Why… why did I have to just. *sighs* Let me tell you the story, from the beginning. The apparent best day to die is Friday the thirteenth, in October. This right now, what I am talking about is the 12th of October. Just a regular day at school, taking a nap after lunch break and going to 5th period. The weather could have been better, just a few clouds in the horizon. My friend Michael came back from playing his soccer game. I went and greeted him casually, same old same old. He said, “We won our game 42”. I replied, “Nice man, good job”. School then continued and we both just slacked during that day. Talking about the soccer game on tv games, stuff like that. Later on we went to our club room in J210, there we found out that the club was cancelled due to someone being sick.
The following day, on October 13 was a very weird day. It was snowing, in California… This has never happened before with 1 exception in third grade. School was cancelled that day so I just had a relaxed day playing CS:GO and Arma with my online friends. As usual I still had my club to go to, I went to Michael’s house and got him on my bike. We went to the club leader’s house to only find no one was there, this confused Michael and I. After attempting to scout out the area, we went to the school and found the gates were opened. For some odd reason, the chains that held the gate together were slice down to bits and pieces. We look around the school campus and after that we looked inside the club room. Michael and I felt so disturbed after seeing what was in there.
We started to panic. “The police should know about this” Michael exclaimed. “Use my phone then, you know their number right” I questioned. He nodded, but a noise came from the J213 building. We headed outside the clubroom and something was trying to get out of that classroom. I whispered, “Wait here, alright”. He stood there silently, I tried opening the door using my full arm’s length to stay away. I bolted back to J210 and something humongous came out of there. It came out of the dark room and started to run towards us. We couldn’t move, we were too afraid to. Michael somehow started to say something, but I just pulled him while I was starting to run. We have never ran faster ever before.
As soon as we got to the stairs, the floor started shaking in sync with the monster’s footsteps. We got out of the J building pretty fast, but the monster caught up with us. Right as we got to the center of the campus, we tripped. We weren’t used to the snow and how our feet sank into it. The monster then looked at us in what we assumed confusion, it helped us up. We wondered why it helped us up and we attempted to communicate with the beast. Michael asked, “Do you speak English”. The monster then removed its mask, we found out it was our club leader pranking us. Michael and I were baffled with one question, Why? The club leader said while giggling, “You guys should’ve seen your faces”. He was laughing so hard that milk just came out of his nose, Michael just burst into tears, he started to snort uncontrollably. He was on the floor dying . I started to also laugh at the way Michael laughed, everyone was on the floor just dying of laughter. That was the day I died… of laughter. Later that day, Michael got our club leader back by making him wet his bed with water. He then took a picture and posted it on our school’s web page.
Find the shape and tell it!
That story was very funny and unique. It was an enjoyable story to read and I wanna thank you for such a great story. Your story deceive me and it made me laugh what it truly meant. Great work on your paper.
ReplyDeletewow what a twist of the events! I literally though it was the literal day that you died, not the day that you died of laughter, you got me! Anyway the structure of the story was very clear and it supported the suspense of your story, your imagery and dialogue was great!
ReplyDelete-Samar Elshekh P.3
I loved this! I really liked all the imagery and sort of bizarre feel it had to the story as far as the random order of events, And I remember that day in the third grade when it snowed, it was awesome! Very cool how you included all that so that the reader could relate to it even more,
ReplyDelete~Dulce P2
I felt like your story had diction that made me feel like I was one of your close friends and that you were really talking to me. You made me feel like something was going to go wrong then you said " Died of laughter" And honestly i started to laugh so hard. This story had great imagery and was organized to where i can vividly picture everything described.
ReplyDeleteYour story had a lot of plot twists which made me want to keep on reading. You have really good imagery and the title made me think that it was the actual day you died. When I read that the monster was running it reminded me of the URL for this blog (thatmonstercanrun). Your story was very clear and well thought out.
ReplyDelete-Miren Cancio
Period 5
When I read the title and then the story after, it really took me off guard because I was expecting something else. You did a wonderful job telling a story that expanded more on the title. It was very interesting read with good sentencing structure as well as your imagery. I love how you tried to leave it suspenseful, almost as if the reader thinks there is a lot more behind the story rather than it just being a prank. You did a really awesome job with that. Your imagery described a typical school, California day to a not so typical day full of snow. Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteJordan C. P.3
This was a really funny story and i thought it was very unique are i really liked it. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteKaty O'Hara Per. 1
This was a very distinct and interesting story you made. I loved how you started off with you questioning yourself and sighing. It really added to the story. It made me feel like you were telling me it personally. Also, I like how you went into detail of what you did during the day leading up to the prank. I want to commend you for adding in the action part where you and your friend were running away from the "monster". It made it more suspenseful. I really like the title,"The Day I Died...", because I thought you actually died, but you died of laughter. In conclusion, great job!
