How
Aliyah loved California the burning sun, the winds, the beach, the sand between
her toes. But ultimately her favorite spot was under that one tree with the grass
that never ceased to make you itchy, but her heart was warm with the mere
thoughts of that one particular person. But her thoughts drifted for being so young
what worries did she have? Between homework packets and recess she saw that one
particular person, her name Patricia. Best friends since the day she moved from
Arizona, hence why on earth she loved the sun! It started off as a small
friendship but it grew to something more. Day by day they were drawn closer,
Patricia taught her to have fun while Aliyah kept her on track. They were
separated when she moved to middle school, but that didn’t stop them from
talking. “A hop and a skip away!” that’s all they told each other, and on those
hot summer days those Bolis icecream kept them cool. The memories of a
childhood once lost, those that are good and bad and every heartbreak engraved
in mind and soul. Being older clearly she taught her much about life and in
those last couple hours they spent together before the end of summer vacation
she turned to tell her one thing. “Patricia, no matter where we are, we are
always together”. She had that sparkle in her eye which assured you, you will
never drift apart. That was for sure, one year, two years, three years past, still
the same like the very first day they meet each other. Sickness and health they were always
together, that’s until Aliyah became sick. The only sun that shined bright was
the one of the exam room, they one she stared at as the doctor proceeded to
give the news. Few hours? A couple days? A couple months? Who knew, how much
time she had left. Back to the tree, Aliyah only laid there going on and on as
Patricia sat there, how can you stay so positive? But as the day came to a
close you can only think of setting sun watching it from the tree. It was then
time to say goodbye and wait to see each other the next day. Since it was a new
year of school, different grade and different teachers, they hugged. Aliyah
sharp as always says “Alright kid, go home”.
Followed by “You’re the best Patricia, don’t ever change”, the exact words written in every yearbook
around the world. But this was deeper
than that, coming from a person that radiated love like the sun. Friends gathered,
and for Patricia all she can do is think of the day and that tree, how she loved
to run to the tree and stay there talking for hours. School sucked, especially
without Aliyah. But something was different, the sun shined brighter than ever.
As she looked up she remembered there is the sun, she walks to it, now she will
forever live with it.
I love you Aliyah you will forever be with me in heart,
mind, and soul. - APB
This story first appeared to be a clique "happy ending" story; however, as I read on I noticed the tragedy that was settling in. This story speaks to me on an emotional level, for my best friend and I were split apart a year ago after she moved away. The way you described Aliyah and Patricia's relationship resembled the exact relationship I had with my best friend. Through the grave mood of the story, I can find the more optimistic side of it; distance doesn't change relationships and true friendships are carried with you forever. To this day, my best friend and I's relationship is stronger than ever. I couldn't imagine life without her, and its comforting to know she's always there for me even when she's hundreds of miles away. Good job on this piece, I really enjoy the memories this story brought back to me.
ReplyDelete-Sabrina H
Period 2
This was a wonderfully touching piece. You definitely used a lot of imagery that helped imagine these two best friends and their close relationship. The imagery directly relating to California and Arizona reminds me why I love California so much and especially why I cherish the friends I have. Your wording was wonderful, just as well as your sentence structuring. I felt like it allowed for a pause, such as for the reader to have a moment of thought, to think about maybe the person they have in their life that is their friend. It was short, thorough, and was the same subject all the way through which was wonderful. You provided a very touching story in very few words, and it is very impactful. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI love the description in this story. I was very pleased with all the imagery used. I pictured almost all of the story. This story was very touching. Keep your head up.
ReplyDelete-Brianna B
Period 4
This piece is truly beautiful, I love it. I love the imagery you used to describe the atmosphere/setting of the story. I also love how you described the relationship between Aliyah and Patricia. This story brings back memories of a friend of mine, Jordan Nababan, who like Aliyah, died too soon. This piece gives me hope that he and Aliyah are both living with the sun. :)
ReplyDelete-Emily French
Period 5
Allyson, I first would like to say how much I enjoyed reading this piece. Your use of imagery truly helped me understand and visualize the story a lot better. It definitely opened my eyes to never take your close friends for granted. Overall this was an amazing and well written piece, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWow. Allyson, this piece was absolutely touching and beautifully written. At he beginning it appeared to be something of radiance but by the end my heart literally sunk. I loved your use of imagery and diction in this, as well as personal experience. Well done.
ReplyDelete-Kelene H
per. 2
At first the tone of this story is so lighthearted and happy and shifts to so sad but still almost happy with memory. That shift in tone completely made this story grab at my heart. Even in such a short story, you make the characters seem so well known and give so much background and insight and detail but then your story also stays vague enough to make the reader keep wondering. I thought this was such a sweet piece and made me feel the emotions of the characters, incredibly well done, touching, and very heartfelt, great job.
