Not every murder is named after
a flower. Only the most gruesome and terrifying murders that can never be
solved are the ones who are named after the most beautiful flowers. There are
murders like the case of the Black Dahlia or the Rose bomber. The one I have
always remembered about is the murdering of the Red Lily.
The Red Lily is another name of Charlotte
Hastings. She was a beautiful red head with emerald eyes. Her skin was as
beautiful and fragile-looking as porcelain; you can say she resembles an angel.
But as beautiful as she was, she died a terrible, gruesome death at the age of
twenty-two.
Charlotte
was waitress at a local diner in the town she went to college. According to her
friends, she spent all of her time studying to become the person to cure cancer
or working at the diner to save up for her college fees. I thought she had a
bright future. Fate thought differently when a serial killer found her walking
down a street after she had gotten off of work.
I cringed just remembering the details of the
crime scene. She was found in a forest approximately four days after her death.
She had been cut up into pieces and her ring finger on her left hand was
missing. This was the M.O for a serial killer that had killed fifteen women
over the past seven years.
Anthony
James was a genius. He knew how to plan, get rid of the evidence, and most
importantly: BTK. And because of this, there has never been any physical
evidence to point towards James. I was a cop. A determined cop of over thirty
years, and I have seen many terrible things in the past thirty years. But what
happened to the Red Lily completely changed my perspective. I have finally
realized that justice is cruel. There is never any real justice until the
guilty is captured.
To hell with our court system and to hell with
our “rights”! How can people like the Red Lily killer really slip through our
fingers? I know how. They escape because of our corrupted government which
refuses to prosecute those who are obviously guilty. Because of this, I am now
able to say that this injustice needs to stop…
2 Days Later
The
reporter looked at the camera as she stood in front of the house of Anthony
James.
“Are
you ready?” The reporter’s cameraman asked.
“Yeah.”
She answered as she held the microphone to her lips. The cameraman pointed to
her, indicating they were now live. “Just hours ago, Detective Frank O’Neil was
arrested for the murder of Anthony James. Detective Frank has been part of the
police force for thirty-two years. Anthony James was the suspect in a murder
case Detective Frank was on. According to my resources, Detective Frank bound
James after knocking him out. He then tortured James and soon killed him.
Resources confirm that this was the same M.O for the murder we know as the Red
Lily murder of Charlotte Hastings. I’m Cassandra Hastings of NBC news. Back to
you, Jim.”
I especially liked this flash fiction because unlike a lot of flash fiction that I read, you were able to actulally capture what the detective was like, what he though, he's own justice system, the "right and wrong" of that man, and that's what really made this story worth while. The plot twist was also a nice touch, ending it ironically like that, showing that people with good intentions like the detective, can be corrupted with their own obsessions, and even though he meant to be a savior and avenge those women, he ended just as low as the criminal himself! Really nice job.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so realistically descriptive that I initially thought it was based on an actual murder. It wasn't until the twist at the end that I realized it was only fiction. The imagery you incorporated was spot-on and for the most part, I felt like I was watching an episode of one of my favorite crime shows. I loved the way you ended the story. Hearing news stories about vicious murderers escaping uncharged has always caused me to question our legal system. So, I could definitely relate to the cop's sense of frustration. I thought it was interesting how you portrayed the public's shocked response to an arguably "noble" deed. Overall, this entry was perfect in every way. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
There's a saying that says "Justice doesn't mean the bad guy goes to jail, it just means somebody pays for the crime." If you haven;t heard that before you really captured the essence of that saying in this flash fiction, especially with that ironic twist at the end. To the people in the story, the Detective looks like the serial killer and James looks like another victim but only the readers know that the detective was only trying to make up for holes in our legal system! I also questioned whether or not this was a true murder case in the beginning cause you're imagery was very vivd! I loved it!
ReplyDelete-Araybia Brown
I thought it was clever to use the real event of the Black Dahlia in your flash fiction, giving it a realistic element to play off of. Also, naming the incident "The Red Lily" was smart since the lily often represents death in our culture. The shift in point of view really elevated the writing. The first person point of view of Detective Fran O'Neil allowed me to understand his emotions and hate of the serial killer, Anthony James. This allowed for me to have a deeper understanding of the events when the point of view switched to third person and the News Reporter, Cassandra Hastings, was broadcasting how Detective O'Neil had suddenly murdered Anthony James. Crazy!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Anderson
I love the imagery in the beginning and the irony in the end ! I was also quite fascinated with the most horrendous murder cases being named after flowers. How ironic how something so beautiful and pure would be given a name to something so evil and cruel...
ReplyDeleteI think it is really cool that you used the real event of the Black Dahlia when you pointed out that the most gruesome murders were named after flowers, which are a part of nature so we normally associate them with kind gestures and forgiveness and love and things like that. I knew right from the start this would be a chilling story and that's exactly what I got. I expected a twist because the detective was so angry but I never expected him to become like the very man he had been trying to bring to justice when the "right" way wasn't doing that for him! OH, THE IRONY! Also, great use of imagery when describing the victim in the murder the detective was investigating because it made it easier to understand the detectives feelings and sympathize with him. You also used the right words when you described the girl because by describing her with the word porcelain you only made her seem more innocent and justified the detectives actions even more.
ReplyDeleteOh my! I thought the Red Lily was an actual event because of the details and the way you set the scene. I just imagined this story as part of the tv show Criminal Minds or something. Your story showed the frustration of the detective on the justice system and how he had to take matters in his own hands because he couldn't put up with how Anthony James was not taking responsibility of the murder. Your story was very enticing throughout and I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good concept. The way you wrote it made it pleasing to read. You had a few grammatical errors but besides that you did a stellar job.
ReplyDelete-Lauren WIlliams
I really enjoyed your story. It was so interesting and realistic. I like how you didn't identify the speaker right away and how at the end you left it so that the reader could figure out connections for themselves. You definitely caught my interest from beginning to end and wrote your piece very well. You portrayed the feelings of the police officer very accurately and that only helped make your story great.
ReplyDeleteI really loved the into, as a reader I was able to make an assumption of what I thought was going to happen next, I loved the twists t the end and your metaphorical use.
Delete--Kynzie F
I really liked your story, great job! I liked the detail that you used. The terminology and the style in which you wrote made it seem all the more realistic and made it more believable that the story was being told by a detective (though I didn't notice this until you uncovered it- which I also liked how you waited for your reveal!). I also loved the irony you added at the very end with the victim being related to the reporter. It was unexpected and made the story that much better. I wish that I could have read more in the reporter's point of view. Once again, great job!
ReplyDelete-Jessica Berrie
Hi jay I see you also did a story about murder guess great minds think alike. The one thing that I liked best about your story was the ending. The detective murdered the murderer, I definitely didn't see that coming and I think that's why it was so effective. The only peeve that I have with the story is the transition to the ending, it was kindof sudden but I guess that's just my opinion
ReplyDeleteYou set up the story extremely well, I love your writing style. You give a great description of the main female character in such a short amount of time. I also thought it was interesting how the reporter ended up being related to the girl. Maybe it wasn't the correct route for the detective to go, but it probably felt like justice to the girl's family. I guess it all depends on how you see the story.
ReplyDelete