"What is “enough”?" by Estella P

 

TW // talk of eating disorders

 

What is “enough”?

 

Enough (determiner, pronoun)

 

1.     as much or as many as required.

 

-       Synonyms include: sufficient, adequate, ample, etc.

 

When used after an adjective, adverb, or verb, “enough” is used for saying that an amount is as much as you need or things are as many as you need.

 

Ex. “Do we have enough food and drinks for everyone?”

 

When used in reference to a person, it is used for saying someone or something is or isn’t as good, big, fast, etc. as necessary.

 

Ex. “Am I good enough?”

 

So,​what is enough?

 

Maybe you joke that I have a lot on my plate or that I look like I've lost weight.

 

Maybe your eyebrows raise when I get up for another slice of pizza.

 

Maybe it’s words, maybe it’s just a look.

 

Maybe it wasn’t intentional.

 

Maybe you didn’t mean anything by it,

 

but that was enough.

 

It was enough to make me think twice before I got up to get more.

 

It was enough to make me look around before I got another slice.

 

It was enough to make me suck in my stomach.

 

It was enough to make me skip breakfast,

 

and lunch,

 

and dinner.

 

How can you look at me eating the same food as the girl I’m sitting next to and decide that it is too much for me but just enough for her?

 

How can you look at her and think how cute that crop top is but say to yourself that I should cover up for wearing the same one?

 

How can you look at a woman and decide then and there how much of your respect she has earned by the amount of fat that is on her body?

 

How could you possibly think that we need to hear from you the same things we hear from our own reflection?

 

It was enough for me to tell myself that it was okay I didn't eat anything today because “I'll just eat tomorrow” .. but then tomorrow would come and so would that same excuse.

 

It was enough for me to tell myself that I didn't have “the body” to wear those jeans or that shirt.

 

It was enough to make tears stream down my face when I looked at myself in the mirror.

It was enough to make me ask if I will ever be able to genuinely say that I love myself.

 

Will my words ever be enough to outweigh what society has taught me?

 

Will they ever make it so that I don’t cringe every time I see a picture of myself or walk by a mirror?

 

I have to believe that they will.

 

I cannot accept the fact that despite my best efforts, I could still never be enough.

 

Society has taught us that loving yourself for who you are isn’t the default, hating yourself is.

 

Unlearn that.

 

Some traits are accepted, others aren’t.

 

At the end of the day, you are the only person whose opinion matters, and even though that can be a tough pill to swallow, you have to learn how to be beyond okay with who you are and unlearn what society has forced down your throat.

 

You can’t be someone else’s “perfect” before you are your own.

 

You say that by telling women they’re obese that it’s nutrition, that you just want them to be healthy.

 

You say we’re promoting obesity and laziness,

 

that we just want an excuse to be unhealthy.

 

You will say that it is anything except for what it is:

 

loving ourselves for the very reasons we have been told not to.

 

I’m still unlearning, and it’s okay if you are too.

 

Your body is beautiful.

 

Your weight is no one else’s concern.

 

Your voice is the only one that matters.

 

You are YOU,

 

and that is enough.

 

You​are enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

 

“ENOUGH (Adverb, Determiner, Pronoun) American English Definition and Synonyms: Macmillan Dictionary.” ENOUGH (Adverb, Determiner, Pronoun) American English Definition and Synonyms | Macmillan Dictionary, www.macmillandictionary.com/us/dictionary/american/enough_1.