December
12 2008
It’s my first diary entry as a freshman in high school and I am
going to tell you all about how I feel today, diary. I look around and all I
see are my friends getting good grades on their tests and quizzes while I fail them.
Why can’t I be smart too?
All I can do is draw. Diary, please grant me the ability to be smart.
December 16 2009
Today, a popular girl named Audrey got
nominated for Prom Queen and that is all she talked about for weeks. Sometimes,
I wish I had what she had for people to like her so much. She’s pretty, popular, smart, and
all the boys talk about her. Everybody always pays attention to her and tells
her how perfect she is. I wish I had what she had. I wish I was popular in high
school. It seems nice. I love fashion, but maybe I should find love for
something else..?
April 14 2010
I went on my first date today. I don’t think it’s going to work out because he
thinks Prada and Gucci are the only high end fashion brands out there. Uhm, no.
By the way, popular girl Audrey got voted for most beautiful in the senior
section in the yearbook. Yes I am still jealous of her a little bit. I still
look up to her. She does not get good grades though. I wonder why. She seemed
perfect to me. I don’t
think I’ll ever be able to
be successful. I feel worthless.
May 13 2010
I’m sorry to tell you this diary but I’ve been self harming. My mom died and I don’t feel as if I have anything to
live for anymore. My boyfriend also broke up with me. I feel like I am losing
in life. It’s never going
to get better. The heartbreak is so painful, it’s hard to breathe.
December 19 2011
Wow, I’m starting my first year at Parsons, because I realized I
really love fashion, here I go!
August 9th, 2020
Today, I host my very first fashion show
in New York City. I’m so
excited for everyone to see my clothing line. I have worked so hard.
October 20th, 2026
Today, one of my maids was cleaning the
mansion when she found this old diary. You know, today was interesting. I had a
chat with Audrey today as she got my french fries ready at Burger King. I guess
being popular in high school really wasn't all that. If I could go back and
tell my teenage self anything, it would be that it’s much cooler to be cool later in life than cool in high
school.
November 9th, 2026
I got married today to the love of my
life.
December 8th 2028
This is my last diary entry, as I am too
busy to keep filling this out now, because I have a beautiful but fashionable
baby girl. Life gets better. Just make sure you are there to see it.
Well done Melany! This is something that most people have probably felt at some point in their lives. I like the way you organized your story as a series of diary entries all spaced out over several years to show how the main character's views and mentality have changed over time. This clearly illustrates the transformation that happens as a person becomes older and more experienced. It is too common for people our age to fall into the classic stereotype of teenage Angst. This story clearly shows how foolish and naive this idea is.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the way yo organized this piece in diary entries. I love the message yo gave of and how easy it was to relate. Great job Melany.
ReplyDeleteThe most defining aspect of this piece is the documentation of the protagonist's most memorable moments, expressing vulnerability where there are more words and strength when there are less; not only does this give the character a sense of humanity and weakness, but it also demonstrates development of the protagonist into someone more complex, hopeful, and sound. The piece was very heartfelt and I enjoyed the structure of the story.
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting. I really liked how you wrote this in the format of diary enties. It shows a different perspective of the main character over time. Good job.
ReplyDelete-Branodn Icamen
Period 1
This was an amazingly thoughtful, inspiring piece of writing! I loved it! I can relate to it totally, and I'm sure many people have felt this some point in their time in high school. But I love how the character's confidence changes overtime. Amazing job!
ReplyDelete-Kimberly Tsuyuki
Period 6
This story was amazing!! The way she went through so much in high school wishing to be someone she wasn't then becoming a huge success was good for people who go through what she did. I would love to read more from you.
ReplyDeleteHey Melany! I felt like this was a great way to let people know that things get better. You told the events of one's life over time. It shows that people really do change, and how time is affected. Time plays a key role in life, especially in timing. You showed great development of the main character through her Diary entries. You show how experience and time change people over time, and it leaves a great message for the readers.
ReplyDeleteMelany,
ReplyDeleteI loooooooved it!! I am not sure if the beginning is in relation to your own life experiences but i feel like you pointed out a topic that is common among teenagers these days. Everyone wants to be happy, successful, beautiful, admired, accepted, and most importantly loved. You wrote an amazing inspirational piece in which the under dog becomes the hero. I appreciate your piece.
Leasia Spicer
period 4
Nice job! This piece was chock full of emotion. You really used the first person view to it's maximum effectiveness. I'm impressed how realistic you made the journal entries, as they were filled with genuine emotions and feelings. Furthermore, the spacing of the dates within really helped highlight the theme of your story. I'm glad it ended on a happy note. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story very much. The title for your story is so right it does get better. Also your story goes very well with the title. I loved how it ended and how her dreams came true.
ReplyDelete-Jocelyn Rangel
P.2
This is terrible. DVDASA FOREVER.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you started the journal/ diary entry in the past then, at the end, moved towards the later future. I gives the reader an insight into how things probably went with the world around your character. Definately relatable with the issues over popular people but you provide it in such a subtle way that your attention to detail adds to the splendor. Great Job Melany.
ReplyDeleteI like how you formatted your piece as a diary. I'm able to have an accurate sense of time and it helps show that this is a prolonged story throughout someone's life. You were able to develop the problem of depression very well, but I feel like it could have been resolved mor subtly. Also you use of tropes makes your piece more relatable.
ReplyDeleteWow I really like how you formatted this into a diary giving us a glimpse of this girls life showing us that even though times get hard it does get better. I also like the incorporation of the character Audrey because I think in life most people have someone like that and reading this gives them the feeling that one day even though I was never popular I will at least have my life figured out.
ReplyDeleteMargaret Moyer
per5