"Limbo" - Elijah A

 

Lost, blindness from the feeling of nothing, I always wanted this suffering to end. I've hated my life over and over. Stuck in the ephemeral lust of dreaming, as I wake up to continue the nightmare. You who have seen my life through triumph and struggle. The torture of a week, the pain of the a month, the endevor of a year. Throughout a lifetime I have been stuck with this fate. Yet it was fate, the bright joy that it has brought me. Giving purpose and value to my soul, fate gave me a life to enjoy.

 You intertwined me with a beautiful beloved. Intertwining came into the existence of one. My child, My dear sweet child, oh how I regret bringing to life and to my dear beloved, how I wish I never had the chance to meet you. I wish to never see you two with the ending of a torned heart, how I never wished the fate that has brought upon us. Just as how easily fate has given me joy, it has stricken me with an indescribable pain. The string that has connected us, cut by moirai, separating us, unable to ever hold you. From one simple stroll, a crash, that leaving of two. As I remember the past, I dread the future. Alone, I can only see the vivid memories of what once was, happiness. My only escape from darkness, to dream. As I dream, I dream of my aspirations, the feeling of loss, my love.

I close my eyes, feel myself drowning, then SNAP. I see myself as I was young. My life was chaotic. I always had an abstract mind, wanting to be free, let my mind go loose. I always want to show my life wanting glory, fame, and riches. Two aspects in which I wanted to have. I decided growing up that I want those two to be my main pillars to my life. Bit by bit, as the dream goes further, I see my work and effort pay off. Working as an artist, I could fulfill my desires. Everything that I ever wanted, although it was a bit lonely.

However, I never knew how close I was to someone until I finally knew. As the dream continues, I see my hope and my dreams not alone, but with someone else. They brought me so much joy in life, I was blinded by the tragedy. I remembered everything and wished to see them. I dream of them, my child and my partner. I see them in the house we bought, the place we called home. Still, even if this is a dream, I am afraid of reaching out, I only watch afar. So close yet so far, in this dream the distance between us may be small but feels so far. I watch as I dream of my beloved and my sweet child growing without me. I can feel their sadness, yet I am unable to comfort them. And as the dream starts to fade, I wake up stuck in darkness, waiting for my trial, my final dream.