It was supposed to be like any
other day. The two love birds had no idea that their lives would drastically
change.
Upon
entering a jewelry store, a necklace caught Madison’s eye. She commented on its
beauty and how the heart entwining with the infinity sign displayed a touching
message of everlasting love. Trent decided that he was going to buy her the
necklace and asked the cashier to hold it as they made a trip to the bank.
They were holding hands and smiling
at the baby in front of them in line when they heard a gun go off.
Instinctively, they all crouched down on the floor and looked at the four men
that had just entered the bank in fear. Madison stared at the guns that they
held in their hands and felt her stomach sink in fear. The robbers separated
the customers into two separate groups. Women and children went on one side and
men on the other.
The men made them hand over all of
their cell phones, purses, and personal belongings to ensure that the customers
had no contact to the world outside of the bank. Five minutes later a phone
went off. It belonged to the mother of the baby that the couple had been
playing with earlier. Madison grabbed the phone quickly and then felt herself
being pulled up by the hair.
“Is the phone yours?” the robber
asked
Madison knew what she had to do.
She felt it deep inside of her heart. She nodded.
She
felt the gun hit her stomach and a loud sound go off. She fell to the floor,
gasping for air. She watched as Trent flew from the other side of the room to
her side.
“Don’t baby, don’t. Just hold on.” Trent pleaded
“I’m sorry. I had to. I couldn’t let them hurt her or the
baby.” She replied
She looked at him, her eyes begging for forgiveness. She
spoke to him with her eyes, telling him all he needed to know. She was sorry for
leaving him. They both knew that she wouldn’t last much longer. They only had a
few seconds.
“I know. I forgive you, love. You have nothing to be sorry
for. I love you so much. I always will.”
“Forever and always.”
She uttered with her last breath.
Two weeks later
Trent went back to the jewelry
store and bought the necklace that Madison had seen. It, along with the
engagement ring he had bought her the week prior, now hang from the mirror in
his bedroom. Every day he is reminded of the infinite love they had shared and
the emptiness he now feels after losing her. In her memory, he lives his life
as she would by putting others before himself and always trying to do the right
thing. He loves her and misses her beyond what anyone could understand, but he
holds on to the idea that one day he will be reunited with her.
Wow! This story was really sad but at the same time it had such a beautiful meaning behind it. I can feel the pain that Trent had to go through. The couple's love for each other was so touching and heartfelt. Also, Madison was such a good role model, putting others first before her! This story was well-thought-out and inspiring! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a touching story. I was really hoping that the ending wouldn't be so sad but this was a great story. I liked how you put dialogue in it to make it seem more personal and allow the reader to better understand the characters. I also like how you put the "two weeks later" part because it really strengthened your story. Very well written and good job.
ReplyDeleteJessica, this story was so touching. In a day and age where love is so often portrayed sensually, it was refreshing to be reminded of love's true characteristics - purity and selflessness. This piece was extremely well-written. I felt like I knew Trent and Madison personally and my heart broke upon learning of the engagement ring. I truly enjoyed this story. Nice job!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
Jessica, this piece made me tear a little. I actually questioned myself if I ever would have done the same thing Madison did. The way Madison protected the woman and her child was brave and selfless. She put others before herself. Her influenced rubbed off on Trent, who for the rest of his life put others before himself. I really liked this piece because very few people in the world would do what Madison did. Doing something as brave and selfless is a very difficult thing to do. You did an amazing job on this piece!
ReplyDeleteThis is really sad, but they way love is infinite and can last him until he sees her again is what makes this great. The way Madison dies selflessly is inspiring. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing piece! I did indeed feel this persons sorrow and it was just very sad, but a good story none the less.
