"I Lost All My Precious Wisdom" by Randy G

Based on true events that might have been slightly altered. Reader discretion is advised.       

          The day after finals I had the most memorable experience of my life. It was full of reassurance, diligent work, and care that quickly over stood its welcome, if it even had a welcome. I was looking forward to break, sleeping in and becoming increasingly lazy as days went on. Unfortunately, I was told about a week before that I was going to get, wait for it.....*dramatic music in the background,* all FOUR of my wisdom teeth pulled. Yes, you heard correctly, all four. Said to be “the most painful thing in existence, next to giving birth,” I knew I was living the dream.

       On the morning of December 20, I woke up like any other day, which involved me making my way to the kitchen. I knew beforehand that I would have to rely on smoothies and soft foods to replace my regular diet after the surgery. Surprisingly, my breakfast was meager in scale, consisting of eggs and potatoes which was enough to fill me up that morning. I guess the thought of having my teeth yanked and mouth drenched in blood was more than enough to keep my appetite in check. Before my departure to see my dentist, who was located in L.A., I grabbed a book and my iPod believing I was going to need them for the long ride there and back. 

On the drive there, I was looking at my available options to keep me busy during the drive and I immediately put aside the book. Didn’t even bother touching it after that. In fact, it laid in my mom’s car for another two days. Anyway, my only and obvious option was my iPod. It was enough to keep me occupied for roughly 45 minutes, until I got to the dentist. It had been quite a while since I’ve visited my dentist, going only twice a year on average.

My dentist’s office was located in a tall building covered in glass with a red “Smart and Final” sign at the top of it. First off, let me start with how horrendous the traffic was in the parking lot. It took a good amount of time to find a parking spot, asking from my rear window whether the strangers were leaving or not. The reason it was so congested was because it was located next to an outside shopping center. In the end, we ended up parking far away from the building. When I come to think of it, it was so far that the walk to the dentist was even more painful than the actual procedure.

The day before the surgery, I began searching for post recovery recommendations and the amount of time it would take until I was going to be able to eat regularly. What I uncovered was that it would have to take about a whole week until I was going to be able to go back to my regular eating habits. This was a tremendous problem because I generally tend to eat a lot. We’ll see how it goes, but for now, let’s continue with where I left off.

As we enter the doors to the office, we were greeted and ordered to sign in. It didn’t take much until I was called in to start the procedure. The assistant told me kindly to take a seat and that they would be with me “quite shortly.” The biggest lie you will ever hear. Whether it’s a doctor visit, dentist visit, or phone call to AT&T asking about your internet connection. It took about 10 minutes until they were ready to begin the procedure. What even took longer was the procedure itself. It began with injecting anesthesia about a million of times until my gums felt completely numb. My top wisdom teeth were the easiest of the bunch to yank off and didn’t require much work. On the other hand, my bottom wisdom teeth were putting up a fight. They just wouldn’t come out and it required a bit of effort from my dentist. Eventually it was all over, clocking in at around an hour. Contrary to my beliefs, it wasn’t as painful as I suspected. The real discomfort however, came from having my mouth open for too long. Having thanked my dentist and the employees, I made my way out with increasing discomfort all the way to the car.