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Monday, May 5, 2014

"The Great Journey " by Elvis D



      Our story begins in the city of north Fontana in the Hunter’s Ridge community. Our hero Elvis Diolosa has just arrived in his new home. Little does he know that this house is where his greatest journey will begin. His great journey started exactly 2 years ago. Elvis was a normal child in 8th grade studying hard to keep his grades up, though to no avail. It is the morning of a chilly October day and it is the day that Elvis will never forget. As it was a normal morning for our hero decided to walk about the school campus being himself, talking to friends and having fun on his own. He always wondered what life would be like in an alternate universe. He often thought these ideas were nothing but boredom telling him nonsense. All of that changed the day he saw “It”. A rip in the fabric in reality, but that was impossible he thought it would take an insane amount of energy that would never be reached in his world. His curiosity got the better of him and he ran closer to investigate. Before he could tell his friends what he saw it pulled him in and flung him across time and space never to see his own home ever again. When he awoke he found himself in a strange land that he had never seen of or heard before. Lost and confused, he wandered around to try to find a town. Soon he found a small town that looked similar to his home town of Hunter’s Ridge. He wandered the streets of the town desperate for answers to his questions. Eventually he found what looked like his house on the same street it always was but something was different No one there knew him, though in his town he was very recognizable. He walked up to the door and put his house key into the lock and slowly twisted it. The door opened. “Hello?” he shouted “Mom? Dad? Are you here?” Then a little girl’s voice answered him “Daddy is that you?” He stopped and thought. “Daddy? I don’t have any kids let alone a wife. Just where am I?” Before he could respond the little girl ran up to him “Daddy your back.” “Back?” he thought “Were did I go?”  The little girl gave him a hug and said “Your finally back from your trip.”  “I am?” he asked.  “Yeah” she replied “you said you were studying something to do with space holes.” Just as she finished that world’s version of him walked through the door. “Hey” said his older looking self “You look familiar.” “Wait you must be me from a different timeline” “you have to get you home, here take this watch it will let you hop worlds eventually you will get home and just so you know this is the future if you get home. ” And so our young hero’s journey to get home had begun.

22 comments:

  1. Wow, this was an interesting plotline. I liked the way the main character had an opportunity to meat his future self face-to-face. I feel like I would have freaked out if I were in his situation though. Nice job!
    -Christina Tapia

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  2. wow thats a cool story so he traveled to his future?well anyways great job i like how you made it very detailed
    _ariana jimenez

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  3. What an interesting topic to write about. I have always enjoyed the idea of time travel and would love to be able travel to my future. It's crazy that Elvis has to go on this long journey just to get back to normal time but it's also quite cool. Also it was creative to have the rip in the fabric of reality essentially be the form of travel to the future as well as, a watch that let's you hop worlds. Good job.

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  4. Your story actually made me think of "The Time Traveler's Wife" for some reason lol. I like how you used Fontana so we can relate to imagining what the future of Hunter's Ridge would look like. Great job.

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  5. Wow, this makes you think about how your future will be with a family and if you had to chance to change it in anyway would you leave it be or make a difference. Really deep and nice story.

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  6. I liked how you referred to the thing that pulled Elvis away as "It". This ambiguous title made me start to speculate what this thing could be; a kidnapper, a disaster, a monster? One of the things that always fascinates our society is the future. It is this scary unknown place where anything can be lurking. It would be cool if we could really travel into the future and meet oneself.

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  7. Cool! I really loved the story! It is very interesting to think about, and I loved how you had a great use of imagery to properly portray the idea of time travel and alternate universes and portals to different dimensions. Nice job!

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  8. I really liked the story, and it makes you start to think about your future and your future family, great use of imagery to portray the time travel.
    -Adrian Andres

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  9. That story was really cool! It wasn't something that I was expecting but I loved it and I liked that the character got to see a glimpse into his future which I think that we wish we all could do at some pint in our lives. Fantastic job!
    Rachael Rubalcava

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  10. This was a creative piece. I loved your diction in this piece. I have no idea why, but I really like the use of the phrase, “rip in the fabric in reality.” To me, it somehow relates back to the idea of an alternate universe because reality is being distorted. In this piece, I did notice an error for the word “where,” but I knew that was simply a typo. There were a few more minor errors, but they did not hurt your piece from telling a good story. Overall, this piece was an interesting read!

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  11. Good job! I enjoyed reading your story. His journey was interesting on how he went into the future.

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  12. This was very interesting and imaginative. I think it is funny that his older self remained so calm upon meeting his younger self and just casually tells him that he witnessed the future. Maybe its just me. Great job Elvis.
    - Justin Myers

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  13. Your story was very unique made me think about time traveling.
    Devin Jennings
    p.2

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  14. This was such a fun story! It reminds me of the movie "Meet the Robinsons". It was a great twist to find that instead of going to an alternate universe where everything was backward he was able to go to the future and see what his life would be like. The ending made me wish there was more to the story because we learn he has to jump worlds and hopefully lad in his home at some point. A story about his adventures in each world would be so awesome! Nice Job!

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  15. Great story. The writing style kept the story fast-paced and actiony sort of. The dialogue is sort of confusing at first but overall the story was well done.

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  16. Interesting piece. The piece king of feels like a prologue to a major story; I would really like to see how the rest of the story continued on after he began his journey back to his time zone. The daughter seemed adorable your character was cool too! I like the use of narration as well! All in all, great job!

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  17. good story, i hope Elvis got home and is safe.

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  18. haha iliked how you just said that hunter hidge i like this sory and like i was thinking about the future for minutes

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  19. haha iliked how you just said that hunter hidge i like this sory and like i was thinking about the future for minutes /jakob cadena

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  20. Good story lets pray that Elvis will get home and safe. cant wait to read more
    Kyle Baker
    Period 6

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  21. This story is amazing although yess I know would like to hear about the rest of the story so please write a part 2.
    Clarissa Rojas
    Period 2

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  22. If anyone is interested I'll be re-writing this piece into a short story

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