a normal everyday teen.
ReplyDeleteWhat drew me to your writing was the first sentence. That was a great hook for me but the story could have kept getting better. I kind of expected the implication of being in a mental institution though I was surprised that she was so placid about her life. The detail of her every day life made me feel sorry and understanding for her because she is always kept in the same loop of similar activities and nothing ever really changes. Great story!
ReplyDelete- Frederick Sagoe
You were always a wonderful writer, Diana. This was so well constructed and meticulously thought out- it took an almost cliche idea of teenage desolation and suicide and reformed it. It gives true meaning to numbness experienced after dramatic climax in an individual life, and epitomizes the numbness society creates. This piece is the informal neoprene gloves, the cold steel bedside trays, and the choking scent of CaviWipes, and the passive acceptance of the blank state of being we humans experience. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, great job.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good imagery!!! It's so surprising how it's so plain to characters in the story but different in the real world. Keep it up.
ReplyDelete- Daisy Fuentes
Per. 2
Woah this story is really interesting! It like had me thinking in the end i really enjoyed this! So is she like an alien that like lives on a diffrent planet? I loved this story because its short but is still an attention grabber and you used great imagery because when you said about being stuffed into the jacket i like saw it in my head! Great job on making it short and still being really creative with it!
ReplyDeleteDiana, I loved this piece! I think the imagery and diction you used was perfect! I was able to let my mind wander as i tried to comprehend the use of numbers as names. You did a great job taking your story into another era. I also loved that you weren't scared to use short sentences. Sentence variety is great. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLeasia Spicer
Period 4
Wow, to say that I didn't expect the last line would be an understatement. I think what was most interesting about the piece was the fact that the audience feels that they are able to relate to the speaker. As the story progresses the gap between the speaker and the reader becomes wider and the reader discovers that the speaker isn't so plain. Thank you for sharing your work I enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete-Adan Chavez