ReplyDeleteJessica, I clicked on this story because I thought it would have a happy ending based on the title! When I read the first line I couldn't help but think, "NOO! It's going to be a sad one", and boy was I right! From the beginning, I began to feel myself warming up to the characters and smiling about Trent deciding to buy her the necklace, and then all of a sudden they were at a bank, and there was a baby, and guns, and they were on the floor and I couldn't believe how quickly your story had changed! You organized the piece in a way that gave the reader no chance to take a breath and you had me leaning in closer to my computer screen when the phone went off. I liked this about your story because it kept me on the edge of my seat! After Madison is shot and Trent runs to her, and we are given just a little dialogue between them, my heart broke because I could tell how much Trent loved Madison and how much of a good person she was as well. When I read about the engagement ring and the necklace he still bought, my heart broke for Trent all over again but choosing to give that glimpse into Trent's life brought your story full circle and It gave readers the feeling that Trent was going to be okay and that Madison had inspired him to be a better person. The end of your story was sad but hopeful and I thought it was a nice way to give the readers hope after such a tragic event. Your use of descriptions and making things happen quick made the story feel real to the reader and I felt as though I was watching the events unfold. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThat was sad, it actually made me feel sympathy for them. I like how it shows what happens after the robbery happened.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, really sad ending.. Your character was brave and her boyfriend loving! I'm so touched by how she sacrificed herself for the baby!! This story was cute in such a sad way.. I hope to one day find a love like theirs!
ReplyDeleteTaylor Robles
I am literally crying right now... It's amazing how you were able to tell such a heart-wrenching story in just a few words! That is definitely an amazing talent. I loved how you tied this whole piece together, with the title being a theme of the story, and the ending that wrapped it up so nicely. It was almost as if Trent's infinite love was a way for us readers to get closure!
ReplyDeleteOh, you just had to add that last bit about the engagement ring to break my heart even more D: This was an amazing story Jessica, you did a great job of getting us readers to fall in love with the couple and of shredding our hopes and dreams! Just kidding, I'm being dramatic. But in all seriousness, this was a very well-executed story. Like Adriene, it made me wonder about what I would have done in Madison's situation. I happen to love kids, so I'd like to think that I would have done the same to save one. I really liked how you made Madison someone to aspire to, to respect. I just hope that none of us ever has to deal with something like that. Thank you for sharing this with us! :)
ReplyDeleteHey girl, I enjoyed reading your flash fiction piece because it was captivating and sweet. I love the theme you conveyed about sacrifice, putting others before yourself, and everlasting love. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was absolutely beautiful! Not only did it reflect the power of love, but also implicated the message of putting others before yourself. I loved how you used dialogue to bring your story to life and reflect situations that happen in real life. Also, I loved how in the end, you incorporated the engagement ring back into the story. Well written and inspirational piece! Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYour writing is truly superb. I really enjoyed this story... Well, I guess enjoyed isn't quite the right word because then I'd be pretty sadistic, but it was so heart wrenching yet very sweet. I thought the message of putting others before yourself was well convey through the story and I'm glad that Trent is looking on the bright side. I kind of wish I got to read the entire robbery scene play out, great story!
ReplyDeleteSo, would it be weird to say that a fictional character just became my role model? Madison is such an amazing character; she's selfless, brave, and caring. I think everybody should strive to be a little like Madison. The sad part about it is, I don't even know if I would be brave enough to do the same thing, had I been in that situation. Anyways, great job on this piece. It was honestly inspiring.
ReplyDeleteWow.. this piece was so short, yet it was able to give the audience great emotion. You wrote this piece in a manner where it allowed the audience to feel as if they were there as everything was happening. When I read "She felt the gun hit her stomach and a loud sound go off," my heart completely sank. I didn't even realize how into the story I was until I was finished with the piece--I then realized that my mouth was agape and I was hardly breathing due to the shock of her death. I really can't put into words about how much I enjoyed this piece. You definitely used the moral about how love is infinite in a fresh way where it's something that the audience isn't familiar with. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteJessica!
ReplyDeleteWow! This story was very well written, I felt as if I was one with the characters. As the gun pressed upon Madison's stomach, I felt a pit in my stomach simultaneously! I liked that you made Madison a selfless hero, saving the mother and baby whom she did not know prior to the meeting at the bank. I also enjoyed that Trenton paid homage to Madison by purchasing the necklace and hanging it on his mirror, a place he would visit everyday while remembering her. Good job Jessica!
This was a really sad story. When she asks forgiveness for giving up her life and leaving him was the saddest part. The selfless deed Madison did was pretty inspiring. It was a good story.
ReplyDelete- Oscar Salazar
This is such an emotional and deep story. It made me wish that this was a whole book so I could read more. I love how this story sends such a great message and how you included the little epilogue at the end so you didn't leave us hanging :) Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story is inspirational. I loved how she protected the mother and the baby. You can learn so much from this story. Great Job.
ReplyDelete