It flickered, as if it were being fought over by the light and the dark.
The lone yellow light, in the lonely storm cellar swayed. It was pacing back
and forth nervously. The howling of the wind above screamed destruction.
I observed this process quite often. There simply wasn’t much to do in
the storm cellar. I’ve been trapped in some stranger’s cellar forever. It seems
i’ve been here my whole life, but really it's only been about a week. So when I
wasn’t occupied (meaning
all the time), I related this ancient,
cracked bulb to myself. Unsure where to go, what to do. Lonesome. Tired. Not
physically, but tired of everything going wrong. But lots light bulbs flicker
after a while, so I guess it's a matter of replacing the bulb with something
brighter.
Why am I in a storm cellar? Well if you take a peek at the first word in
‘storm cellar’, you just might be able to guess right. Not just any storm
though. Not at all. The dusty transistor radio has provided quite the education
on storms. E5 tornadoes. Hail. Lightning. Yeah, not very fun. Don’t get me
wrong, being from Southern California, I could use a little rain. But given I
am in North Texas where tornadoes are common, it's no surprise this rain here
could wash out a spider that's not so itsy bitsy.
Another question you might have, why am I in some random cellar? I was
on my way to see a friend. She’s not just any friend, I’m madly in love with
her. You can imagine how big of a trip this was for me. I was excited to see
her bright beautiful smile, her sweet laugh. Instead, the darkness of the
clouds were chasing me, the monstrous cracks of thunder like an evil laugh. Now
you know why I am in tornado alley. I was going somewhere. But here’s exactly
how it went down. Here is why--- here is why i’m here. These are my thoughts
and dialogue from 7 days ago.
*distant clasp of thunder* Such a long drive, still not even
close to Austin. Why Texas?! It’s been like half an hour and i’m barely near
Dallas. I should’ve just flew to Austin. I guess this is pretty cool though.
Some clouds, rain, and distant lightning. Cool. What is she doing right now?
Should I call her or is that bugging her? Maybe I shouldn’t. *thunder again,
this time even closer* Some music shall keep me occupied.
“Well, shake it up, baby, now”
“Shake
it up baby”
“Twist and shout!”
“Twist and shout!”
*THUNDER
CRACKS OVERHEAD*
“WHAT
THE---” I scream in shock, as a man who is pale as ghost approaches my window
frantically.
“You
need to get out of here sir, there’s been a tornado warning in this area.
There's a funnel cloud twisting above.”
Should
I make a twist and shout pun? No this isn’t the time. “Thank you for the heads
up. But um, where exactly do I go?”
“Kid,
you’re not from around here, are ya? Find a cellar! Get off the road and find a
storm cellar, it’s too dangerous right now.”
“Where
is there a storm cellar?! I have no idea where i’m at!”
“Kid,
you need to stay calm, there's a house just around the corner. Nice people,
they’ll let you stay.”
“Thanks
alot! Stay safe sir.”
“You
too, kid”
*10
minutes pass, I pull up to the house*
Oh
man, there's no one flippin here! Where is it?! The tornado is down across the
street, what am I going to do?! *wind starts to pick up significantly* It’s
coming straight to me, I don’t want to die. I want her to see me alive, not at
my funeral. Where is this dang cellar?! *power lines go down* Found it! *Wind
starts to howl louder as tornado closes in* Please be unlocked. Please.
“Oh
thank the lord it’s open!”
To be honest, after I locked the hatch and was in the cellar safe from
this storm, I don’t remember anything. I just remember waking up to that lone
light bulb swaying back and forth. Also, I had no idea how long I was going to
be in here for. I’ve only been outside twice since then, about five minutes to
scavenge for supplies before the next tornado hit. It’s been almost a never
ending storm. I knew about this too, I just thought i’d be able to drive away
from the storm, only to drive into it. With no cell phone service, I knew she
had to be calling me, worried. She tried to warn me. She was worried. Wait a
minute, she was worried about me! Sorry (i’m really not), but
this is the brightest thought i’ve had in 7 days. It’s unusually quiet right
now, i’m going to look outside real fast.
The storm is over, but on the horizon the sky threatens another. It’s
far enough from here to drive away, my car amazingly wasn’t blown away. Some of
the locals are telling me I really shouldn’t risk driving into the first storm,
but being trapped in the first storm was bad enough to not want stay for a
larger storm. She’s waiting for me and I cannot wait for her. If the next storm
wants to take me, it’s going to need to catch up. I’ve learned a lot in this
dungeon they call a cellar. You can only hide for so long, that only action
will get you places. Some risks are worth taking no matter the circumstance. I
can stay in this cellar and be safe, but facing doubt is something I never do.
