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Monday, November 18, 2013

"and that's the way the cookie crumbles" by Alexis C.

It was a rainy foggy morning in Neverland. She was watching the rain on her window fall from the roof top of her castle. She watched as each rain drop became bigger as another drop joined into it. Penelope was a 14 year old girl with long straight red hair, blue eyes as blue as the sky, and skin as white as snow. Penelope just wanted to be free her room. Her parents didn’t want to let her to the outside world. They claimed she was too delicate and that the outdoors. All her life she’s been in her room finding things to do like invent, learn several instruments and teaching herself how to read and write.

One day, while she was laying in her pink king sized bed and thought to herself “I wonder what the outside world is like.” She had a talk with her parents over dinner and asked for them to let her out of her caged up room. They refused and told her it would be deadly dangerous for her to go outside of the castle. She argued for a more reasonable answer on why they keep her locked up but they gave her the same answer. Penelope stomped upstairs furious. She went to her room and grabbed her journal. She began to plan a way to get out of what she called a “Dog Cage”. She decided with her silky bed sheets she’d use it as a rope. She tied the sheets to her bed legs then she climbed down. On her way down she started to cough. She felt her muscles tighten. Pieces of her hair started to fall off. In seconds she let go and landed on the grass below. She felt lost and scared in an environment she never been in. She went ballistic and hollered for help. She screamed as if she was running from a mass murderer. She looked up and finds her parents looking upon her from her bedroom window. She cries and begs for help. Her parents close her windows that she escaped from and continue on walking away from their helpless daughter. She didn’t know what to do next. Penelope walked to the front gate of her castle and begged for her parent’s forgiveness back. Her parents accepted her apology. She went back into her room and waited for the right moment to leave home.

The message in this story is to be patient.  Many teenagers try to leave home because they don’t agree with their parents rules. They think with one job they could survive on their own. They think they’re stable but as life goes by, the harder it gets for them. Eventually as time passes they can’t pay their rent, food, or bills. They come running home to their parents for their support. In order to become successful you need to make several sacrifices. As life goes on you will decide what path you will take and how successful you choose to be.

24 comments:

  1. For me, it feels difficult to be a teen. My parents and I come to disagreements at time and it's hard for me! I can relate to this story, but reading the last paragraph of this story really opened my eyes. Everything you wrote is true! I would love to somehow repay my parents back for everything they have done great for me one day. I know my parents are always going to be there for me no matter what. :)
    -Leia S.
    per 6

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  2. I like your use of imagery such as "long straight red hair, blue eyes as blue as the sky, and skin as white as snow". It was very descriptive and it made the story more interesting to read. I can totally relate to Penelope. Also, I really like your overall message! I completely agree with you! Patience is the key to success. Overall, great job! I really enjoyed reading this story.

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  3. Wow, this was quite a compelling story. I love how you incorporated a current problem into a fairytale. I completely agree with you; all around us our kids desperate to get out from under their parents' roof, when in actuality, that roof is pretty nice. It saddens me to think that so many kids take the provision of their parents for granted. Your story wonderfully exposed the flaws in premature thoughts of teenage independence. Nice work!

    -Christina Tapia

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  4. Well didn't this hit home! I could almost feel my parents constricting me as I read the story. It all sounded too familiar, even in that altered universe. I did get scared for a moment when she was lost, since I really had no idea where this story was going, but you created a parallel between Penelope's situation and the situations of many teens craving independence. Essentially, you wrote an "almost" allegory due to the fact you did explicitly state the moral, but I think it was necessary in order to bring your message across. The story explains how this if not many "cookies" crumble, interesting title!

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  5. I agree, we are consumed with the thoughts of the endless possibilities our lives can turn out to be that we overlook the beauty of blessings we have in the moment. I like how you used a story to get your point across. Giving an example that demonstrates your point resonates much more than just stating your message point blank. The cold heartedness of the parents as they watched their daughter scream in agony legitimately made me sad for that one moment.The fact that you successfully evoked emotion from me while I am this tired right now is pretty fascinating to me. Good job Lexie :)

    -Danieh Abu Alrub

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  6. in a way I feel like the character in the story is you because of the way you described everything and I can connect with it because being 14 isn't hard but it isn't easy either
    Sabrina Espinoza
    period 6

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  7. I like the message you conveyed through your story. I also like how in the beginning the story seemed that it was going to whimsical almost like a fantasy but in the end it was twisted and surreal.

    - Erin Napoleon

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  8. This reminds me of a situation that almost every teen goes through. I had a very similar experience except my rope was too short and I fell into the castle moat. Anyways the imagery and description of her feelings was very good and really made the story much more effective.

