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Monday, March 16, 2020

" Number 518 " by Katera P


      “No no no no-Please!” As I was being pried away from my husband’s arms I fought for my life...I fought for him. I’m finally seeing the effects of this new “utopia” and it’s not great. Love is prohibited, no more independence, we are all “equal”, slaves to the higher class, and we are hurting, “Please let me say one more thing to him-please!” My fight ended as quickly as it started once I’m thrown into the back seat of a car.    The pictures outside my window are only blurs of a town I once lo- I mean liked. The blurriness of my town disappears as the car ride gets longer and longer. We’ve been driving through dirt and shrubbery roads for what seems like ages. A building finally comes to view and it towers over the car with its grey and reflective glass windows. The car door opens and I’m yanked out of the car. The sun is blinding and my feet feel like a thousand small needles. I’m pushed to follow a line of people entering the building. All of them are women...why? We are led down a long brightly lit hallway that looks like it stretches for miles. I let my fingers pass along the grey bumpy wall as we walked farther and farther down. We finally reach a door and we are told to sit on the floor. There's a man on the podium looking at us settled onto the floor, “ Thank you all for being here.” The man says once we are all sat, “Today we will be filming an educational video about the old world.” I can’t understand where this is going and why there's only women in this room.   “Today we are going to get rid of your pain. Since you won't understand the procedure on how we will rid you of this pain I’ll simplify it for you...brainwash.” I questioned if I heard him correctly, but my body reacted before more. Goosebumps and tears roll down my face, and my breathing shortens. I’m terrified of what this means for me. I don’t want to forget my husband,friends,family, and myself. I don’t want to be a blank canvas like the people I see on the news. The man continues to speak, “ We will start with releasing section by section so please remain seated.”   The next hour consisted of yelling, crying, slapping, shoving, kicking, and praying. I was actually in a living hell. I couldn’t run or attack. I just listened to the women being taken into the rooms and then silence until another wave was taken in.    It was my turn next and I was too numb to even fight it. Two men pulled me into their arms and walked me toward the door. Inside was a brown chair, in front of it was a camera, and next to the camera stood a man with thick black glasses. I sat in the chair and waited for what would happen next. The man spoke, “Hello Bex I am Aspen and I will be helping with today's procedure. I will be recording you as you speak your last thoughts. During this recording there will be series of flashes each one washing away your memories. As you will soon be able to tell this is painless...any questions...no? Ok let's get started.” The camera started rolling as the man says the time and date and looks at me to start. I began to think maybe this is a good idea and maybe getting rid of my memories won’t be a bad idea...so I can forget this day. All I wanted to do was talk like this is normal, so if I have a chance to look at this I can look at the women I used to be. So I began  “Hey it’s Bex...I’m 30 years old...a psychologist and I have a pet dog. Um I- ok I’ll start my final statement ….I once knew love. It was like yesterday I was able to hold
you...hm. I’ll never forget the fuzzy feeling when you asked me out on a date...and we both showed up late ha! And I dropped my food on the floor haha...I’ll miss that. I’ll miss your smile and your hand in mine….why? Why can’t I scream your name from the rooftop, dance with you, sing for you…die for you?” I pause and look at the monitors watching me. I just look at it’s blinking red dot mocking my failure. “Huh! Why! What’s so wrong with loving another being and being ourselves!I will NOT be a puppet!! Why God!...why.” The pain no- the anger I’m feeling is almost unbear- flash! I was blinded by the first flash, “ WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! This isn’t right! You CAN’T change everyone-“ another flash ends my sentence. I don’t want to forget but I feel my memory sloping already, “I will never forget! This world you created will crumble just as quickly as it was built...I promise” flash…


Number 518
Year 3020
Subject: Bex Mare
Video log part 2

   “Ok Bex let's continue the video shall we? Ok first question… Are you excited for your future?” Bex looked into the monitor with a smile on her face, “I look forward to what is to come and I support every decision made for me with open arms”. 

Number 518
Year 3020
Subject: Bex Mare
Video log part 2  Complete

18 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh this story was so shocking and amazing! The point of view of the speaker really pulled me in as I feared for her next moments. As she struggled and watched what others before her go through, I was kept on the edge of my seat as I anticipated the next events of the story.

