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Monday, November 30, 2015

"Lost" By Andrew A.




                On a stormy night in the forest a family was camping out. The family consisted of a mother, father, son, and daughter. The son’s name was James and the daughter’s name was Alex. The family was camping in the forest as a family vacation. The family did not have any communication to the cities close to them.
            As the night grew longer, the temperature dropped lower. James was trying to think of other ways to stay warm in the cold while the rest of the family huddled together. James then got up and gathered branches. James gathered branches to make a cover for them to catch the rain. For the cover, James used three layers of blankets to catch the rain. Then he used the remaining branches to start a fire.
            Although James plan was working, it did not last a long time. Then without him realizing, James wandered off from the family. Even though James wandered from the family, he had enough supplies in his backpack that he carries around to last him 5 days. James tried to retrace his steps to make it back to the family but the rain washed his tracks away. By the time James reached the spot where he began he noticed it was morning and that he was traveling in circles.
            3 days passed since James became lost. James was running low on food, water, and other supplies. He tried several times to call the police and his family but had no luck. Then when he was trying to call again, James noticed a shiny necklace on the ground. James picked it up and saw that it was his sister Alexis’ necklace. He then saw a trail of blood pointing north. James quickly followed the trail and found Alexis on the ground. James picked Alexis up and took her where there would be less rain on them.
            James laid Alexis down next to a tree.  He examined her body to see where the bleeding was coming from. He then saw that there was a big scrape down her leg. James grabbed bandages from his backpack and rapped it around Alexis’ leg. He then got 2 thick branches and smoothed them out to help Alexis walk around. Alexis woke up later that day. Her memory was foggy but she told James what she remembers about what happened to her. Alexis and the rest of the family were looking for James until they fell down a cliff. Both their mom and dad died.
            5 days passed since James was separated from his family. In that time, James found his sister, but lost most of his food and water. James only has 1 water bottle left and 1 small fish. James decided that they should start walking to civilization. James and Alexis walked for miles and miles but still did not find any civilization. While they were walking, Alexis feinted to the ground. James rushed to her side to see if she was breathing. Alexis was breathing but had a high fever. James stayed with Alexis giving her warmth and the last of his supplies.  Soon, James started to get a fever. With no supplies, James believed that there was no hope until he felt his body lifted from the ground. He then opened his eyes slightly to see a paramedic team and an ambulance carrying him and Alexis to safety. That’s when he realized that he was going to survive.

5 comments:

  1. Great imagery and description that really puts the reader into the story and in the shoes of James, and his struggle being lost and trying to find his way back to his family. The tragic loss of both of his parents really put the world into perspective as one day can change everything. The only thing I would improve on is the use of pronouns. Overall, the story entices you after every sentence and the ending really wrapped things up.

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  2. What I'm wondering is how did the family suddenly fall off the cliff. But, overall the story had great detail and imagery.
    -Jazmine Hernandez
    Period 4

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  3. This story had very crazy and tragic events which made me wonder what more sufferings will occur. I loved how you made James the eager and bold character. Usually, in stories similar to this, the parent looks for help. This shows that even though you are younger, you can help and make a difference. Also, I admire the James character because he looked after his sister when she was sick. I love his determination after all the drama. Great piece!

    Jessie Santos
    Period 1

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  4. Good story! I really like the details and the character James whom we can relate to. Overall, the story was good and had a very intense theme.

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  5. Hello. I enjoyed this short story and I admired James’ character. He cared for his sister and also saved both of them from dying. I like your use of imagery since it was a very clear and easy to picture how James was lost in the woods. In addition, I feel like I could relate to James because I have a tendency to get lost in many places. Anyway, I encourage you to keep writing because you have good ideas and topics to write about. Keep up the good work!
    Kimberly Chua
    period 2

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