The pilot welcomed everyone that was boarding the plane.
“Welcome aboard”
It was a normal day. Good flying weather and a nice and easy flight from Los Angeles International Airport to the Chicago O'Hare International Airport... at least that’s what the pilot thought.
The passengers boarded and took their seats. The sound of the engines warming up in the background. The clicking of people closing the overhead bins. All was calm, possibly too calm.
Once everyone boarded, the flight attendant began their routine safety announcements and demonstrations. “Ladies & Gentlemen! The safety instruction card is in the pocket of the seat in front of you. It shows you the equipment carried on this aircraft for your safety. A life jacket is in the pocket under your seat. To put it on, place it over your head. Clip on the waistband and pull it tight. An evacuation slide and life raft is at each door. Additional emergency exits are shown on the leaflet. In case of emergency, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. Please pull the mask down toward your face and place the mask over your mouth and nose. If you are traveling with a child, please attend to yourself first, then the child. Breathe normally, adjust the headband to suit yourself.”
The attendants walked down the aisles and checked everyone’s seatbelts. The plane began to back out and rolled towards the runway. It got to the end of the runway and began its acceleration, pushing the passengers back into their seats. The plane lifted off the ground and made its way towards the Chicago Airport. After 30 minutes, the plane reached its peak and the people were free to unbuckle their seatbelts and use the restroom. Everything was normal.. for now. Chatter was heard throughout the plane. There a faint sound of a baby crying in the distance, it seemed so far away. All of a sudden the plane jerked and all the people fell quiet. Another jerk. Everyone sat in silence and waited for the flight crew to give their word. A few seconds passed by and finally the pilot turned on the seatbelt light and the flight crew said through the intercom “Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. There is some slight turbulence. Please take your seats and keep your seat belts fastened. Thank you.” The plane suddenly dropped for some feet. Everyone began to look around in panic. This was for sure not something normal. There was a loud crack and a baby began to cry. Could it be a thunderstorm? The passengers looked outside to see if there was anything abnormal, but nothing could be seen due to the thick clouds. A younger passenger, between the age of 8 and 10 kept staring out the window, trying to see if there was anything wrong with the plane wing. There was a sudden opening in the cloud and he was able to see a dark gash on the wing. What could possibly make that big of a laceration?
Another dip. This time it lasted a lot longer and lifted people off of their seats. There was more chattering, this time of panic and nervousness. Suddenly the plane jerked horizontally, as if something were pulling it to the side. Nothing seemed to move, there was no noise other than the plane engines. It was too calm. Something bad was bound to happen. Minutes passed and nothing happened, people began to relax and believe that everything was good. All of a sudden the plane dropped once again, almost completely vertically. Screams were heard and the oxygen masks dropped from the compartments above. The lights throughout were flickering and everything was shifting downwards. A teenager that wasn’t wearing his seatbelt gripped onto the front seat as hard as possible. The plane evened out a bit but was still falling, the clouds were no longer blocking the visibility but the ground, a patch of green, got increasingly bigger by the second. The pilot warned the people of an emergency crash landing. Everyone gasped and prepared for the crash. Everything went black and only a ringing in the ear could be heard. Some people finally came to their senses and looked around, helping those that seemed injured or those that needed help taking off their jammed seat belts. A mother, was desperately looking for her son, who was nowhere
in sight. She walked up and down the aisle screaming her sons name. Where could he possibly be? Was
he dead? Nothing. People wandered outside and looked around, stranded on a foreign land. How was this
possible? What seemed like a regular flight took a turn and now was a case of survival on a foreign land.
Wow this story really put me on the edge of my seat. I've never flown in a plane before, and I never use to be scared to fly, but this story really put the thought that "anything could happen" in my head. Great job on the descriptive details!
ReplyDeleteSamantha Ehrlich Period 1
Great story! Haven't been on a plane in a long time and this definitely makes me nervous to get on one this summer. Intense story!
ReplyDeleteWow! This is an amazing rendition of something we've all thought of at least once. The way you wrote this story made it so much more believable and plausible compared to Hollywood's version. I really enjoyed reading this, especially since the smooth transitions made it flow well. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis story had me on the edge of my seat. I love how you set up the scene in the beginning. Your use of imagery made it so realistic. The fact that you didn't focus on one particular character enabled me to see the scene as a whole. When it came to the mother, I was able to see her and place myself with her; it's just like how in a movie when the camera zooms in. This was such an amazing and well-written story!
ReplyDeleteThis was so entertaining and very interesting! I enjoyed how different your thoughts were on a situation that I think everyone fears of when getting on a plane. I really enjoyed how suspenseful and exciting this was! Great job ELiu!
ReplyDeleteEliu,The suspense was gripping! I like how you smoothly built up each event by starting from something calm and routine and ultimately devised the climax of the whole story.I like how precise you were in describing the flight attendant routine in the beginning, it was shockingly on point. Your descriptions from what was happening inside the plane and what can be seen outside are very well detailed because I can picture this situation vividly. Great work!!
ReplyDeleteGood job on your piece Eliu, throughout the beginning I could visualize the very same procedure. Then by adding the whole thing about it being too calm I could see it foreshadowing something bad. So when the one character saw the wing with gash marks that when it became more suspenseful wondering how they would survive.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, such great imagery! This was a great story. A plane crash has always been a big fear of mine. The fact that you described it so vividly is surprising strange. Sounded like it happened to you personally. I wouldn't wish that scare upon anyone. You did a fantastic job at telling this story. Definitely scared me.
