"What is Love?" by Breanne H

     9What is love? From a young age, the only love I knew was from my parents, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my family. As I got older, movies and TV shows started to mold my idea of romance, giving me impractical expectations of how a relationship should be. Now, having been through the worst and the best, my definition of love has changed. I used to believe that when someone says “I love you” it didn’t matter how they acted, it was what they said that matters. They love me, so they won’t do anything to hurt me, I thought, but I was wrong. Within this one relationship, I realized everything I didn’t want, everything I didn’t need. The meaning of love isn’t just how you feel or what you say, it’s how you express it. Communication, trust, loyalty, staying by your partner’s side through the worst times and celebrating the best, making each other better, this is what true love is. If your partner can’t give you their time, their unconditional love, was it real? 

     Sophomore year I had my first relationship. It was one of the most stressful things in my life, but since I wasn’t experienced, I thought it was normal. When we first started out, it seemed somewhat normal, texting everyday and facetiming when we could. After a few weeks, everything went downhill. My friends were texting and calling me, sending me screenshots of my partner cheating on me. I go to confront my ex, and all she said was “I love you, I would never do any of those things to you, it’s not true”. We had been through some drama already and I know her family situation wasn’t the best at the time, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. At this point, the relationship was already toxic, but it got worse. There were months where I wouldn’t hear from her because her phone was “taken” and be blatantly lied to throughout the entire relationship.   Although these were clear red flags, I still hadn’t learned my lesson until I found out she was messing with another girl again. That was when I cut everything off. I said my goodbyes and left it at that. I spent days thinking to myself everything that I should have noticed from the beginning that would have kept me from staying in the relationship, but I was too

blinded by what she said that I didn’t. After this whole experience, I started to have trust issues and shielded my heart from being too involved again. However, that didn’t happen. 

     My next relationship taught me the true meaning of love. We were long distance which was more challenging than a typical couple, but we made it work. We started off as friends, getting to know each other and talking as if I had known her my entire life. She was the person I could tell anything to and we would just sit and chat for hours about anything. After six months straight of talking on facetime, my feelings had grown into something more. It took me a while to express how I felt because I was scared of being rejected. So, instead of telling her directly, I asked her if she had a crush, a question she was hesitant to answer. Then she turned it on me and asked the same question for which I was hesitant to answer. It took three days of playing twenty-one questions for both of us to finally admit our feelings to each other. I remember the day so vividly, my heart was racing, palms were sweating, and I was hiding under my blanket with a big smile on my face when we both came clean. This was something I had never felt in my past relationship, and it felt great. As our love for each other grew, I started to recognize how a relationship really should be and how it feels when a person means “I love you” and does their best to show it everyday. We have had our ups and downs with each other, but we never gave up. We always talked it through and continued to grow individually and as a couple.  We’ve seen the worst and best moments of each other, made time for us to talk even when we were busy, and always had the best interests at heart for one another. She is the reason my definition of love has changed. 

     Although I am not in that relationship anymore, I learned a lot. I realized my worth and know I didn’t deserve what I got from my first dating experience. When their actions don’t match their words, it’s clear they really don’t care, let alone love. Love is something that is a combination of learning from experience, while still holding on to your personal beliefs as to

what a relationship should be. With each person you are with, it is a whole new journey different from the last, allowing for growth as an individual. I am still young, learning from my mistakes and as I continue to mature, my definition of love will evolve, having more depth each time I come face to face with it.