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Friday, November 22, 2019

: Beep Beep Beep The Last Talk" by Zoe P



     The monitors chirp their monotonous little song for the hundredth time that day. The first couple days I was in the room, every little beep made me jump a mile high, always made my heart race a million miles per hour. But now, I merely glance at them, reading the numbers that I could recite by heart to this day.
     It was February third, twenty nineteen, with a sharp patter of rain banging on the hospital window that showcased the beauty of the hospital garden, but I could not appreciate it then and I can not appreciate it now, months later. Because, as ironic as it was, the life outside was not inside of my crumbling grandfather’s body, where it should have been. I turn away from the window, not knowing how long I had been staring out of it, thinking about what to say. As I look across the cold room, walls painted a blaring white and the coarse blankets a bland mixture of beige and green, I see him for what seems like the first time in forever. My grandfather was no longer the healthy, bike riding, painting handyman that he used to be a month before the chaos began. With each robotic step I take towards him, I feel the weight of the universe on my frail shoulders, a million thoughts racing in my drowsy head. “What do I say? Will this be the last thing I ever say to him? Is this our last moment alone?”
     The numerous machines and tubed hooked up to my grandfather’s body seemed to beep a little quieter as I began to talk to him. My grandpa opened his eyes, and looked at me with his beautiful blue green eyes, full of love, even when he was barely breathing, and that was all it took. I completely broke down, sobbing my heart out while holding his cold, skeletal hand, with
the hospital bracelet three times bigger than his wrist. I wailed that I was sorry for the things I had done, for the times where I didn’t appreciate everything that he had done for me. “I’m so sorry!” I howled, rocking back and forth like a mad woman. “I’m so sorry for every time I thought more about myself than you, or when I took your kindness for granted! I was a terrible granddaughter to you, and I love you so much! But please...” I pleaded with all my heart “Please, don’t leave me.” And as I was sobbing, my grandfather tried to talk to me, but couldn’t form any words as there were numerous tubes in him. But he knew this, and only mouthed the words that I needed to hear so desperately at the time.
     “I love you.” he said, and I took this one like a sword going through my heart. My grandfather was not a man to talk about his emotions much, and when he said these three words, it always meant the world to me. As I calmed down a bit, I began to reminisce on all of our adventures together, from a simple drive to school on a cold day, coffee in both of our hands, to a trip to Canada where we saw the most magnificent cities and forests. My mind racing like a prize winning horse in a derby race, all my recollections and memories flashed before my eyes as I held his hand.
     While I talked with him, I asked him questions- but they were like empty boxes that could never be filled, and will never be answered. My main question was:​ ​“Why,” I wondered, “Of all the people in the world, all the criminals and ill-natured, why did it have to be one of the most selfless, purehearted people I knew?”
     To this day, I’ll never have the answer of how within two months my grandfather was seemingly healthy to being on his deathbed, and I never will. At first, of course, I was blinded by rage and fits of melancholic depression, cursing the world for my problems. But over the course
of time, I’ve learned and grudgingly accepted that some questions will never be answered and that everything happens for a reason, and that some things are better left unsaid. And while I didn’t want my late grandfather to pass, I can say that through his passing, he’s taught me to remain strong for myself and for my family, to pursue my dreams, work hard, and to fight for what you love with every last breath you have.

33 comments:

  1. Wow Zoe, you really conveyed your emotions across using words, the descriptions and vivid usage of word really highlights your experience and makes it almost like I could see it in front of me. "With each robotic step I take towards him, I feel the weight of the universe on my frail shoulders," This sentence hits especially hard for me, the use of robotic step and universe on your frail shoulders, it's obvious how much emotions you were undergoing at that moment. And the "I love you" really resonated with me, making my heart jump a beat, it was a expected but unpreparable three words that really impacts and with all of this, your thinking of the thoughts of the world and the question is truly one that you would have to find it within yourself, and I pray that one day, you do.

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  2. What an incredible piece! I am so sorry for your loss, the same thought goes through my mind “Of all the people in the world, all the criminals and ill-natured, why.....” The world works in mysterious ways, your grandfather is in a better place now watching over you. :)

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  3. I felt every emotion and the tension while reading this.Your use of diction helped get across the mood of the story,like the words robotic and coarse set a serious and gloomy mood in the beginning paragraphs.- Katera P.

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  4. You are so strong, Zoe. You need to know that... Loss is never easy and it is even harder to put into words. The description of your desperate pleads showed the emotions rushing through you. The string of rhetorical questions represented your wandering consciousness as you searched in vain for answers lacking existence. All my love goes out to you because I know how it feels but you already know that some things are better left unsaid since everything happens for a reason. Much love and keep fighting!

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  5. Amazing job! I was really touched by your story and I enjoyed how you ended it off with a positive mindset. Also great use of descriptive detail! -Halie Montes

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  6. Zoe this story had me crying, the way you described your grandfather with, "beautiful blue green eyes, full of love," to "his cold, skeletal hand, with the hospital bracelet three times bigger than his wrist" this description was pictured perfectly in my mind and I could not help but feel sad. You did an amazing job sharing this story with a huge about of detail, you could immediately tell how much love you have for your grandfather and how his role continues to impact you.
    - Stephanie Cabrera

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  7. Oh Zoe this was beautiful! I know exactly how you're feeling, you're so strong and i just love this. So well written <3

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  8. Zoe, it is evident that you poured your heart into this, and it was beautiful. I can relate to you because my grandma passed away as well. Death is a hard thing to accept, but we will get through this. You are a great and kind person, and you'll do great things in life. :) - Breana Plascencia

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  9. I had so many chills while reading this. You poured your own emotions in every world that was typed and by doing that I the reader was able to get involve into the reading as I was there. I was even able to go back on time to one in my own memory that is in a way similar to this.

