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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

"Oops” by Mia T



He sits across the room in the corner. His name was Brad. I’ve liked him for quite some time now. He finally gave me his number after school on a notecard that said “text me”. I was so excited I started blushing. I never thought a guy like him would go for a girl like me.

That evening, when I got home from school, I didn’t know what to do. I thought to text him right then and there, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. Maybe he’ll think it’s cute. Or he’ll just think I’m a creep. So I waited and waited. I watched the clock strike 4…5. I knew it had to be now or never. I typed out his number so fast with excitement. I texted hey with a smiley face. It has already been three minutes and no answer. Maybe his phone is on silent. Ten minutes has passed now. I checked over the message. I probably came off to strong with the smiley face. I went over his number and I noticed that put in the wrong number. Of course I messed up his phone number. I put in his number once again but this time correctly. This time I put “Hey what’s up” with a winking face. Then within a minute he replied. He replied back saying “I thought you have forgotten”. I didn’t know what to say back so I just said, “ Why would I forget”. We had been talking for fifteen minutes now. I didn’t want it to end. Until my mom texted me that she found my red boots in the downstairs closet. I was so happy that I texted “Yay I love you” but not to her. It was to Brad. I thought I was still on my mom’s contact but I was on his. He replied back with so many question marks. I was so embarrassed. While I was typing back he said he had to go. I knew I blew it. The one chance I finally get to talk to my crush I blow it.

The next day at school, I didn’t want him to notice me, but I saw him laughing with his friends at his desk. I knew they were talking about me. I was so sad that I started tearing up. I looked up and I saw Brad get up from his seat and walking toward my desk. I wiped up my tears and lifted up my head. He came over and gave me another card. I knew it had to be something mean or joke his friends came up with. It read, “What ever happen last night, lets just forget about it. Deal? If so, meet me by the basketball hoop after school“. I thought maybe he is a nice guy.

So after school I went to the basketball courts. No one was there besides two people. One of them was Brad and the other looked like a girl. I went a little closer. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Brad with Jennifer. Jennifer Hook! She’s one of the most popular girls in the tenth grade. There were holding hands and laughing. Then I saw them look over at me and started to laugh louder. Then they started pointing at something behind me. I turned around and saw a group of a people. They started laughing as well. I was so embarrassed. I ran down to the parking lot, where my mom picks me up, with tears running down my face. Once I started getting closer I stopped to catch my breath and cleared my face. I got in the car and my mom was asking me so many questions. I was so upset and annoyed I told her I didn’t want to talk about and slammed the door. When I finally got home I went straight to my room and locked the door. I closed all the curtains. I turned out all the lights. I knew he was too good to be true. I was sobbing my eyes out. It was the worst day of my life and also my last.














34 comments:

  1. I liked how it was a real life story and that it didn't have a fairy tale ending nothing ends perfect.

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  2. Good Job coming up with all the ideas way to create an almost real story.

    -Noah Martinez
    p.2

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  3. I enjoyed this story! I like the concept of the story . Good Job.

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  4. This was a good piece. It was interesting to see the girls perspective of having a crush thats “out of her league.” And it showed how badly people could treat people and take advantage of someones feelings for a laugh.
    Mariah Rhodes
    Period 6

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  5. This is a really nice piece. I loved that it Brought you into a girls perspective when having a crush. And it was really sad how someone could be so mean as to hurt someones feelings just to have a little laugh.
    Mariah Rhodes
    period 6

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  6. I like how this piece shows a lot of imagery of what occurred that day. The way you described how you felt when he gave you his number and when you embarrassed yourself showed how you felt that day. Towards the end, the use of vivid imagery showed how upset you were. Great blog!

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  7. Wow I really enjoyed reading this. Honestly this is a perfect example of how cruel people can be because I know kids do this but they dont realize how it makes the person theyre doing it too feel. Great use of imagery I felt like I was on the outside looking in! Great job I really enjoyed it!

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  8. I enjoyed this story. I felt really bad for the narrator, but I liked this piece because it showed a messed up real life scenario. Great story.

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  9. I enjoyed this story. I felt really bad for the narrator, but I liked this piece because it showed a messed up real life scenario. Great story.