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  9. This is a lesson that is true to the outside world and that is what you mean by sacrifices in your life. This was a good representation of making sacrifices.
    - Anthony Navarrete

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  10. I am so glad that you chose this topic. It is a great epidemic now a days, many teens decide that it is better to leave home and they dont realize that there parents know best and want the best for them. Great piece.

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  11. I 100% agree. Like they always say "Good things come to those who wait." Some teens feel as if they don't have all the time in the world, grow up too fast, and then eventually regret it. Once you are an adult their comes great responsibilities so just chill, lay back, and enjoy, until the time comes and you are ready. Success is a long process that includes hard work and dedication. It just doesn't come easy. So that is a very good life lesson. :)) I like it.
    -Funmi Sule

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  12. I like the way you described the character. It was easy to picture in my head and also I liked how you made it so we can relate to the story.
    Alyssa Rackley period 2

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  13. i loved how you used many descriptions to help with your essay . it helped me relatee to the characters and understand thimgs beeter in someone elses point of view.
    -Abigail rich

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  14. i can relate. being 14 isnt hard or easy. i like how you used a lot of quotes in life about being 14 and the emotion you used

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  15. I say this all the time! A lot of people are in such a rush to get out and graduate and I feel like I'm the only one that is a little bit scared of moving out and away from the only place and people I've known my whole life so this story really hit close to home! I love how you made the story an easy one to relate too as well as the message you incorporated into your story line. Good Job!

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  16. This was a very interesting piece! I love your use of similes and suspense in the beginning of the story. I like how you incorporated a theme within the story, but I feel like it would have been more effective if you symbolized the theme through your story rather than stating it explicitly. Overall, it was great piece!

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  17. every thing you wrote is true I really liked your story you did a really good job
    Eli Cabrera
    period 6

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  18. Great Job on your story !! I liked it a lot and how its creative. i liked how you used a twist in the story of fairytale and reality at the sametime. I see how Penelope feels i can relate to that but you should always know that your still young and yes you may have arguments with each other but just remember that they just want the best for you.Good Job !! :)

    -Natalie Anguiano

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  19. Haha, at first I thought it was a little fairytale story, which really got me into reading the story. When it turned out it was really a parallelism between the modern world, it got me more interested in reading the remainder of the piece, due to its twist! I thought that was a brilliant method of getting the readers' attentions. Also, the conflict you used within the piece definitely seems to be a current problem within young teenagers in this generation. This piece would truly teach them a lesson about like you said, to be patient. You have a very mature understanding of this conflict. Good job on this piece!

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  20. I honestly thought this was going to lead into some Disney-fied princess story, but was I wrong about that.
    This piece was strongly executed because it made the reader involved since I am a teen, and I definitely go through stages where I feel trapped in the life I'm in since majority of my decisions are based off of a parental influence.

    The strongest portion of this piece was with no doubt, "On her way down she started to cough. She felt her muscles tighten. Pieces of her hair started to fall off. In seconds she let go and landed on the grass below. She felt lost and scared in an environment she never been in. She went ballistic and hollered for help. She screamed as if she was running from a mass murderer."
    My eyes widened on this portion.
    The cause and effect of wanting to escape with no prior knowledge of what may happen and what happened was shockingly executed.

    Definitely a great read. Very eye opening.
    Great job!

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  21. I honestly thought this was going to lead into some Disney-fied princess story, but was I wrong about that.
    This piece was strongly executed because it made the reader involved since I am a teen, and I definitely go through stages where I feel trapped in the life I'm in since majority of my decisions are based off of a parental influence.

    The strongest portion of this piece was with no doubt, "On her way down she started to cough. She felt her muscles tighten. Pieces of her hair started to fall off. In seconds she let go and landed on the grass below. She felt lost and scared in an environment she never been in. She went ballistic and hollered for help. She screamed as if she was running from a mass murderer."
    My eyes widened on this portion.
    The cause and effect of wanting to escape with no prior knowledge of what may happen and what happened was shockingly executed.

    Definitely a great read. Very eye opening.
    Great job!

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  22. She sounds very pretty haha, I like the moral of this story. She should've listened to her parents. - Felisa Monroy

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  23. Great job! I love the fact that you used adjectives almost everytime you had the chance to. Its great that you did that because it describes what's going on. On a second note I understand where your POV is coming from because yeah you're right it is hard being a teen. Awesome job

    -Hizkia Mambo

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  24. The character in your story is a great representative of the whole of teenagers. We ALL want more freedom, and when we try to get it, we hurt ourselves and others. The similes that you used to describe the protagonist also helped to paint a clear picture of the situation. Good job.

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