When
I was a medic in world war two I was a donor scientist and also a doctor. I was
never scared to help people with deep impacted wounds. But, one day fifty-eight
solders were bombed by an enemy aircraft. I was scared because I did not have
any hope. But, people believed in me, and I said to myself ‘’nothing can shock
me I’m a scientist.’’
I
had helped fifty two solders with in twenty-four hours. I still had six solders
that were still bleeding out. I was scared for them I cause I know they weren’t
going to make it. Then just in a matter of
I
managed to save to five more people. But one person, my brother I’d thought he
would’ve been ok but he wasn’t. He had a conclusion that no one know about he
didn’t know about it. Two days go by hand he’s dead.
You really can't save everyone, but at least the hero tried, and that to me is what really matteres. Nice story concept, very tragic indeed. Next time make sure to revise your work over and over untill your confident there are no mistakes! Who knew conclusions could be so deadly! But really, good job :)
ReplyDeleteI have always been fond of historical fiction, so I instantly found myself intrigued by the plotline. There were several typos within the piece which slightly diminished the impact of the heartbreaking ending. But overall, I still loved the story. As the narrator described the death of his brother, my chest tightened up. The thought of losing my brother causes my heart to cringe in pain, but feeling responsible for his death would be an entirely different level of heartache. This short story was great; keep writing!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
First, I have to say how happy I was when I realized that this was a period piece as they are some of my favorite stories to read. There was good organization in the piece and the amount of description you chose to use in describing the numbers of soldiers saved not only foreshadowed that one would not be saved but it also made me feel anticipation and dread at the same time. The story was written in such a sad and melancholy tone I knew someone would die but I hoped I was wrong and couldn't wait to find out the last soldier's fate. The fact that it was the medic's brother took me by surprise and left me wanting more because I then began to wonder how the the brothers ended up in such different positions in life and how the doctor was able to handle and continue his life after the death of his brother. I gladly would have read a longer version of this story. Anyway, Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you gave us a place to start and how you explained everything very carefully and understandable
ReplyDeleteIn most stories the hero saves everyone but that is not always true and I like how your story portrayed that.
ReplyDeleteWOW I did not expect that with the brother. I'm going to go and stair at a wall now and think about my life. (Just Kidding)
ReplyDelete-Caitlyn Mulvey
It's a great story about how he saves many of the solider's lives, but sad that his own brother didn't make it in the end.
ReplyDelete-Kayden Ruiz
Nice job Jakob. I get to co-teach in your drama class alongside Mr. Kiley every school day, and I have never seen this side of you. This story was great, and very touching. Keep putting stories like this down on a page, and keep up the good work in drama.
ReplyDeleteGood job World War II was a good war to lesarn about.
ReplyDeleteThere were grammatical and spelling errors that could be fixed, but overall, good job! I liked the unexpected twist of the speaker's brother dying even though it was sad. It added to the idea that you really cannot save everyone. It made you sympathize with the doctor/medic/donor scientist because while he was doing good and saving lives, he was unable to save the life of the person who probably mattered the most to him. I also liked the fact that you wrote about World War II. I've always found that time period to be one of the most interesting- especially as a person who does not care for history! Overall, good job and keep writing!
ReplyDelete-Jessica Berrie
Good story, sad that the brother dies in the end but a good ending! One thing to check for is grammar errors i noticed quite a few in this story. -alyssa rackley
ReplyDeleteThis story has a bitter sweet ending meaning that the hero was able to save some of the solider's but not all of them.
ReplyDeleteWOW this is a great story like i feel like i can picture this i love the details
ReplyDeletethis piece is very interesting, when i read the title i thought it would be something like a man saved his best friends life but really it was the total opposite.you totally cought me by surprise with that ending. the way you used certain phrases made me feel sadness for the narrator. this was a very good piece.
ReplyDelete- Alexandra Urena
Nice sense of purpose in the story. It also shows true feeling at its best. If one thing could be improved it would be length.
ReplyDelete( p.s. ending makes me cry everytime.)
-Erick Hollinquest
nice job on that story it was very interesting it could have used more detail but it was a well written story- Daniel Gutierrez
ReplyDeletevery descriptive! good job!
ReplyDelete-Josh Bryan