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Monday, May 5, 2014

"Holding Her Heart in my Webbed Hands" by Jack M


                  I pushed the saloon doors open with my amphibi-hands and walked up to the soda jerk. Flying across the galaxy works up a thirst somethin’ fierce, and this frog certainly was thirsty. Everyone on my home planet of Swampiter told me I’d never find TRUE love if I stuck around home. So I packed my things and decided to study abroad on the planet of Hesperis. “Maybe you’ll meet a nice frog and settle down and have a bunch of little tadpoles!” my mother said. Psh! Who would want a frog like me? I thought that I could never be loved like in those romantic movies like, “Lillypad of Love” or “Hopeful Hopping Heart.” They were just fantasy and I had no idea what was about to hit me like a pickup-truck going 80 miles per hour, in a 30 miles per hour zone.
                  I ordered a Sarsaparilla because I’d never tried one. It was okay. But then I saw her! And my sarsaparilla poured down my front as I stared slack-jawed at this emerald beauty. How in the world had I managed to find another frog half-way across the universe? I had no logical explanation. I wasn’t thinking clearly. My heart-rate increased and my tongue rolled out of my mouth across the floor. She noticed my reaction and gave me a shy battering of her eyelashes. I was hooked. OW!!! That’s when Fluff the Porcupine stepped on my tongue and started harassing her. She hadn’t been in the joint five minutes and he was already trying to convince her he was a millionaire. The only “million” thing about him was his breath, which no doubt was one in a million. A hundred thousand dirty pigs couldn’t have recreated such a stink. As her eyes started to burn, I made my move.
                  “Looky here you walking-cactus! This nice young lady just wants to enjoy a cold soda in peace. Why don’t you leave her alone?” Famous last words, I guess. Next thing I know, I see Fluff pull his fist back and I’m just wondering what he’s gonna do when all of a sudden I—
                  By the time I came to, I could just barely see out of my swollen eye that Fluff was picking his own spikes out of his bottom with an ice pack on his mouth. Then I looked up and I thought I must have died and gone to heaven or something because there was just the most beautiful green face looking back at me. As it turned out, she had a black belt in self-defense. “Are you alright? I think it was very kind of you to do what you did.” “You didn’t need my help.” I answered sheepishly. “Of course I did! You distracted him didn’t you? You know we make a pretty good team if you ask me.” She said with a smile.
We got married eight months later on a beautiful beach on Swampiter. And that is how your Grandma Arlene and I first met. Now go do your chores you crazy little tadpoles!

43 comments:

  1. Jack, I loved this story!! The ending was so stinking cute that I couldn't help smiling. Your humor was riddled all throughout it and had me laughing from start to finish. Great job!
    -Christina Tapia

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  2. Jack your creativity and innovation never ceases to surprise me. This was such a cute piece and l loved that the main characters were frogs. The part about the romantic movies and the porcupine's breath were really funny. I enjoyed the lighthearted tone and how great your story flowed together. Very well written and great job.

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  3. Jack this story was incredibly clever and bizarre, and I absolutely loved it. Your use of characterization and descriptive details really sold the piece. I can definitely image a silly space show featuring frog aliens travelling the galaxy. Good job! -Emily Wilt per 1

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  4. Jack, this was very funny and I had a good time reading it. I liked your word play with "amphibi-hands" instead of amphibians as well as the diction and imagery you used.

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  5. Jack, I really liked your story!! I automatically got hooked and read through it without distraction. I find it interesting that you used Frogs in this piece. It was very creative and amusing. I liked the part when the Frog found out that the beautiful lady had a black belt in self-defense and that she gave Fluff a taste of his own medicine. Your piece was fun to read and it definitely put a smile on my face. With all the stress and cramming going on for tests this week, it feels great to have a laugh. Good job!!

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  6. I had a very nice time reading this piece. It was quite the comedic story, especially with the use of frogs as characters. Also the unexpected section about the female frog being skilled in black- defense added to the humor in the story. I think my favorite part, however, is when you go on about how repulsive Fluff's breath is. The repetition of the fact is what I find most hilarious. This reminded me a bit of the sitcom that recently ended "How I Met Your Mother", mostly because of the last part of the story where it's revealed that the main frog in the story is speaking to his grandchildren. Good job!

