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Wednesday, October 23, 2019

"What is Love?" by Breanne H


     9What is love? From a young age, the only love I knew was from my parents, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my family. As I got older, movies and TV shows started to mold my idea of romance, giving me impractical expectations of how a relationship should be. Now, having been through the worst and the best, my definition of love has changed. I used to believe that when someone says “I love you” it didn’t matter how they acted, it was what they said that matters. They love me, so they won’t do anything to hurt me, I thought, but I was wrong. Within this one relationship, I realized everything I didn’t want, everything I didn’t need. The meaning of love isn’t just how you feel or what you say, it’s how you express it. Communication, trust, loyalty, staying by your partner’s side through the worst times and celebrating the best, making each other better, this is what true love is. If your partner can’t give you their time, their unconditional love, was it real? 

     Sophomore year I had my first relationship. It was one of the most stressful things in my life, but since I wasn’t experienced, I thought it was normal. When we first started out, it seemed somewhat normal, texting everyday and facetiming when we could. After a few weeks, everything went downhill. My friends were texting and calling me, sending me screenshots of my partner cheating on me. I go to confront my ex, and all she said was “I love you, I would never do any of those things to you, it’s not true”. We had been through some drama already and I know her family situation wasn’t the best at the time, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. At this point, the relationship was already toxic, but it got worse. There were months where I wouldn’t hear from her because her phone was “taken” and be blatantly lied to throughout the entire relationship.   Although these were clear red flags, I still hadn’t learned my lesson until I found out she was messing with another girl again. That was when I cut everything off. I said my goodbyes and left it at that. I spent days thinking to myself everything that I should have noticed from the beginning that would have kept me from staying in the relationship, but I was too
blinded by what she said that I didn’t. After this whole experience, I started to have trust issues and shielded my heart from being too involved again. However, that didn’t happen. 

     My next relationship taught me the true meaning of love. We were long distance which was more challenging than a typical couple, but we made it work. We started off as friends, getting to know each other and talking as if I had known her my entire life. She was the person I could tell anything to and we would just sit and chat for hours about anything. After six months straight of talking on facetime, my feelings had grown into something more. It took me a while to express how I felt because I was scared of being rejected. So, instead of telling her directly, I asked her if she had a crush, a question she was hesitant to answer. Then she turned it on me and asked the same question for which I was hesitant to answer. It took three days of playing twenty-one questions for both of us to finally admit our feelings to each other. I remember the day so vividly, my heart was racing, palms were sweating, and I was hiding under my blanket with a big smile on my face when we both came clean. This was something I had never felt in my past relationship, and it felt great. As our love for each other grew, I started to recognize how a relationship really should be and how it feels when a person means “I love you” and does their best to show it everyday. We have had our ups and downs with each other, but we never gave up. We always talked it through and continued to grow individually and as a couple.  We’ve seen the worst and best moments of each other, made time for us to talk even when we were busy, and always had the best interests at heart for one another. She is the reason my definition of love has changed. 

     Although I am not in that relationship anymore, I learned a lot. I realized my worth and know I didn’t deserve what I got from my first dating experience. When their actions don’t match their words, it’s clear they really don’t care, let alone love. Love is something that is a combination of learning from experience, while still holding on to your personal beliefs as to
what a relationship should be. With each person you are with, it is a whole new journey different from the last, allowing for growth as an individual. I am still young, learning from my mistakes and as I continue to mature, my definition of love will evolve, having more depth each time I come face to face with it.

15 comments:

  1. When everyone starts out young, the only love they feel is from around them. In reality, Love changed good or bad but it does shape the person we have become today. Your meaning of love is described beautifully in this story. Love was a big part of your relationship and made you the person you are today!
    By: Rumjeet Pandher

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  2. I really enjoyed your story and the way in which you recounted your past relationships while continually relating it back to the main topic of what love should really be. I completely agree that love is based off of how you act not what you say. It's like the classic saying that actions speak louder than words. People are always going to lie to you and say what you want to hear just so that they can get what they want but their true colors really come out through their actions.