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  10. This was such a beautifully written piece! I love how you introduced the story with vivid imagery, and they way you describe your emotions has a strong impact on the reader, making them feel the emotions themselves as if they shared that experience with you. You are so strong for sharing your story.

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  11. Your story was very touching, I began to think of my personal experience with my grandfather asking myself those same thoughts when I was younger. This was an amazing piece, you did a great job with every detail you experienced and I am sorry for your loss.

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  12. You conveyed your emotions so powerfully while also demonstrating the strength and mindset that carried you through this event. I had felt everything from your sadness to your anger. It's difficult to write about such a heavy topic and you have done it beautifully!

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  13. Zoe, this is beautiful and heart warming. This piece I can tell is from your HEART and I love it. This is making me tear up just reading and taking in all the emotions you must have been feeling; heartbreaking. This piece of writing was powerful and it shows just how strong of a person you are!

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  14. Amazing story full of heart breaking emotions. I am extremely close to my grandfather also so i don"t know what i would do without him. You did amazing at provoking emotion into the reader

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  15. This story truly touched me. I felt every emotion that you were trying to convey and I was brought to tears by not only the beauty of your writing but by the love that you and your grandfather so evidently shared. Thank you so much for sharing, you are so strong!- Isabel Quintanilla

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  16. Amazing and beautiful piece that you have written. From the very beginning you've caught readers attention and really transported us in the hospital room. Loss is hard for everyone and you've showed the pain that it brought you, but also that you were able to learn something from your loss. The details you displayed brought great emotion and was a great piece of writing overall.

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  17. Bravo Zoe, I love your writing. I personally connect with this quite well since a couple years ago we had a very similar scare with my grandfather, but luckily he is okay now. I love your use of vocabulary, details, and tone to develop the emotion of the situation. It’s a very intense piece and I love it!!

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  18. This piece was extremely relatable not only to me, but to anyone who has lost a special loved one. You put into words perfectly what grieving and acceptance feels like. This was amazing.

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  19. Zoe, you left me speechless. Your attention to detail and concrete diction made me feel like I was in the room with you, witnessing everything. When describing your emotions, I felt like I was experiencing the feelings myself due to your detailed similes and metaphors. Your emphasis of the contrast between how your grandpa looked in that moment, compared to just two months prior, was absolutely heart wrenching. You are a beautiful and strong girl.

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  20. This piece was absolutely beautiful and filled with so much emotion. I'm so sorry for your loss but your grandfather is always watching over you! -Cassandra Jimenez

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  21. Condolences for your loss, Zoe. The emotions you so explicitly conveyed hit me quite harder than expected just from reading this passage. I applaud you for gathering the strength and courage to be able to write a piece so personally painful. Healing after anger is something not many can accept nowadays, even myself, and I believe your conclusion to this was an amazing way to encompass that idea of growing from grief. Nonetheless, beautifully written.

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  22. The strength you exhume from your experience with your grandfather's death is very admirable. But what I think is also admirable is the fact that you allowed for your heart to feel what it was meant to feel, that of pain, hurt, loss, and regret. While it didn't feel like such when you were going through it, it truly seems to be more consequential than accepting loss. Rather actual and genuine growth from within to cherish everything as if they are not guaranteed. I love how you put so much thought and emotion into this piece and I seriously commend you for sharing such a personal story. I'd love to hear more.

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  23. Zoe your story has touched my heart. It was beautifully written with all of the vivid imagery and emotions that you put into writing this. The way you overcome this adversity was so strong of you. You did an amazing job on your overall story! Stay strong!

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  24. This piece is so powerful. The way you wanted to let your grandfather know that you were grateful for all the things he had done had me tearing up. It also reminded me of what it was like to lose my own. Sorry for your loss, but very well done.

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  25. This was such an amazing story full of emotions. I could feel it all while reading! I really love how you ended the story on such a positive note. So beautifully written! - Jadyn Young

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  26. This was a great story that was filled with detailed emotions. I've always told myself "you never know how much you love someone until you lose them" and that has really stuck with me after the lose of my grandfather too. Great job and way to stay strong

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  27. Zoe, this piece was endearing and heartwarming to read and lead me to question if I spend enough time with my grandparents, and to start to appreciate them more, so thank you.

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  28. This was incredible, every detail you gave, it was almost as if I was in that room. I admire your for so many reasons but I am so proud of you and you are such an amazing writer. thank you for sharing because I know how hard this must have been for you. You are one of the strongest people I know and this was just a beautiful piece.

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  29. This was a very emotional piece, the detail created strong emotions and passion throughout the piece. I am sorry for your loss, amazing work and I am sure your grandfather is in a better place now. Keep it up! - Jaeyeon Romero

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  30. The way you expressed your emotions through your writing was amazing. I loved how you showed your strength and emotions as of result of your heartbreak. You can tell this piece is very genuine, and that’s what makes it so powerful. - Hannah Ekelem

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  31. Your writing style is very eloquent and well-written. Your story is also very relatable and I can empathise with your loss. The way you reveal your emotions and the feeling of sitting by a hospital bed truly brings back memories and your coming to terms is a true testament to the person you are.

    -Rebecca Clinton

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  32. You told your story beautifully, Zoe. I’m so sorry for your loss, but it seems that you have let this shape you into the woman you are now; what you learned from this is inspiring, and I’m glad you could share it with us. Your imagery and description helped paint a picture in my mind, thank you for writing about this. - Eddie Yanez

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  33. Wow! Zoe, I am so sorry for your loss. I was truly touched by your piece and thank you for sharing! I do love how it seems you are so much stronger because of this. Your descriptive words- I could feel every emotion while reading this. Beautiful job!

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