A young girl held a golden locket in her hands. She had found
it among the scattered leaves on the forest floor, covered with shadows from
the immense trees above. The surface of the locket was intricately detailed and
seemed to reflect light, despite the darkness. Inside was a faded black and
white photo of a lady wearing a simple Victorian dress, her long hair falling
over her shoulders, and smiling sweetly. She was beautiful.
The young girl closed the locket and
slipped it over her neck. It was too beautiful to leave behind. Walking home,
she crunched her way through the dead leaves and hummed quietly to herself.
From the corner of her eye, she caught a flash of movement among the
shadows.
“Well, hello there,” a voice said
behind her. She whipped around to see a beautiful lady calmly staring at her.
She could only stare at the lady for
a moment, shocked by her sudden presence. It immediately dawned on her that
this was the lady from the photo. She looked exactly the same, as if the photo
was taken only a few minutes ago.
“Oh, there's no need to be
frightened, dear.” The lady smiled politely, taking a few steps forward.
“Wh-Who are you?” The girl managed
to stammer.
"Well, that's really no concern
of yours. What should be is that locket you are wearing around your neck."
She paused, looking at it carefully. "You see, that is no ordinary object
you wear. That locket possess power, strong enough to have brought me back.”
Her grin widened as she smiled broadly. "You, my dear, have awakened the
curse."
The girl backed away slowly, terrified of
the clearly insane woman. She glanced down at the locket, now radiating light.
"My dear, you are the cure to my
wretched condition. After all these years of suffering in isolation, I have
waited. And now... Now I can be free at last."
The girl, fearful, began to lift the
locket over her head, prepared to run.
“No!” The lady commanded, her smile
gone and voice panicked. “You must let me remove it for you. That is how it
must be done.” She smiled politely once again.
In an instant the young girl was
running away as quickly as her legs would let her. But a moment later the lady
appeared before her, blocking her way. The look on her face clearly conveyed
her anger.
“I suppose I will have to do this
the difficult way then, and force you to it” she hissed.
The lady lunged toward the girl, her
eyes now filled with a threatening black. “Finally, finally... A perfect host,”
she murmured to herself. She feverishly gripped the girls hands tightly in her
own and closed her eyes. Leaves began to swirl wildly as a tornado formed
around them. “Yes!” the lady screeched, the girl nearly unconscious now. “Yes!”
And both bodies went limp.
A few minutes later the girl
awakened, her eyes a pure black, and laughed.
I got a little scared but i really loved it ! Your detail was amazing !
ReplyDeleteimalla ramirez
period 6
Wow.. i was really hoping she got away or at least destroyed the locket. Which makes me wonder who is this lady and what is her purpose. But great job i really enjoyed this story it has a creepy appeal to it which i strangely like.
ReplyDelete-deja hardrick
period 2
i really liked it it was a little scary
ReplyDeleteXavier Delgado
Period 2
Well then. That didn't ended the way I thought it was going to. I wish this was a book series! it was really great. The way you contrasted the innocent girl and the evil women made me think how they could both be each other just at different times and or stages in their lives. I loved it! Great Job! Keep Writing ! :)
ReplyDeleteWell then. That didn't ended the way I thought it was going to. I wish this was a book series! it was really great. The way you contrasted the innocent girl and the evil women made me think how they could both be each other just at different times and or stages in their lives. I loved it! Great Job! Keep Writing ! :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece. I loved the fairytale aspect of it, your descriptive diction kept me wanting more from beginning to the end. I especially liked the twist at the end. The shift in tone from the beginning was perfect and you successfully shifted the story line in my opinion. All in all, well done!
ReplyDeleteMerosa Uiagalelei
Period 5
I enjoyed this story. I thought something bad was going to happen to the girl if she did get away, but she didn't and something bad still happened. This had a good sense of imagery in it. The real lesson is to never pick up anything cool you might see in the forest.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in this story was great and it had all the suspense, nice job.
