what am I doing, where am I going. Why do I ask
myself this every day, why is this question always flowing; its tiring. Every day
passes and I’m growing but I am lost and have no aspirations showing what am I
doing where am I going! Where are my goals and what is my future I used to be
so proud of knowing but I am undergoing such a peculiar shift in the endeavors
of life I was once foregoing! I am slowing what am I doing where am I going! I’m
plateauing and groaning as I am bestowing this tragic loss of overthrowing my troubles
what am I doing where am I— Here we go yo, here we go yo, so what’s so what’s
so what’s the scenario! -- “but why did music just pop into
my head?”
well stop drop shut ‘em down open up shop I
remember what the heck my life is about! I love being in school I would never
drop out! Marching band keeps me straight without a doubt! This is my snap back to a proper mentality;
50 shades of practicality! I guess it takes the marching bandz a makin’ her
dance to get rid of that other lurking personality because I’m winning! My
future is bright and my fears are gone because this is just the beginning oh
man I’m grinning! Is the room spinning! Have I been rapping?! Who am I and
where am I goiNG WHO CARES BECAUSE I AM SOARING!
*checks time*
*3:47a.m.
Wow this is such an interesting piece and enjoyed every bit of it. The rhyming was great and all the randomness really kept my interest. I also found your piece humorous and I always appreciate a laugh. I think some people can actually relate to this stream of consciousness. Good job.
ReplyDeleteSerena, I literally felt like I was inside your head. The sudden interruptions to your train of thought reminded me of how easily our minds jump from topic to topic. I found your use of rhyming quite interesting; it seemed to animate the piece and emphasized your transition from a pessimistic outlook to one of optimism Way to go!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
This made me laugh the first time I read it! I can definitely relate to such an odd stream of consciousness especially in the wee hours of the morning when my mind is in a delusional state. I would have wished for more of a background (what were you doing, where are you etc.,), but I still enjoyed your piece, I don't understand how you are pondering the abstract, then again, this is not easy to categorize!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness Serena this is great. Granted it's strange, but great all the same. Now we know that a rap battle narrating your daily life occurs inside your head. I'm jealous. Anyways, I loved the twist at the end. I think we have all had our fair share of crazy thoughts at 3:47 am. Incredible example of stream of consciousness, and I enjoyed the piece. -Emily Wilt per 1
ReplyDeleteYou know sometimes i ask those same questions, and just like the post i remember whats going on. This was really really good :D. Good job.
ReplyDelete-Alexandra Urena
This is funny because this is exactly what I do every single night which is why I'm always so tired haha. I liked the way that you ended it because it was so abrupt and its like you feel asleep (i mean it is 3:47). good job though! nice rapping also haha you should put it on itunes!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the thought behind your piece and how you went about exploring it. Overall, you did a great job in describing the emotion behind it, but a few of the sentences were confusing and began to run on.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the thought behind your piece and how you went about exploring it. Overall you did a great job but a few of the sentences were confusing and began to run together.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the thought behind your piece and how you went about exploring it. Overall, you did a great job in describing the emotion behind it, but a few of the sentences were confusing and began to run on.
ReplyDeleteThis shows your personality, which is great, because you're expressing yourself through your literature. I enjoyed the phyming and rapping in this story, it made it enjoyable. And the end made me laugh as well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteJose Mancillas
Wow, nice job Serena. This stream of consciousness really reminded me of those scenes in movies when the genius is going through a difficult time and one nigh he/she has a "jumble" of ideas and finally figures out how to finish his duty or job. Also I have never had a stream of consciousness this abstract but I was still able to understand your point of view through the whole situation. The only part I would have changed was to give the reader some background just as Katherine mentioned so the reader is not dropped it such and abstract situation. Overall a great story.
ReplyDeleteI love the bit you added about checking the time. Very creative story
ReplyDeleteThis was crazy good and something so unexpected in comparison to everyone else and I loved it. This is so you and It made me laugh while I was reading it because I could hear your voice while in was reading it. I felt like your thoughts were going crazy and everything was happening so fast then the ending mentioned the time and I had to take a moment to register everything. This is one of my favorites from this month good job!!