ReplyDelete-Aubrianne Milton
This piece really hit home. I think a lot of us take for granted our friends and we don't stop to appreciate them as much as we should.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think about what I would do if i lost Sam, and your story did a beautiful job of showing how much life would change. when you said "there something was different, the sun shined brighter than ever. As she looked up she remembered there is the sun, she walks to it, now she will forever live with it" it really conveyed how, no matter what, we find the lost of our loved ones in everything around us.
great use of imagery in the beginning, it made for an impressive tone shift as the story made a more grim turn.
I really appreciate my best friend Lauren and i lover her to bits, and i think you did a great job and expressing how it feels when someone close o you like that does die. I liked this piece because it was very relate-able, the tone was appropriate and the style flowed well with the topic. Your overall writing style for this piece was well executed and well done. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI love this story because i can relate it to my life moving from place to place and making friends just to let them go and having to say good bye in the end. Thank you so much for this story.
ReplyDeleteJohnny Delacruz
Per 1
I loved this story. I can definitely relate with moving away from your friends and everyone you know. The imagery used was awesome, I could imagine the whole thing as I was reading it. However, the beginning could have changed a little because it took me a few times reading it to understand it. Great job keep up the good work!!
ReplyDeleteI loved this story. I can definitely relate with moving away from your friends and everyone you know. The imagery used was awesome, I could imagine the whole thing as I was reading it. However, the beginning could have changed a little because it took me a few times reading it to understand it. Great job keep up the good work!!
ReplyDeletewow. That was amazing. For sure a awesome story. the ending was deep. It was very well put together. from someone whos moved schools quite a long time this story was very relatable. overall awesome writing skills good job.
ReplyDeleteAlejandro Martinez
period 1
This piece was truly touching and it was very well written. The use of imagery just made this story even more beautiful. The way you described the sun and the grass and all of the small details made this piece stand out to me. Incredible job.
ReplyDelete~Legend Holman
p.3
This story was really good from the beginning, but I especially liked how it transformed into a dramatic love story between friends. Furthermore, I liked how the climax sneaks up on you, which further adds to the dramatic aspect. I also feel that a lot of people have lost in their lives, and this story really connects to those who have. Good job!
ReplyDeleteTaylor Sandoval
p.5 Cogswell
This is such a sad but beautiful story. It reminds me of a friend I just lost this year named Dana. The love that Patricia had for Aliyah is heartwarming. Keep writing more stories because you're really good at it.
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
This story is truly well written, from the beginning to the end I was mesmerized by the description and imagery of nature and the beauty in one's life. This story captivated my attention and allowed me to connect on an emotional level. Really Good Job Allyson!
ReplyDeleteHunter Fierro
Period 5 Cogswell
Allyson made a wonderful short story about how time will heal many people always have that one saying" time will heal" but when will that saying actually come true does it really heal or is it just like the same pain you felt when it first happen no one ever has answers to the one question.
ReplyDeletealexis medina
period 4
Allison this was a very emtional and touching story. A lot of the tmes we think that friendship lasts forever physically but we never consider that not everyone is promised another day to live and we must mke every moment count. Friendship is precious and we shouldn't allow their absense to affect the way we've always felt about them. That is what I got from your poem. It felt very personal which gave it that sweet touch.
ReplyDeleteJessica Perez. Per 3
Wow Allison this was very well detailed, so much imagery in the beginning and i loved how you explained how important have a close friendship is. Again, the detail put in this gave me an idea or image of the setting this story took place. Good job i loved this piece!
ReplyDeleteJorge Rodriguez
Period 5
I personally love this story, it is very well detailed, beautifully written, and it definitely grabbed my attention. I love the fact that you did this with two best friends and I can relate to this story which gives it even more value to me. The ending was very emotional and overall amazing and I liked how it seems that there friendship is unbreakable no matter what . Very, very beautiful story!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThis piece hits you right in the stomach with pure emotion. It definitely forces readers to think about the importance of friendship and how it should never be taken for granted. The last couple of lines were essential in flooding the audience with tidal wave of emotion as they realized that Aliya had passed on. I want to say thank you for sharing this with us and allowing me to open my eyes just a little bit more to the small pleasantries in our world.
ReplyDeleteChristian Zaldivar P.3
This piece was very emotional, and as the poem went on you could feel the emotions becoming stronger. The imagery in this piece was very well done, as descriptions around both characters help to show how vivid this one memory still is. This piece has also reminded me the importance of friendship, even more now as a senior, and that I should cherish these last few months I have with some great friends.
ReplyDeleteAdam Burgos
Period 2
The imagery within this story really adds to the effect and the reader really gets to feel the emotions within this piece. The fact that you could make the reader feel this emotions when its not their life shows real talent. I couldnt stop reading it and honestly want to see more from you!
ReplyDelete