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Monday, April 10, 2017

"Where did your other eyebrow go?" by Bailey R



“Where did your other eyebrow go? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

Adelaide climbed in through the window shaking her head.  She zipped up her jacket and rushed out the words, “hurry up, we gotta go. Now.”

Rowan looked up in disbelief. “Seriously? First off, you know you don’t have to break into our house. It’s literally our house. Second, why would you crawl through my window? Your bedroom is right next-door!”

“blah blah blah… okay I hear ya lets go” She says completely ignoring her brother.

“Who What When Where and why?” He asks quickly, still unsure of what is going on.

“It doesn’t matter I just need you to drive. Come on lets go.” Adelaide begins pushing Rowan from behind closer towards the window. The keys are spotted on the nightstand and she grabs them shoving them into her pockets.

“Ade is 11:09, on a school night an-”

“And nothing. Ill explain once were on the road. Trust me it will all be worth it ”

They both climb out the window. Rowan stands arms folded and his face utterly unamused.  The window is shut and the screen lie on the floor.  He slowly looks at the screen and then back up to his sister nudging his head as if to say “fix it”.

“No… Rowan”, she whines “pleaseeeeeee you know I can’t put those things back on. It’ll take me an hour and we don’t have the time”

“Oh no that’s not how it works. You dragged me out of my room only after first breaking into it. You removed the screen. And you know that if dad sees this not on the window where it belongs he’ll freak. This is your responsibility”

She starts to fiddle with the screen visibly struggling.  Rowan has been looking down at his watch counting how long this whole ordeal would take her.  He starts tapping his foot at one minute, forty-seven seconds and by three minutes and eight seconds he’s ripping the screen out of her hands and placing it back into its proper spot in under nine seconds.

“Awe well thanks kid. I knew you’d save the day, or should I say night because technically its 11:16”

“Shut up Ade, just get in the car”

She presses the unlock button on the car remote and then tosses him the keys. They climb in, Rowan turns on the headlights and Adelaide the radio, and they are off. She doesn’t tell him where they are going, only where to turn. He goes along with it because he knows better than to ask.

“You know you wouldn’t need me to drive you if you didn’t ditch class thirteen times too many. You’d still have your driving privileges.”

She hums in response rolling down the windows and takes in the night. 

“Oh left and… stop!”

Rowan knew exactly where they were. “Winifred’s waffle house?”

Ade grabbed his hand and all that could be heard was the gravel under their feet as they reached the door.

She grabs his wrist, looks at his watch and counts down “Three, two… oh wait um so yea see I having a bit of a time gap here so I’m gonna just talk for a while until you notice or something like that.”

“Ade what are you on abou-”

“Shut up! Three. Two. One.” Adelaide excitedly opens the front door to an empty Winifred’s and drags Rowan in with her. Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing is blasting through the restaurants speakers. They sit in their favorite booth and are greeted with giant waffles covered in whipped cream and topped with rainbow sprinkles.

12:00 am.

“It’s our birthday!” She exclaims. “Happy 18th loser. I love you more than every thing in this world.” There is a smile on Rowans face and he opens his mouth to speak and before words can come out he hears “except from these waffles ‘cause you know I’m a sucker for rainbow sprinkles”

Rowan slightly giggles saying “I know you do kiddo. Happy 18th

He looks up at her about to say “I love you Ade”, but stops once he sees her face.
           
“Wait. So what did happen to your eyebrow?”

26 comments:

  1. You did a great job on your story! The relationship between these two characters reminds me of the relationship I have with my brother! You used a lot of detail within the conversation between the siblings which brought your story to life and make it very enjoyable to read. I also really like how you made the difference in personality between the two characters evident in their dialogue. Great job!

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  2. I really loved this story. The dialogue flowed well and created a pretty natural scene; it felt like I was reading an excerpt from a novel or watching a movie. The chemistry between the twins was a huge driving factor that made your piece come together nicely. Nice job!

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  3. This is a well written and entertaining story. I love the dialogue between the siblings and how it is normal for siblings to be teasing and joking with each other. It seemed they get along well even though they gave each other a hard time a little. The title of the story caught my attention and I enjoyed reading it.

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  4. Great job on the story. I like how you made the sister seem to be the reckless child and the brother is the "goody-two-shoes" type of guy. Throughout the story I wasn't expecting the story to end the way it did, you ended it in a great twist.

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  5. Bailey, I loved your story because of how you portrayed the relationships between siblings. As you portrayed in your story siblings can be annoying and irritating, but no matter what you always have each other's backs and love them. This makes me think of the friendship that I have with my brothers, and reminds me how grateful I am to have them.Amazing job on your piece!

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  6. This story was super fun! I love how you started out the story with "where did your other eyebrow go?" It was a great hook and it made me want to keep reading to find out what happened to her other eyebrow. But as I was reading I forgot about it just like the character did and at the end I was like OH YEAH! Very awesome read, it was very relateable for people who have siblings, great job!