ReplyDeleteWow, as I read the first paragraph I felt as if you were writing the exact thoughts that go through my head. I think we all have those days where we question our life and future. I loved how this piece was so relatable, and a stream of your conscious. The end for some reason was my favorite part, it made me laugh as I can totally imagine myself in the same situation staying up all night. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteSerena, you are just great. This is my life story in like two paragraphs, except I am not in band.. You were funny and interesting and absolutely accurate to what every teenager feels when they can't fall asleep! It's like we question everything about life and you did an awesome job of showing it
ReplyDeleteTaylor Robles
I loved this piece because it was so different! It had your personality and it was really like I was in your train of thought, especially how you were changing subjects sporadically. That is exactly how I am at 3:47am. For some reason, those hours of the night are when your thoughts are everywhere about anything and everything. So creative, great job Serena !
ReplyDeleteThe part when there is a rhyme scheme is pretty random and spontaneous; it's nice how I felt as though I was in your head. It's actually pretty relatable as well because this is the chaotic calamity that we are all experiencing towards the end of high school. It's a nice concept and you conveyed it well.
ReplyDeleteSerena, that was great i totally know where your coming from. I love how you put the time that you wrote this at the bottom, and how you are always tired because you stay up late, i can relate to that. Honestly alot of people have the same thoughts as you; such as where they are headed in life, your not the only one so dont worry. I love the rapping as well. Good Job
ReplyDelete--McKynzie Fort
great job on the story. i have a direct relation to this because i always dream about the weirdest things and sometimes it scares me and then i just wake up and realize i was dreaming all along. i though it was good and well written and made me laugh about the rap part lol. good job
ReplyDeleteSerena, I found this to be pretty comedic, but inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI was able to put myself into your shoes for a while; I pictured myself sitting at my table doing my homework, and lo and behold, a tune pops in my head! Maybe its the music-lovers in us, but now I know I'm not the only one who "talks to herself" in her mind. I do it mostly when I'm really distracted or am wanting to step away from my homework, but I know I need to stay put and complete it.
I found it mostly entertaining when you broke into a rap. At first I was reading rapidly to see where your head was at, and then I realized I was smiling because of what you wrote. I found it amusing when you started questioning when you broke into a rap.
I think my favorite point was the ending, because you eventually convinced your own self to push further and keep pursuing. I think if you keep that mentality up even when your doubt or stress gets in the way, you'll definitely never stop SOARING. (:
I have to admit at first I was confused then I read the very last line "'oh dang it, no wonder I am always tired...'" and I understood exactly what was going on and it made me laugh. I reread the piece knowing that all your thoughts were occuring late at night (or early morning) and I understood why it was all bits and pieces of incomplete and conflicting thoughts because I often do this to myself as well- I think and overthink too much late at night and this too keeps me up and makes me tired. I loved it ! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis I think is the most unique piece I have read on the blog so far. It was very interesting. I felt like I was pulled into your thought process and I enjoyed it. I especially understand the "3:47 a.m." thing. I'm always tired as well. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAh, this is so good! You're such a great writer Serena! Sometimes I think it's really cool that you can look at a person and never know what they're made of!
ReplyDeleteI think the rhyming pattern and the lack of punctuation in their appropriate spot helps create the flow of the 'story'.The repetition of your two main questions also helped the flow of the story. It's exactly what a stream of consciousness should be like. I think it's so great that you even added an interruption into the whole thing.
I liked how you use exclamation points throughout the whole thing; it shows that your stream of consciousness is more of a happy, bouncy type, rather than a dull, disdainful one, like mine... kind of. haha! It, as well as the whole story itself, really helps show your personality on a different level. It's as if you're speaking to us one-on-one.
Okay. This was really funny. I don't know why, but I literally had to read this five times just to make sure I wasn't missing something. I loved how it rhymed and I wish I knew the exact beat that was in your head while you were writing this because yes, I would buy an audiotape of this. I can relate to that stream-of-consciousness idea that you started out with. I just wish that every thought I ever had came out in a rap. But, you know, we can't all be as cool as you Serena. You did a great job.
ReplyDeleteI didnt know if it was a poem or a rap, but I would love to see you perform this. I feel it really matches the stream of thought of any teenager in this generation. And that 3:47am fits because a lot of students dont grt adequate sleep - even teachers don't. I'm really amazed by this! Great job and excellent use of rhyme scheme!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the thoughts that come and go throughout my days. Also kudos on that rap flow at the end, you could be the next Slim Shady.
ReplyDelete