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  2. Rinel-Christian AlbaniaMarch 17, 2020 at 11:30 AM

    Great work! I love how you preface your work with the intensity of being pulled away from a loved one. It really sets the tone for how this dystopian society is deprived of morality. I also love how, while Bex was being brainwashed, her ability to complete her sentences starts to deplete as the camera repeatedly flashes. It really highlights how torn down Bex felt as she began to literally lose her mind. Keep it up!

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  3. This was so interesting to read! It was like the beginning of a very interesting book. The concept of a society where love is forbidden is very creative and I would love to hear more about how Bex navigates this utopia. Makes me wonder what will happen next: will Bex regain her memory and confront her society's issues? It is startling how easy it was for the announcer to suggest getting rid of pain through brainwashing. This post hints at problems in our own society and is very insightful. Great job!

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  4. oooh! Were you inspired by the dystopia in Brave New World?
    I really loved how shocking it was and you did great are delivering the emotions from the main character.
    I would love to read this short story because it has amazing potential!

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  5. Woah! The narrative was so compelling that I was left wondering what happened before and what will happen next to the main character. I appreciated how you treaded a fine line between utopia and dystopia in order to provide shocking societal commentary. The use of consistent dialogue and visual detail contributed to the immersive nature of the piece. Thanks for sharing!

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  6. Isabella PattersonMarch 24, 2020 at 2:06 PM

    I loved this story because it accumulates several of my worst fears into one story. The fear of losing everyone and forgetting everything I love is truly terrifying. I thought displaying the destructive nature of the "Utopian" society was extremely clever. I also think the last line Bex said was powerful and a perfect way to end the story. -Isabella Patterson

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  7. This story was so interesting and invoked many different emotions. I could kind of picture the women being walked in and the flashes. The imagery was great and the plot kept my eyes glued to the story. Great Job!!

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  8. I love your perspective on the fictitious world you created. It is a very interesting concept to imagine having all our memories taken away from us. I was intrigued on how the character came to submit to the idea of starting over.

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  9. Wow your title is what drew interest in me to read this story. A simple number that could represent anything. A number seems way too detached and simple to represent a person. However, I guess we all already have a social security numbers. It wouldn't be that hard of a transition.
    -Dahrien trotter

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  10. WOW just WOW the detail in this is incredible I felt like I was witnessing this for myself, the Idea that you came up with a story this intricate is astounding to me. This piece really grabbed my attention. The dialog was perfectly placed alongside with the internal comments, this could be a short film.

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  11. This was amazing work! I loved the format of the story and the ending where you could easily hear the tone changing! This is one of the best stories I have read on this blog due to the amount of visual detail and emotional tone changes. You did a really good job with representing the loss of her personality and memories!

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  12. Wow, the idea of this is amazing! This broken Utopia that molds people's thoughts to whatever the "government" needs or wants is terrifying. We really don't know what's going to happen in the future and this definitely brought out that fear of the unknown. Great story!

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  13. I’m amazed! This story was crazy I see that a Brave New World clearly left an impression on you. It felt very real reading this especially since those forced to concede are always minorities specifically women. The scene specifically where women are being herded forced to see “ educational” videos reminds me of the Red Center in The Handmaids Tale. Very Good Job!

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  14. This piece was amazing and it definitely needs a part two. I just love how you inserted themes of Brave New World into this piece and you definitely hint at the overall message of the story. Its definitely a "utopia" because everyone is equal and there is no love, yet the main character reminds us that individuality will always win over all.

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  15. Whoa, this was pretty crazy. Dystopian societies disguised as utopias are always a good read, hence Brave New World, 1984, Fahrenheit 451. I’m glad to see you enjoyed these types so much! It was very interesting reading your adaptation of a utopia/dystopia, and it was quite chilling, to say that least. Awesome job! - Eddie Yanez

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  16. This is a brilliantly executed story. I was focused on the story until the bitter end. I liked the dystopian feel and it reminded me of Brave New World. Overall, great story!

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  17. It is amazing how much emotion and thought you put in just one short paragraph. I really love the attention grabbing title you gave to this piece because that's what tempted me to read it. You writing is very emotional and I could understand the emotions Bex felt right before her memory was erased. Amazing job!!! - Hannah Colunga

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  18. This story is full of pure thrill and provides such chilling elements in such a limited amount of words. The part that made my skin crawl is where she completely goes powerless and gives up as the many women are being taken. Good job!

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