I’m ready to face it now. The sun is out for the first time in a while, but
that's not the only thing that’s brightened up. It’s funny, I never thought i’d
be a storm chaser.
Great Job! I loved the first line it was a good hook!I also really enjoyed they way this story was told,beginning with your present thoughts,then your retelling of events from the past,and back to your current thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI liked the use of the flashback as an explanation to how the character came to be inside the cellar. I also enjoyed the humorous comments you sprinkled in the story because they helped to turn the focus from the cellar to the events during the flashback and contribute to the development of the narrator's optimistic personality.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you made a really serious and scary situation comedic. It like how you made the piece into a flashback because it allows the reader to learn more about what the characters thoughts are throughout the plot. You also had a sufficient amount of imagery and descriptive words that made your story even better. You did a great job on your story.
ReplyDelete- Katie Strain
It was a good idea to use nature to reflect the storm inside the main character. It wasn't an issue becoming aquainted with our narrator, as the story progressed, due to the way you presented him and his problems. I also liked the way the ending sort of tied a central message together with the events and the feelings of the story. Nice work dude
ReplyDeleteGreat story! This really is a great suspenseful piece with a great situation to incorporate nature and drama. It is very well tied at the end to complete the rest of the main plot. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis story had a good theme and it was suspenseful, and i thought that the twist and shout additions were hilarious. it made the story serious and funny at the same time, great writing.
ReplyDeleteThat first sentence was amazing!! I automatically stopped reading for a second just to analyze what i just read. Your tooic sentence was deep and intriguing. It was really good and suspensful as well. Well done with the story.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this story. I liked the detail that went into and the humor also with the fear that went with being in a tornado.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is really well written and consists of a thoughtful, deeper meaning behind it. I love the several different comparisons made to the main character and how ultimately they built up his personality; like, a flickering lightbulb waiting for a particular action to cause it to shine again to the kid in the cellar waiting for his confidence to grow enough for him to take a risk and face his fears for love. It's important for everyone to take the action needed for outcomes that are worth it in the end, no matter their internal fears. I loved it, good job (:
ReplyDeleteThis story was one of my favorite reads on this blog. This is because it contained a great theme and conveyed it in this story that I thought was pretty funny,especially the dialogue leading up to the main character's entrapment. I also enjoyed this character's thought process on things, how one optimistic thought influenced his stay in that cellar. This is a story I wouldn't mind analyzing because I feel it has a lot to look at.
ReplyDeleteI loved it! The dialogue throughout it kept me interested and on my toes. I really anticipated what the characters next move would be. The way that you explained his thought process really brought out his personality and got us to know a lot more about him. 👍
ReplyDeleteI loved it! The dialogue throughout it kept me interested and on my toes. I really anticipated what the characters next move would be. The way that you explained his thought process really brought out his personality and got us to know a lot more about him. 👍
ReplyDeleteWow Daniel! That felt so intense! It even got me to start feeling afraid for the speaker and make my heart race a little. The suspense that you bring with the use of this large hurricane really made me feel like I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see if the speaker would survive or not. Great read!
ReplyDeleteDuuuuuuuude, ok to start off, your descriptions of not only external but internal conflicts had a great balance and both were significant enough to keep my attention. From te actual storm happening to what you were feeling throughout the journey. Something I adored was te light bulb detail you mentioned both beginning and end. It seemed to tie the piece together. especially thee message in the final paragraph
ReplyDeleteThis story had me hooked from start to finish. I love your use of detail and how you related the speaker to the storm. You did a great job of tying the different conflicts together in the end, it flowed really well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece, it kept me on edge the entire time as the character describes himself and what conditions he is in. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting and unlike other stories I have read on the blog so far. You did a really good job at having the character in the story communicate his thoughts directly to the audience, I felt as if I was with the character in the storm cellar and he was explaining to me how he got there. Your story was very descriptive when it came to describing the chaos of the storm. I liked how you started the story with the character staring at the swinging light bulb and then you came back to the light bulb later in the story. The story also did a good job at relating to bigger ideas about taking action and learning to take risks. Great story!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you approached the story. Rather than describing if from the third person, you used first person so the character's emotions and situations feel more relatable, especially the parts about Southern California and singing in the car. I love how throughout the piece you use humor and jokes inside the character's mind to keep the story interesting and more real. I also really like how the character took a meaning from the event so he would take more chances and be less reserved in what he wants to do.
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing story. I loved the suspense and imagery you used in this. I liked how there was also some comic relief in your story so it wasn't too serious. You also did a really good job describing your thoughts and what was going on around you. Great job.
ReplyDelete