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  3. I can relate to this so much. Maybe its because I'm fascinated with the subject of love, but you really captured my attention with your own personal experiences added in. We really are all still growing especially in the subject of love. Experiences change who you are as a person sometimes for the good, others for the bad. All we can do is keep a positive outlook on the subject. Thanks for sharing, I truly enjoyed it :)

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  4. I admire you for being able to open up about your personal life in order for us to understand why you have this perception about love. The points you made about being an individual as well as a couple are vital in developing a healthy relationship. I like that you were able to recognize your growth from each experience. -Lauren W

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  5. Your entry is such a powerful one because it shows both sides of what love really is. It really shows that its not the lover that hurts you, its the lover. I also like how you incorporated the lesson that you have learned that if their actions does not match their words they don care. That lesson is so important because it helps us avoid getting hurt. Thank you for sharing your experience. - Leigh Rubillar

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  6. I thought it was amazing how you went through the different mindsets you had and how they developed when you got older and learned more. I thought it took a lot of courage to speak about your personal experiences and how they affected you. Great Job!!! - Aleeyah Staten

    November 5, 2019 at 2:18 PM

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  7. wow your story really shows how love can be distorted but it can also be pure. your writing expresses how far you've come and all that you have learned over the years. your definition of love is a powerful one and is realized through experience. your story was good and allowed for introspection. great job!- kayla j

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  8. I agree with your definition of love. Love is something that should take dedication and not when it is just convenient. People who take love when it is convenient don’t deserve it at all. The way you expressed your personal experiences so vividly was beautiful and it resonated with me. That was very brave of you and I respect that.
    -Cedrick Martinez

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  9. I admire how you openly discussed your heartbreak. You showed how devastating it felt but how it taught you what you should and shouldn’t be tolerant of. However, you showed how in your following relationship you felt growth and your perception of love had changed. You demonstrated how although it ended you could see the difference in the way that you were treated and it made you a better person because of it. — Sesha Real

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  10. It shows your courage to be able to open up about your personal life and sharing your backstory about the evolution of your definition of the word "love." I really like the contrasting plots between your two relationships and how you reflected on the lessons you learned from a bad experience. The part where you talked about shielding your heart from being too involved because of your experience is very relatable to many people our age, but I'm glad you never gave up on finding love because when true love is found, it will be completely worth the wait.

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  11. It shows your courage to be able to open up about your personal life and sharing your backstory about the evolution of your definition of the word "love." I really like the contrasting plots between your two relationships and how you reflected on the lessons you learned from a bad experience. The part where you talked about shielding your heart from being too involved because of your experience is very relatable to many people our age, but I'm glad you never gave up on finding love because when true love is found, it will be completely worth the wait.

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  12. I relate this so much, the appreciation of love now-adays is very different that what it was a few years ago.

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  13. I love how you are able to separate the meaning of love by the way people express love to you, and that they can say it but not always mean it. Those three little words, I love you, mean a lot more to someone who has been waiting to hear them for a long time rather than someone who has no want for them or could care less. I can personally relate to your experience, and it is heartbreaking that these things happen so often today and it goes unnoticed, and then there's those other relationships that make your heart flutter and its a great learning experience even if they don't last, and you cherish them a lot more when both people are giving 100%.

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  14. In my opinion I think as though everyone has a different experience with love. As a writer you expressed what you think love should be and compared both past relationships. The details you incorporated throughout your piece made it easy to point the indifferences the two relationships had, you were able to give advice through your experience and apply it to what you now think love should be. I too agree with your perception of love, that it is a learning experience as well as making us grow as an individual. -Ariel Gutierrez

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  15. You are very brave for sharing a couple of personal examples from your past. I am happy that you are doing better, you are right, love can be challenging, but it'll help you grow as a person as well. - Breana P.

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