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  7. This story was very entertaining and I liked that you went right into the plot without much exposition. Also, the use of a starting hook made the reader want to read on to see what the title meant. The attention to detail and
    organization of the piece really aided in the effectiveness of the story. Great job!

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  8. Awwee Bailey, this was such a cute story! I found it funny how you made us go through the journey and the ending still left everyone wondering about what happened to her eyebrow. I actually said "aweee" out loud when I found out why they were sneaking out. Overall, I really liked how you used very detailed imagery to capture the moment and make me feel like I'm actually there with the characters.

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  9. I enjoyed how the story was almost purely dialogue between the characters, but you also added enough detail and imagery for the reader to know and understand what's happening. I was kind of bummed at the fact that we never knew what happened to her eyebrow, but also understood that the mystery is part of the story. Also, the fact that it was for their birthday was a pretty nice touch and twist. Great job!

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  10. I really enjoyed this piece, not only because of how well written it was but also because I like the relationship between the two siblings. At first I thought she was in some kind of trouble and he was okay with helping her but then the plot shifts. Overall, I love the journey in this short story, good job!

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  11. I think you did a really good job on your story! I enjoyed the imagery you provided in this short story. The journey to find out what happened was a great touch. The title was a great touch and even a laugh. Great job on this!

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  12. This piece is really entertaining, the feeling of uncertainty in the beginning and the lighthearted moment in the end is lovely and executed perfectly. I enjoyed the dialogue used in this short story because it really captures how a brother and sister talk to each other. Overall, it's a great short story!

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  13. I have to give you props for writing this because its almost as if it was out of a book. The story was short and simple but still entertaining. Normally, some dialogue in these kind of stories seems forced and unnatural but the flow of you writing was really well written. I also enjoyed how you made a joke out of the eyebrow thing. overall really good writing.

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  14. This short story was truly captivating and intriguing. The dialogue and the storyline is very comical and I was entertained throughout the whole piece. I loved the relationship between the characters because it reminded me a lot of my own relationship with my siblings. This was a very well written story, Great Job!

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  15. This story was very entertaining to read. I love the dynamic between the twin brother and sister and I also love how you never got to know how her eyebrow disappeared. Great story!

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  16. I like how casual and close this story was to read, which the dialogue between the two makes. The unrelated question of where did your eyebrow go was just another addition to the comedy, which makes for a good story.

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  17. The way you began the piece was a very smart way to hook the reader, because it's not everyday that you lose an eyebrow! The characterization in this made it what it was. The connection between the characters made it flow very well and it also demonstrated that you put a lot of care into developing these characters, great job!

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  18. This story was really funny and enjoyable. I like the way the story starts in the middle of the action and how it shows the relationship that these twins have. Through the dialogue one can see the contrast in personalities between these twins, but also their love and care for each other. I feel that this story can relate to anyone that has siblings and actually along with. I also like the way how the story opened with a weird question and ended with the same question. Overall, it was a really nice and funny story about siblings.

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  19. Your story was really great to read. The entire time I wanted to find out about the eyebrow but you left the audience hanging which makes this piece unique. The story demonstrates the spontaneity of life and how sometimes you should just go with the flow of events and see where it takes you in your journey. It also shows a strong relationship between siblings and stresses the importance of being on good terms with your siblings. Great story Bailey!

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  20. Aw Bailey, this story was so heartfelt and raw! You portrayed the sibling struggle very accurately and I loved it also your attention to detail was spot on. It wasn't intended to overwhelm but the imagery provided was just enough to transport the audience, great job!

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  21. I liked the dialogue that you used between the characters and the incorporation of the question "where did your other eyebrow go?" I completely forgot
    about that question with the other commotion that was occurring until the very end where we finally understand what was going on. The story was very suspenseful and I had no idea what was going on, but it ended very relaxed and everything (except that last question) came together. This was a good short story!

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  22. The title drew me in from the beginning. This piece was funny and overall a great piece to read. i loe your portrayal of the siblings and how real the relationship seemed. Great job!

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  23. I really enjoyed your piece. The title of your story caught my attention and drew me into reading your story. The relationship between the two characters gave off realistic attitudes. Good Job!

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  24. While reading your story it felt really well written and put together with how the two characters interacted with each other, which showed how their personalities differed from each other. While reading it was also noticeable how much detail there was to all the little things in the story. Overall it was a great story and enjoyable to read.

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  25. Aww Bailey, what a cute story. I read this thinking they were gonna go on this huge adventure and in the process her eyebrow was burned off. But to my surprise it was totally different I loved the climax it really me on my toes. Overall I really enjoyed it.

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  26. The detail in this story is great! The way you formatted the story was great too! It was well- organized and easy to read. I totally didn't expect that ending. I like the simplicity throughout the plot. It was a short and satisfying story. Great job!

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