Each day holds challenges. Some fight for their lives, imprisoned within their own world. It was years ago, I distinctly remember when the sadness of a child’s eyes could not escape. A precious, innocent boy filled with potential fought but could not overcome the barriers. His soft voice forever engraved in my memory.
“Hold my hand tonight.” so I did.
“When can I come home?” unanswered.
“Will I ever be okay?” no reply.
Never imagined that one day his lifeless hand will no longer intertwine with mine. The questions asked remained without answers. Life continued and his challenge had ended. Anger and sadness streamed down my face as I was not able to endure such pain, nothing made sense, yet I did not ask why. I knew that the questions would be ignored as well.
These memories never spoken, I cling to. For comfort, for faith, they formed a story of which created my character. From the beginning of my understanding all I can recall was the aura of a cold hospital; with unforgiving floors that would grasp your ankles and try to weigh down those who dared walk in. These floors did not scare me, I was all too familiar with the weight. Walking in was not the issue, it was the door. This door was a separation of normality and the hell of not only an angelic boy, but of countless other children without a voice. It was a disease to say the least and it manifested into souls.
Growing up too fast was pushed to the sideline. Enjoying youth meant understand how life was going to play out no matter if it was fair or not. There I was at such a young age watching helplessly at the children in pain. Forcing myself to comprehend how their footsteps must feel. They must feel tortured. They do not deserve torture. Holding my tongue from sorrowful comments because we all know there would only be sympathetic shrugs to give instead of needed reassurance.
“Let’s watch a movie please? I’ll feel better if we do” I knew he would ask when I walked in. I slipped in the dvd to start a Disney marathon and there we laid in silence, without a word enjoying each other’s company while it lasted. Flashbacks like this are frequent, at times I tell myself it’s okay to remember them. Other times I restrain the memories because though sadness builds up, I know he ached. Calloused hands, peeled skin, thin strands of hair left behind we all knew would eventually fall due to radiation. The children there only had their mind to imagine a world beyond.
The night he reached heaven's gate was a dream. A literal dream as well, untold but appreciated nonetheless. I find myself in the hospital roaming as I’ve done millions of laps before and there he is. The precious boy awaits but for some odd reason it is completely quiet. There is no need for speaking so he waves to me. By his side, we smile and hug and my dream ends abruptly. My last memory with him.
Morning had arrived and the dream informed me that it was a day to keep in my heart. Lots of prayer contributed to the beginning of that day as well as the positivity I managed to have. The dream itself was all I needed to go off of to give me strength for that day. I was getting ready for another day of freezing hell and somehow I sensed that it wouldn’t be so bad. But what I saw when entering I was not prepared for.
A room full of tears, an unresponsive monitor, and the sweet face of a boy with his eyes closed.
Words were unnecessary so everyone was quiet. The hardships faced in life were no comparison to the suffering of his battle. Their battle. The many children are not heard. The many do not have a hand to hold. The many are in silence fighting for an unfair world. Their strength is all what fill what words can not. It is the faith in hell which keep the children alive. They hold onto the pages of their stories hoping they’ll flip and not crumble. It is the words unspoken that are replaced with hope. Hope of escaping the barricades and go beyond, to paradise.
Mark Viveros
2000-2012
http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary-print.aspx?n=Mark-Viveros&lc=2393&pid=157501207&mid=5095409
First, I want to express my condolences for your loss. Sharing something very personal to others takes lots of courage. This piece was beautifully written as you thoroughly depicted your thoughts and emotions through imagery by describing those specific moments in which you have given readers a look into what this experience was like for you.
ReplyDeleteNo one, especially at such a young age, has to go through what you went through. Strength is what drives one to keep on fighting and faith is what keeps you standing. Those two things is what you need to help you go through the dark, uncertain times
ReplyDeleteDeAndre Siringoringo P.1
I just want to say im so sorry for your loss. This piece literally brought me to tears it was so good and well written. I admire you so much for telling a story so personal and so heartbreaking. I think you're incredibly strong for writing this piece and letting your peers know the experiences you went through and how painful it was. Im very grateful to have read your story and I hope you continue to have strength and hope. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteMare I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. As I read your piece, I could feel the weight of your experience, the hurt but also the knowledge you gained and learned. Your ability to express such an intimate and personal story so artfully is truly amazing, and I commend you one hundred times over for that.
ReplyDeleteThis was such an emotional piece and I felt as if my heart was breaking while reading this. I'm sorry that you had to experience this tragedy, but I'm sure it has shaped you to be the person you are today. Through your writing, I felt the genuine horror of your thoughts within the hospital and the hurt you had to endure as you were forced to witness the dreariness of the children who were ill. Hope really is the only thing that they can hold on to, and happiness will come someday.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss beautiful. I can't even imagine how difficult this moment in your life must have been but your writing gave me a little insight and it was nicely expressed. I noticed the lack of dialogue throughout your piece and it made me relate to the difficulty of expressing sentiments during hard times and just wanting a presence.
ReplyDeleteI found this piece haunting like I was reading a story from a ghost. It really helped get the depressed emotions across. I know if I had to go through this with my brother I wouldn't be able to survive it. I'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteWow! My heart hurts for you. I know the feeling of losing someone so special to you, to such a terrible disease. I'm so sorry! I felt your pain throughout your piece. You did such a great job expressing what had been going on and what had occurred.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautifully written and thank you for sharing this experience. You did good by being there for him and you should be very proud for that. You had me in tears as I read this imagining having one of my brothers go through this. You touched my heart. Excellent piece stay strong!
ReplyDeletefor someone to share this kind of story it takes a kind a power that most people don't have and you writing this wonderful piece of work shows how strong you are as a person and as a whole, but thank you for sharing it, very well written and emotional.
ReplyDeleteI had to read this touching piece very slowly to take it all in and feel every heartbreaking word; it had me entranced. All of the imagery and figurative language you used were definitely effective in bringing tears to my eyes. You conveyed your memories, thoughts, and emotions so clearly. I can't begin to imagine how it must have felt to lose someone you loved so dearly. May he rest in peace and paradise.
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