ReplyDeleteMelvin Sanchez
Period 6
I found your story to be captivating and interesting, the obscurity of the entire passage makes it a very interesting read.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was very interesting. Really nice use of dark imagery and the twisted plot. I honestly assumed she was going to get possessed but I still enjoyed the short story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteSuch wonderful use of details! I loved the way you were able to create a vivid image of the story. I had absolutely no trouble picturing the creepy old lady - it was as though I could hear her creepy voice in my ear as i read through the dialogue. This seems like it would make nice material for a short movie, especially that scene at the end. The image of the girl with her eyes of pure black is just frightening and seems as though it came straight out of a horror movie as the scene after the end credits that filmmakers use to scare viewers; and as a fan of horror movies, I found this to be beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDanielle Delgado
Period 1
4/26/2015
Such wonderful use of details! I loved the way you were able to create a vivid image of the story. I had absolutely no trouble picturing the creepy old lady - it was as though I could hear her creepy voice in my ear as i read through the dialogue. This seems like it would make nice material for a short movie, especially that scene at the end. The image of the girl with her eyes of pure black is just frightening and seems as though it came straight out of a horror movie as the scene after the end credits that filmmakers use to scare viewers; and as a fan of horror movies, I found this to be beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDanielle Delgado
Period 1
4/26/2015
Your use of simple diction gave the story an eerie tone that really captivated the audience. I like that the ending of the story kept the reader guessing at what truly happened to the protagonist. Good job!
ReplyDeleteAlthough a little cliche, it was a nice piece of work. Cliche isn't necessarily a bad thing and in this case it worked for you mostly because you added enough detail to allow the reader to visualize the situation in their head. Short and enjoyable. That seems like a good story to me.
ReplyDeleteI love what you wrote! You instantly grabbed my attention from the first sentence. The ending was a little confusing though...did the get possessed or something? But other than that, it was amazing! Great Job!
ReplyDelete-Ashlyn Barnes, Freshman Class Period 6
I love what you wrote! You instantly grabbed my attention from the first sentence. The ending was a little confusing though...did the get possessed or something? But other than that, it was amazing! Great Job!
ReplyDelete-Ashlyn Barnes, Freshman Class Period 6
This was great, very mysterious. You did very great on detail. I could visualize all of the story. I liked the part when the lady came in front of the girl and looked the same as in the locket's picture.
ReplyDeleteBethany Stitt
6:07 pm
period 6
4/27/15
Your story had me wondering what was going to happen next and who the unknown lady was. I would love to know more about the ladys story, it's probably interesting. Your story was great. -Sophia Rivas Period 5
ReplyDeleteYour story had me wondering what was going to happen next and who the unknown lady was. I would love to know more about the ladys story, it's probably interesting. Your story was great. -Sophia Rivas Period 5
ReplyDeleteAwhh! Miranda I really enjoyed your piece very much! The idea of your story reminded me a lot of Tangled! Your tone, diction, and imagery presented was well constructed and I commend you on that! I found your piece tad bit creepy that made reading it very enjoyable! You were able to grasp the attention of the audience and really delve into your story. I wish there was more I could read! Greatt job dude!! ((:
ReplyDeleteThis was super scary! This seems like a preview for a horror movie. You did a great job on this. I enjoyed the way you choose to have the Victorian woman act nicely towards the girl up until she would not do what she wanted. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteNehemiah Barnett
Period 4
Well I'm not going to sleep tonight. I loved the amount of imagery you used in the story, it really added that creepy vibe.
ReplyDeleteDaniel Alaniz
Period 4
Wow! Miranda I really enjoyed your piece. I loved your use of imagery and tone. It had me at the edge of my seat! Great job! Keep up the great work.
ReplyDelete-Philip Ahn
-4th
Golly,
ReplyDeleteI wrote a play a few months back about the dead connecting to the living through inanimate objects. my "ghosts' attempted to suck the life out of their victims as well. I think the concept is so stunning because everyday items can be a source of great affliction and fear. I truly enjoyed the suspese of this piece, especially its ending. I think you chose the perfect (omniscient) voice to tell your story. I think the ending turned out perfect because the audience could have a distant view of the ghost/young girl. There was a quiet to your piece that made it even more terrifying. since it happened in the woods it can be assumed that no one will ever know what happened t the young girl's,,, soul? Anyway; great piece.
Adan Chavez
Per. 4
James Phillips
ReplyDeleteI love this story because it is very intriguing and you are a great writer Miranda s.
Very interesting I was oddly intrigued and actually read this story multiple times, good job!
ReplyDeleteAnthony Absher
Period 6
Marian Hollinquest
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
This story was so cool, man! The mixture of detailed imagery of the events happening and the ambiguity of who the characters were was a perfect mix of literary elements to achieve the insidious agenda at the end of this short story. We don't know who the girl is, there significance of the locket, or who the malevolent entity was, yet all we know is that she had dark intentions
Good Job!
This story was great! I like how you pulled the story all together at the end. Great use of imagery that helped me to visualize the events as they happened.
ReplyDeleteVery Descriptive detail. I like the way you used a lot of adjectives to describe the woman. Very well played story.
