My name is Tonya Lonay, I am 56 years old, and I’m here to tell you my story. I’ve lived a happy life all of these years. I have two kids, one of which is a 17-year-old girl who goes by Jaz and the other just a 9-year-old boy, our little Sean. My husband and I have never had any major parenting problems, our kids were good in school and avoided trouble. When we were notified that Jaz had been pulled out of class, this truly shocked us. The school was being very vague over the phone so I decided to immediately drive up to the school to figure out exactly what was going on. When I arrived, they wouldn’t let me see my daughter. I was notified that she had been taken to the local police station. My heart was racing as I arrived at the police station and to my surprise, I saw six huge men in all black suits carrying her out into a van. I jump out of my car screaming at them to put my daughter down, however, they disregard everything that I said. The van began to drive off and I quickly followed after them. It zoomed through the streets making many quick turns, all I could think was if I lost this van I would lose my daughter. I finally saw the van slow down at this strange, complex, grey building. The title of this building read, “Federal Government Holding Facility”. My anxiety rapidly elevated, I’ve always been able to protect my children from harm but this situation had really escalated quickly and I feared what would happen next.
I had to create a plan because it was obvious that these men were not going to listen nor help me. I planned to record everything that was happening and send it to my husband who worked at a news agency with the power to publicize the injustice happening. In turn, the people who were holding my child would have reason to fear the exposure, giving me the upper hand.
I snuck into the building in plain sight. My disguise was simply confidence and my professional work outfit. I saw them taking my daughter into this enormous room that was unfortunately under high security. My disguise came to an end when this gigantic man calls me out. I couldn’t think fast enough of a lie to say, so instead, I just told the truth. The truth that I was getting back my daughter and would hurt anyone who hindered me. I also added that If he didn’t want their dark secrets being released on the public news then he should start answering my questions.
The huge man stayed silent. I was terrified and my confidence in my “power speech” was very slim. In the middle of all my doubt, the man opened the door and motioned me in. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The room was filled with thousands of kids around my daughter’s age, all dressed in government-like prison uniforms. I noticed numerous doctors applying a foreign drug to the kids, causing them to be in a zombie-like daze. I couldn’t control my anger and immediately demand for my daughter. The man says that she is a danger to the human race. He continues saying that government tests proved that Jaz’s DNA was not fully human and was mixed with an extraterrestrial substance. Under government policy, they are not permitted to release any of these children back into the world. I was shocked to hear the words coming out of his mouth and don’t believe it. This was my sweet, innocent daughter that he was talking about. My child that I birthed and raised with all the care that a mother could give. How could his words possibly be true, and even if it were true, this doesn’t give anyone the right to take away my child. Were they expecting me to just leave and forever forget about my daughter? The man continued explaining that many pregnant mothers were abducted and their normal children were
injected with the DNA of a different species which turned them into a new “hybrid” breed. These
hybrids have been living among us. Some don’t even know what they truly are. However, many
have discovered that they have special abilities that normal people don’t. The government
cannot allow a new species with superior abilities to rome the world freely. He looked me in the
eye and said, “it’s nothing personal, only protocol.” Suddenly, I was surrounded by government
officials carrying me out. As he says his last words, a government officer walks by and holds a
rag to my face, causing my world to spin out of control before complete darkness surrounded
me.
It’s been 2 years since the last time I've seen my daughter. My husband and I have tried our best to expose what the government is doing, but every new lead and news report always ends up deleted. They are heavily protected by many sources. To this day, I am still confused. I don’t know if what that man said that day was true or not but, they have my child. The building I followed them to that day doesn’t even exist anymore. I just want my daughter back, she could be anywhere, scared and alone. I also worry each day about the safety of my second child. We decided to pull him out of the public school system and home school him. My entire life I had a false sense of protection, I would have never imagined this could happen to my family. This is not okay, they can’t just tear apart my family and move on with life. I’m telling my story to warn you all, cherish each moment that you have with your family, because tomorrow is never promised. I also warn you all to watch your surroundings and trust no one.
Labeled: Flash Fiction
It’s been 2 years since the last time I've seen my daughter. My husband and I have tried our best to expose what the government is doing, but every new lead and news report always ends up deleted. They are heavily protected by many sources. To this day, I am still confused. I don’t know if what that man said that day was true or not but, they have my child. The building I followed them to that day doesn’t even exist anymore. I just want my daughter back, she could be anywhere, scared and alone. I also worry each day about the safety of my second child. We decided to pull him out of the public school system and home school him. My entire life I had a false sense of protection, I would have never imagined this could happen to my family. This is not okay, they can’t just tear apart my family and move on with life. I’m telling my story to warn you all, cherish each moment that you have with your family, because tomorrow is never promised. I also warn you all to watch your surroundings and trust no one.
Labeled: Flash Fiction
This is such a great opening to a potential novel, or even a movie! The storyline itself is very intriguing and it leaves me asking numerous as I read through. What species could this possibly be? Why is the government hiding this information? Will she ever get her daughter back? Does she have another plan to find her and expose the government? With such an interesting introduction, I definitely see this evolving into something much bigger. With sort of a cliffhanger ending, I, along with many others who read this, would of course want to see its end. Part two pending, please! Amazing, Dari.