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  7. I thought your stort was very cute :) i always like a good female character who can kick some butt too! I thought this piece was creative andthe diction you used definatelt helped your characters come to life. Nice!

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  8. Jack, this is so good! I really love the humor you used and it was able to show a side of your personality that we have all come to know very well! I really like the ending, and the whole story put a smile on my face :) Great job!!

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  9. Christofer guerreroMay 12, 2014 at 5:05 PM

    Nice story Jack. This story entertained me, and I also found comedy and romance to be a key in this story. Great Job!

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  10. Your piece is such a fun little story! I love how all of your characters were animals and was placed in an animal kingdom world where they could all talk. It was all very humorous and made me laugh. Good Job!

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  11. Jack, this story was so cute, but made me chuckle as well. Your creativity is amazing and i totally wish i had even just an ounce of it. Great job with your piece.

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  12. I seriously loved this! It was such a cute story and made me laugh as well. The best part is that you guys were all animals instead of humans. This was a great piece for our last blog. Good job!

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  13. This story was adorably great and the imagery and descriptive language of the story was just a bonus! I loved the way you presented the characters of the story and the plotline is incredibly creative. I also enjoyed the humor of the story. Great job Jack!

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  14. My goodness, I just got in trouble for laughing too loud at this hour. This was so cute, Jack. I wish that one day, I will be able to tell my little tadpoles about how my "hubby" and I met. Sorry that you can't compare to the REAL "Lily pad of love", but I'm sure this was pretty heartwarming too. I really liked that you used frogs instead of humans though. It really contrasts between the idealized human and the stereotype that frogs are ugly green things. Great job Jack-o!

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  15. Space Frog Cowboy finds love...... interesting. Well jack you sure know how to come up with an original concept, and i do comment you on keeping it somewhat grounded and not too fantastical as it could have been. You're a good sci-fi writer Jack, i wouldnt hesitate to buy a book from you someday!
    -Arturo Ayala

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  16. I love this! This is a very cute story, made me laugh with the dialogue. It was very sweet and interesting. Good Job!

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  17. This was a great entry to our blog. You are great at making us laugh and your personality really shine through this blog entry. The use of whimsical fiction such as naming the porcupine Fluff and oxymorons like "the most beautiful green face I'd ever seen" really set the scene and allowed the reader to imaging there setting vividly. Great job Jack!

    Joel Guzman

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  18. Jack, this was a really funny story! I like the way you incorporated your creativity in this blog. This story was very entertaining, and I'd reread it more than once!
    -Yamen Mubarka

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  19. Great plot! I really enjoyed this entry it was funny and creative.
    -Sabrina Rondero
    Per.5

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  20. That twist though. Quite an imagination you have there buddy. A whole new world.
    -Kevin McCondichie

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  21. Jack this story was too cute! I loved the little twist at the end and the ever so simple love story. This story was great and very creative with all of the naming. Good Job!

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  22. Oh my goodness Jack this was a fantastic piece! I thought it was the cutest thing and very imaginative and funny! I loved the use of animals (and amphibians) that you incorporated into the story all around great piece! Phenomonal job!
    Rachael Rubalcava

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  23. Well Jack, I must admit that I have yet to come across a story like this! I think your piece was not only heartwarming, but also creative. Your embedded humor could not be missed with your use clever alliterations, sarcasm, exaggeration and puns. I definitely enjoyed your funny, and yet totally adorable piece!

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  24. This is really cute. I like the whole other universe/dimension/planet/world thing you have going on here. Is it appropriate to call this science fiction? No, I don't think so. Because these kinds of interactions between amphibians and mammals do, in fact, exist on this planet, they are happening as people read this. You've opened up a new world to some people. I just feel bad that the narrator frog never got to drink a Sarsaparilla. This is a nice, entertaining, short story. Nice job!

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  25. Jack your story was so incredibly comical and entertaining! I really enjoyed your use imagery and how you created a real life situation in the perspective of a frog. It was very adorable and well written. Great job!