ReplyDeletePeriod 6
Luis Toro
Very detailed and very well written
ReplyDeleteperiod 6
izabel linn
i really enjoyed your story and liked the scary element that you added in there. It was well thought out and i loved all the descriptive detail and tone and i really enjoyed the story line. It really gave me the chills and it also was very telling of you as a person. Good job great stuff.
ReplyDeleteI liked how it started as like a normal horror, scary woods scene and then advanced to this elaborate ghost story. It had me pulled in from the start and your use of imagery made it feel like those old drive-in movies but modern at the same time. Great job, Miranda!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! This story fascinated me with its very interesting plot. I felt as if this was a trailer to some type of horror movie. Overall, this is an amazing story and you should consider doing a part 2 to continue on with this story.
ReplyDeleteI really liked reading your story. It was interesting and it really made me curious to know what the lock and the key were for. It had a nice plot and a nice finis.good job!
ReplyDeletewilliam bema
per.2
Wow! It grabbed my attention from the start. It was very fascinating and I got sort of a creepy vibe from it. I got really scared at the end when the lady appeared out of nowhere to take her life. It reminded me slightly of the movie Insidious where the little boy is able to attract the spirits of the dead. Great job!
ReplyDeleteMelany M
Per. 1
I really enjoyed your story a lot if grabbed my attention right at the beginning i thought it was fascinating and when i was reading it i thought it was a little creepy like it had a creepy vibe to it. it was also very detailed and very well written therer was also a very great amount of imagery used thats amazing good job miranda
ReplyDeleteOmid
Period 4
I like how the story started in the forest all creepy but good job!i enjoyed this story a lot.
ReplyDelete-Angel Gonzalez
P2
I really enjoyed how your story started like an ordinary horror story set in the woods that somehow elaborately ended up being a ghost story. It was interesting how the ghost tried to be friendly at first, although with a mischievous agenda behind it, and only reacted with a darker tone after the girl started to run. Normally in ghost stories the ghost is already angry and trying to get rid of the living, but rarely do I hear of a ghost story where the ghost is trying to posses the living and walk among us. How the locket came to be in the woods, where it came from originally and what the ghost will do now would be an interesting way of extending the world you have created in your story. Great job.
ReplyDelete- Justin Presto
Period 2
This was a well done piece of work, I mean, the narrative had this sense of serenity and majesty throughout it, even towards the end. The way you described the woman of her beauty and the way you presented the story with assonance brought a still atmosphere (This is the way i felt; it's all subjective). I also enjoyed the shift in tone and perception of character; at first it was thought that the woman was good by the way she approached the girl but n the end she's bad. Well done once again.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really great story. Great detail of scenery. I really enjoyed the dialogue between the two characters. The victorian era lady reminds me of a witch which creates a magical tone. Great ending as well.
ReplyDeleteLove the story Mia they way you described it was amazing. Great story !
ReplyDeleteI loved the ominous tone and obvious dark theme you were striving for. Its a refreshing taste of the all too famous fantasy realm of magic and witchery- and really excites the readers to see the corruption of such an innocent unknowing little girl. She didn't know better, so she becomes the host. I love that! I wish I could read more and see what becomes of the child. Great story!
ReplyDeleteYou had great detail who choose strongly shaped the entire scenery of the short story which most likely was what captivated the audience with your erie tone. The assonance also brought out the story's colors very well. The narrative was perfectly got for it as well. So great job, keep up the well formed use of literary devices.
ReplyDeleteMahlon Howard
Period 4
I didn't expect that for a story. It's a classic case of judging a book by its cover. It had a nice twist to become a horror story. I liked the dialogue of this piece, but I wish it was more developed. Nevertheless, it was still an interesting piece.
ReplyDeleteI found it funny and suspenseful when the lady came out. At first I thought she was good but than she mentioned a curse and I had a feeling she was evil. I found it interesting to see her wake up possessed .
ReplyDeleteThis piece just took own its own path and that is what i like most about it! Not only did you manage the innocence of the lady at first but you also created that benefit of the doubt attitude from the girl, then letting her fail at the end! I liked the dialogue you used and how the girl just managed to be caught by the curse! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteJaena Lauren Fabia
Period 4
Great detail! i lowkey got scared! But good Job!
ReplyDeleteWow I didn't expect a story like this and it surprised me in a good way. I love the way you ended it and your descriptions gave me a vivid image of what was happening, amazing story!
ReplyDeleteMargaret Moyer
Per5
Woah I did not expect that ending at all. I really liked the twist that you put into it. It started out nice and sweet when she found a beautiful locket but put a nice twist to the end. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Anastasi
P.5