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  10. Hey Mia! Very fascinating story, well written and described. I enjoyed reading it from the girls perspective. Keep it up! -Vymian San

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  11. Dang, this story was very good. I thought that he was going to ask her out when she got on the basketball courts like a happy ending but I really liked this story.
    ~Clarissa Rojas
    Period 2

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  12. I love how realistic your story was, it didn't have the normal happily ever after ending and I admire that. Although I did believe he was going to ask her out when she got on the basketball courts. Overall great piece it kept my attention from beginning to end.
    -Leah Hernandez
    Period 4

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  13. This is an amazing piece and I feel bad for the narrator. I actually thought that he was gonna ask her out but it was just a trick. It was amazing how you made this story realistic and not Cinderella like. You did an excellent job Mia.

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  14. I like the story alot. its very sad but I liked it
    - NaisZjaii Ragsdale

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  15. Such a tragic ending to a tragic story. It reminds me of Shakespeare's plays, the beginning is happy however it ends tragically. I love the sense of realism in this story because it definitely shows how there are no happy endings just endings. The speaker seemed so hopeful with her beginning relationship with Brad but it soon takes s quick twist where he is transformed into the antagonist. The public humiliation of her reminded me of Carrie by Stephen King where she went to prom and was made a fool of. I wanted to cry at the end because of that last sentence. "It was the worst day of my life and my last." That just gives the reader a pang of distress and realization. Good job.

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  16. I enjoyed reading this story it was well written, and sad how he didn't ask her out at the end.
    -Sukhmeen Grewal
    Period 2

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  17. This story was so sad but, it was really good. I really thought he was gonna be a nice guy. It's really sad how she took her life just because of that one day.
    Jocelyn Rangel
    P.2

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  18. This was a great piece! This could be made into a movie. But I liked that you strayed away from the typical happy ending. The last line really made me think about how influential our actions are in lives of others. Great Job!
    Nehemiah Barnett
    Period 4

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  19. I enjoyed your story its was interesting to read I really wasn't expecting brad to do that in the end there was a little twist. good job
    Alissa del Castillo
    period:6

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  20. i enjoyed this story and i liked the concept of it. Good job!
    - Jacob Menjivar
    Period 6

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  21. The ending had me in shock! This was a great piece, hope to see your writing grow more. Good job!(:
    Jobelle Dauz
    Period 2

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  22. The ending suprised me! I was hoping they will end up together. But it was a great story overall!!
    Chiqui Annisa
    Period 2

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  23. This story is so real. The ending really surprised me. Great job.
    Kenzie Mcewan
    Period 2

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  24. Love the story Mia they way you described it was amazing. Great story !

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  25. This is a really good story good job on this! I liked the way you described this story.
    Angel Gonzalez
    p2

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  26. If this was youtube, I would just comment "OOPS!" But since this is Da Blog, I gotta say that if I was in the situation the girl is in in the story, I would just start singing ♪Why you gotta be so ruuude?♪

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  27. I think you did a good job with your story. I loved the detail and thought you put into it great job.
    -Hallie Deeds Period 2

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  28. Margaret Moyer
    Per. 5
    I ended up listening to a sad song while reading this and thought it really fit the mood. I really think it's realistic how you portrayed Brad and the story ending quite sad. As a short story I felt there was a good definite end with out hanging questions and the emotions conveyed in it were really well done. Amazing JOB~!!

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  29. I really liked the ending to your story. it seems more realistic than the traditional "happy endings" most stories go for. A simple explanation would have been a better way of handling the situation in my opinion. Although, Brad's a jerk for doing that, too.

    Justin Presto
    Per. 2

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  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. This was so sad, I really believed that they were going to end up together! It was such a realistic moment especially with the imagery involved. Overall, it is very well written! Good job.

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  32. This was a really sad story and I thought they were going to end up together but they didn't! You really captured how a teenage girl feels when she has a crush and it's quite accurate. Great job!

    Melany M
    Period 1

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  33. The whole "out of her league" perception and the fact that the story is relate able because people have gone through that helped make the story feel more real. I enjoyed it.

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  34. This story was really sad and made me mad at the guy ! Keep on writing !

    imalla ramirez
    period 6

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