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  26. This is such a cute and comical flash fiction! I loved the insight you were able to give into what the character was thinking, it really helped to add complexity into the piece. The imagery and diction also added to a personal writing style and it was very pleasant to read!

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  27. Jack, your story was hilarious and incredibly well written and original! The ending has smiling so much, it was a really great way to end the story!

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  28. Well done. I really liked the voice that the speaker had. When reading this story I immediately began to talk in a bit of an accent. The imagery was very good as well and kept me drawn into the story.

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  29. Very cute romance story love how you change the traditional love story to a more sci-fi one very unique Great Job! -Haley Brown

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  30. Jack! This story was absolutely adorable! Great job with attention to detail! The little western touches you added made the setting easy to picture and the name swampiter for a planet was a great add in considering your characters were frogs, which was really creative by the way! The diction in this was great and I found myself laugh at a couple places in the story. I also liked that the girl frog ended up beating up the "villain" of the story and then told the main character that they made a great team. I thought it was absolutely adorable that she was what he opened his eyes to as well. Oh and can I just say that the fact that the frog was a grandpa telling his grandchildren how he met their grandma made the ending 10 times better?! Awesome job!

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  31. This was a great story. I liked all the frog references throughout the whole thing. It was well written from start to finish and was a pleasure to read. Well done my good sir, well done.

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  32. Well written and very creative. The imagery was descriptive and the story line kept me intrigued throughout the short story. good job.
    -Cody Molla p. 4

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  33. I love how creative this story is! I know I definitely wouldn't have thought to make a frog love story but I loved this one! I could see this as a whole children's book because the setting was so vivid and it was an animal love story which is adorable! You had a great use of imagery and detail. Great Job!
    -Bailey Lynch

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  34. Can I just say, you are the only person I've ever met who is genuinely hilarious. You know how to tell a story, not only with your acting, which I was lucky enough to witness for the first time freshman year, but apparently with your words too. This piece was very entertaining and creative. It was totally adorable. This was a very well written, highly detailed, descriptive in imagery story. Amazing job! :)

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  35. Very cute story Jack! I liked the fact that you used animals instead of humans and the use of a flashback story. The imagery was really good, the voice of the frog was good, too. While reading this, I got the impression that this would be like one of those cartoon meetings where the tongue rolls out of their mouth and their heart thuds through their chest. Again, it was really cute, and I had a lot of fun reading it! Great job!

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  36. Jack this piece is romantic as well as humorous. I thought it was clever how you use alliteration in the start with, "Lillypad of love" and "Hopeful hopping hearts." I thought it was a clever paradox using the name Fluff for the porcupine. It was so cute though how you gave it that romance touch when you talk about how the speakers tongue rolls out of his mouth almost like a cartoon. Great job!

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  37. I loved your story. iut was extremely creative and funny. Overall, you did a great job in creating a humerous tone and entire story was well written and filled with details. Awesome job

    -Marcopolo Anzora

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  38. This story is very creative and funny Jack. The idea of a personified blog with animals brings an unique twist to the entire story as well as variety to the whole blog website. Not to mention, the frog love story is romantic. I always wondered why frogs were adorable in fiction yet so hideous in reality.

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  39. JACK THIS IS SO ADORABLE!!! I can't handle how cute this was.. Very original to tell a classic love story... from frog's perspective! I loved how it wasn't the knight in shining armor that saved the damsel in distress but rather the damsel saving the prince!

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  40. This story was pretty cute. The titles of the made up movies were really creative and gave me a good laugh. Nice job.
    - Oscar Salazar

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  41. the story was good jack. i loved how you made up those movie titles it made me laugh a little. butt i liked how creative you were and made up your own planets and own race and so on.

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  42. This was a very cute story. I like reading t because it was about a frog's love life and no one else has done that before. Random, comedic lines like "I ordered a sarsaparilla because I never tried one" made me laugh. Great job!
    -Alexandra Aguilar
    p.1

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  43. Hahaha I really liked this story! It is really well thought out and imaginative. I like how instead of people you used frogs as the main characters in an intergalactic science fiction. I also like how you alluded to romantic frog movies (which I'm sure don't really exist haha). It added to the quirkiness of the story which is really awesome. This represents a unique and interesting version of a normally cliche love story. Good job!

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