ReplyDeleteI was on the edge of my seat!! This is so good I want to know what happened and how it happened. There are such smooth transitions and I wish I knew more!!
ReplyDeleteAhhh ! Oh my goodness ! This is amazing ! Your use of imagery was so spot on, I was able to picture myself in the airplane and experiencing the drops just as the passengers were! It was so vivid... The ending was just as vivi as the rising action and climax, with the mother looking for her son and the passengers' sigh of relief/quick acts of assistance for other. I also loved your hints of foreshadowing in the earlier sentences of this piece. When I read, "...or at least thats what the pilot thought"... I knew some mess was about to go down (pun not intended).
ReplyDelete-Imani Crenshaw, per. 2
WOW, i am totally speechless. I love the way you describe everything in details, which made me imagine the situation very well. This story taught me how life can be at the edge so quickly and it always gives us that last chance to live but we don't live it until we face the reality. I really enjoyed reading this, also i like your writing skills. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece made me feel like I was in the plane. The detail and imagery used kept my eyes glued to the screen. Overall great job on this serious story!
ReplyDelete-Joseph Madere Period 1
Very intense and suspenseful. Being on a plane has always given me anxiety because I don’t particularly enjoy turbulence. This did not make it any better but great description. I’d like to see a sequel of what happens to the people.
ReplyDeleteThe suspense and foreshadowing was brilliant, you did such a great job with this piece, the only time I have ever been on a plane was when I was eight and believe me you nearly brought my biggest fear to life. Amazing piece!
ReplyDeleteSara Perez
Pd. 5
My first plane ride was just this spring break! I can't imagine myself in such a situation with chaos left and right. The addition of the flight attendants routine was spot on and is amazing foreshadowing due to the reassurance of safety precautions. The visuals and narration made this story come alive! I will definitely be more observant on my next flight. Great job!
ReplyDeleteStraight from the start this story caught my attention. I commend you because it was very well written and definitely keeps the audience attached. It felt as if I was on the plane and I could envision the whole situation because of how descriptive you were. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece definitely feels like the prologue to a much bigger story, and if that's the case, I urge you to continue. I'd hope you would go into more detail and center the attention to one or two characters, rather than the general scene. Otherwise, you did a pretty good job! Even the description of the liftoff procedure really added to the realism of the story.
ReplyDeleteEliu, this story was so suspenseful and the thing that I loved about it so much is that it is completely realistic and plausible. I've personally dealt with really bad turbulence which also caused chaos amongst the passengers of the flight and it was not a favorable situation. I loved the imagery you used throughout the story; for example, "The lights throughout were flickering and everything was shifting downwards." I can really imagine this happening in a plane. The ending also left me wanting more. Will there be a sequel? Great work Eliu!
ReplyDeleteThis was great to read! Your story was simple yet so intense all the way to the end. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat work Eliu, I really enjoyed reading your piece due to the way you choose your words made it feel even more real as if someone was recounting an event that actually occurred in real life. I hope that you write a sequel I would love to know more about the mysterious foreign land!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your price of writing. Your story was very suspenseful and had me entrigued from the very beginning, especially when the speaker states “all was calm, possibly too calm” and foreshadows something abnormal happening. Personally, I have never been on a airplane and the whole thought of turbulence scares me to death, so I couldn’t even imagine how I would react on this flight in your story.
ReplyDeletevery interesting concept and suspense build-up. I like the way that you ended the story. It kinda of makes the reader decide for themselves what might happen next in order to survive on the island.
ReplyDeleteJeremiah Credo P1
Wow. This story had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. The foreshadowing in the beginning alluded that something was to happen, and I was just waiting for the twist. This was really well written, from the routine safety information, to the jolting turbulence and the terrified passengers. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI've been an anxious flyer ever since my first flight. I've been handling it way better now compared to when I was younger. The chance of having a flight disaster is quite low, but not impossible. The imagery you used throughout the text was stress inducing, yet captivating at the same time. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the constant build up of suspense in this one. This whole situation reminds me of a Netflix show I watched before and it reminded me of how the flight went wrong. Great work.
ReplyDeleteBro, I enjoyed this story a little to much to be honest. Riding on this nostalgia train because I can't seem to remember the last time I've went somewhere on a plane. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteEliu this was absolutely amazing. As soon as I started reading I immediately got hooked. The story was so suspenseful and I absolutely loved it.
ReplyDelete-Steve Martinez P.1
I myself take frequent trips on airplanes to visit family during the summer and the thought has crossed my mind about what would happen if there is a problem during flights. Thankfully the most excitement I get is the occasional turbulence every now and again. I wouldn't know what I'd do if there was an actual crash, but I think your story really captures what could possibly come to mind for a passenger on the plane and the fear that would consume most people involved in an accident. It was a wonderful read and I hope that the people in the story made it out okay.
ReplyDelete- Justin Presto (Per.1)
this was engaging and sounded very realistic, it had a really great gradual build up before you dropped the big twist on us of the teenager being lost, this was highly well written and entertaining.
ReplyDeletei am simply at a loss for words as i read this Eli u. wow. you have literally and simply outdone yourself this time. Splendid job Eli u. i am still in awe at what i have just read.Your foreshadowing techniques and other stylistic devices really shows off how great a writer you truly are.
ReplyDelete