ReplyDeleteThis deserves a sequel! I liked the part where the character went on a high speed chase. This added so much excitement and interest to the story.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story! The story being told in first person really adds to the overall effect. The protagonist's anxiety and fear really shows the intensity of the situation, and brought out feelings of anticipation within me; I was on the edge of my seat! Also, the imagery used to describe the facility really created a tone shift and created situational irony; the daughter being sent there because she is a supposed hybrid series was something I was not expecting.
ReplyDelete-Julia Lozano
I really like how you ended with a positive message that everyone she take into account. You did a great job structuring this piece which allowed your story to flow very smoothly. The way you captured the mother's emotions was executed very well. Overall, the content of this story was very unique and intriguing. Great job. - Hannah Ekelem
ReplyDeleteYou know how picky I am with reading books and stories but this was amazing. The sudden shift from the speaker's backstory to her daughter being pulled out of class honestly had me shocked. The imagery of the government building really highlights the traumatic experiences of the speaker and her daughter. The use of "disguise" to symbolize the speaker's confidence and assertiveness to protect her daughter especially stood out to me. But most importantly, this story connects to the lives of people all around the world who are facing oppressive governments every single day. There are people that are silenced after they are victims of injustice whether it's from their government, a celebrity, an authority figure, or anyone that can be considered the "big guy."
ReplyDeleteDari,this surprised me coming from you because I definitely did not expect this haha! I love the conspiracy vibes you have going on throughout the story and it really did keep me entertained/hooked to keep on reading.- Thank you for sharing, Zoe Corbett
ReplyDeleteYour story was so interesting my eyes were glued until the very end! This almost sounds surreal but at the same time there is a lot of truth in it. The government does try to hide many things from ordinary civilians and although it is easier to spread news now, it is still difficult to know everything the government does. The "false security" you referred can be felt in everyday life and it is quite scary to think about that!
ReplyDeleteThis was so good that made me wish it was a book. It is so well detail and has a non common interesting story line that made me addicted to it.
ReplyDeleteI was really fascinated by how well this story was able to flow together all the way to the end where Tonya Elay finds herself reflecting this devastating situation. I appreciate how you included the element of families being torn apart because the reality is so many families are actually being torn apart and being referred to as 'foreign' can be just as similar as Tonya's daughter, Jaz, being referred to as a "hybrid".
ReplyDeleteI was hooked from the start to the end. The whole story line has me wanting another part to this story.-Katera Perry.
ReplyDeleteThis is an intense story with a very powerful ending. To me, the ending was my favorite part because it depicted the emotional struggle Tonya was going through. The line, "It’s been 2 years since the last time I've seen my daughter." hit especially hard because it is easily imaginable how much it would worry a parent to not see their child for 2 years or know the condition they're in. Good piece!
ReplyDeleteThis story really scared me, it reminded me of the Handmaids Tale because they rounded up all the children. Never did it occur to me that Jaz was taken for being a hybrid alien. I have so many questions, how were they able to abduct mothers? and why create hybrid children? You should create a book series from this.
ReplyDeleteThe plot of your story was really good and it had me glued to the screen to find out what happens next. The ending was also really surprising and I like how you ending the piece with a message at the end about cherishing your family because you never know how long you'll have them for.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very captivating read. This is a very good intro to potentially a movie. I can imagine a sequel about her journey to find her daughter. Very good idea and greatly executed. -Kyler Lovett
ReplyDeleteI was impressed by how well your story was written and how strong the ending was. The whole entry was a nice read and well thought out.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I was surprised to read a 56 year old woman had a 17 year old and a 9 year old, which certainly adds mystery and interest to your story! As you described the incident and the setting, I could form very good pictures of what it would look like and how it would feel. This would definitely be a great plot for a book or movie.
ReplyDeleteWow! This story was excellent and hooked me the entire time. The plot was very creative and unique which made it much more interesting to read. Good Job!!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. The way that this story not only told the event that happened, but also showed the aftermath was very interesting to me. I also loved how this took the idea of "alien abduction" in a different light where aliens were trying to infiltrate through the youth. -Isabella Patterson
ReplyDeleteYou built up the suspension in the beginning in an incredible manner. You did a great job of emphasizing a mother's love for her children and their constant desire and efforts to keep them protected. This conveys a great message of being grateful and cherishing the people in your life.
ReplyDeleteThe writing instantly pulls in the reader to the speaker's point-of-view by retelling events. I love the route you took throughout and it left me wanting more by the end.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery and the story telling was spot on. The part where you described the chase scene was well written. This story is also great and I saw a whole movie in my head while reading it. Great Job
ReplyDeleteWow this was a roller coaster and I enjoyed every second of it. Your use of the words vague, strange, and complex really set the tone for the rest of the plot. The involvement of colors and motion painted a picture that is really dark, confusing, and fast which I think fits perfect for the story!
ReplyDeleteWow this was a roller coaster and I enjoyed every second of it. Your use of the words vague, strange, and complex really set the tone for the rest of the plot. The involvement of colors and motion painted this picture that is really dark, confusing, and fast which I think fits perfect for the story. Excellent job! ;)
ReplyDelete-Madia Wright