ReplyDelete- Jessie Santos
Period 1 Cogswell
I first chose this story because the title intrigued me, and I slowly believed this was a story of how you "died." However, when I got to the final paragraph, I finally realized the plot twist and how it was the day you died.. of laughter. I liked the progression of the story, and it kept me interested all throughout to see what finally happened. I really enjoyed all the small details that made the story, great job!
ReplyDeleteUp until the end you really had me curious and anxious about what was going to happen to michael and his friend. your simple sentence structure did a great job of emphasizing the mystery and fear that the boys were going through; as if, the reader was peering around the door, expecting something unknown and deadly with them. The ending was really funny and I loved how it contrasted with the beginning of your story. Nice play on words.. definitely unexpected!
ReplyDeleteWow, great story! I thought at first you were going to die from a muder or something, but when I read it you died from laughing. Nice plot twist!
ReplyDeleteRicky Martin
Period 4
I think its pretty cool that it starts off making you think its gonna be a scary story but then it turns into such a funny story. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteMelodie B
Period 1
I loved this story because it was humorous. At first I thought to myself, "What caused the death?" After the complete twist I was amazed and laughed. I expected a very big monster that would smash you. My prediction was way off. I think you made a smart decision by creating an plot twist. Thank you for this interesting and funny piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteBrianna Barajas
DeletePeriod 4
Some stories end happy, and some stories end in a horrific way. Luckily, this one ended in laughter. I like this story. It had an interesting background. A mixture of writing skills and a good plot twist. Good job.
ReplyDeleteMichael Retana
Period 5
Wow Aaron, that was really good.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting that at all, I was expecting it to kill you or something, not that!
I hope you continue to write as good as this.
Keep up the good work!
-Adrian Modesty Pd 4
I thought this story was going to be a scary story, which it turned out to be a funny story. This piece was very good and it was a good funny horror story. I like how you said that you went home to play csgo, which i play that to. I would probably do the same thing. It is sad how you died by laughing, but it is also funny. Keep up the writing, and keep playing csgo.
ReplyDeleteLogan Donoho Per. 1
This was a very funny and interesting story!! i enjoyed reading it and loved the detail and effort you put into it! Amazing job i loved it very much and I had no idea that it was a prank. I thought it was an actual monster and i was filled with suspense! ~Julianna Alvarado period 1
ReplyDeleteNice job a-a-ron. I was scared for you when the "monster" started chasing you. and I like the snow in California. why cant we have that normally :(. Well, Great job!
ReplyDelete-Braden Bailey Per 4
This was a very good read. Although the beginning could of used more scary elements such as hearing strange sounds or feeling strange sensations. The plot twist was very unexpected, and very well written. It could use more describing words however. Other than that great job on this story!
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely an interesting read. I was totally caught off guard by the ending because I was expecting someone to literally die in story. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThis was a good and funny story. I liked the weather in the story, because it snowed and where it took place. I like how you got back at the team leader for pulling a prank like that, it was quite funny. This story has a unique taste to it, it was an amazing story i had read.
ReplyDelete- Michelle Truong
Period 1
I enjoyed your manipulation of audience. You easily fooled me by insinuating death and alluding to dark events with the weather and broken chains.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really funny and cool story i loved the fact that they got him back. I wish there was more story to read because it was really good!
ReplyDeleteMadison Behee
Per.1
This was a really cool story! It was very interesting and exciting, but did this really happen? Was this supposed to take place at Etiwanda in the J building?
ReplyDelete-Ashlee Franks
per 4
Besides the title immediately capturing my attention, I liked how it was literally what happened. I liked your simple sentence structure which made it easy to read, yet added to the emphasize of your words. I also enjoyed the humor inputted into this and the peculiar way you died at the end. Nice play on words!
ReplyDelete-Hannah Baik Period 2
Did not expect this at all! I was lured into thinking that it would turn into a murder scene or something because of the use of imagery that helped set both the tone and setting spooky. Then I enjoyed how you enlightened the mood by adding humor to this story. It was a very creative piece!
ReplyDeleteAaron this was an amazing story I wasn't really expecting to be laughing so hard as did;i see your personality in the story at that's what made me like the story even more this was a fantastic story.
ReplyDeletezya
period 4
I love the story Aaron, it was truly amazing. I loved that your personality showed and how you kind of put spooky in this storyline. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteThis story was quite unique. It went front casual, to suspenseful, to scary, to humorous. It was quite a roller coaster of emotions. It's quite amusing how easily you were able to manipulate my emotions. Even the title sparked curiousity right away. Well done! This was a perfect story to read before Halloween.
ReplyDelete-Annika Joshi, period 5
Aaron this was a very great story. You really got me in the title. I was very confused what you meant when you said that you died until i actually read it. You did a great job describing the plot and overall made this story a pleasant story to read. Great Job!!!
ReplyDelete