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Sunday, November 16, 2014
"The Girl that Fell Before She Could Fly By", Cynthia A.
“I wonder what it’s like to fly,”
*gunshot*
“how it feels to see the world up so high,”
*Her body hits the floor*
“To be dependent off of nobody but yourself.”
*everyone scatters*
“But still have a pack you can see the world with. . ”
*Blood drips from the sidewalk onto the winding road*
September 25, 2010 2 a.m.
The funeral was comical. Strangers got up to say how important she was to everyone, How she brightened everyones day by just her smile, how everyone will always love her in their hearts until they die. But for a human to continuously love another human they would have to love them in the first place. Which they didn't. She brightened no ones day but my own. Everyone despised her for a reason she couldn't understand, for a reason she had no recognition of. They labeled her a murderer, told her the twisted truth of her birth: how our mother sacrificed her life for her giving birth yet she was recognized as a killer. The day she accidentally shot and killed our father at the age of 2 with his own 45 was the day everyone lost hope. Not only did she “take the last bit of life” from our mother but she unintentionally murdered our father who was the second most loved person in our family. . . our mother was the first. So while these “family” members claimed their love and adoration for Moana at her funeral, they would chastise her with names that would shatter her existence if they could while beating her with anything that changed her appearance.
September 25, 2010 2 a.m.
The ambulance didn't come for an hour. One full hour. The police knew what already happened when they arrived: why it happened, how it happened, who had done it. Moana was a whirling wind of emotions that night, she saw who pointed the gun right between her eyes and if that wasnt enough the fact that it was the person she trusted the most broke her heart before it stopped. Although her death was quick, it wasn’t quick enough to eradicate the amount of betrayal shown in her eyes. She was just a beautiful mess that got caught up in my ugly game.
December 25, 2010 2.am.
It’s been 3 years since she's been gone and I still remember every day we spent our childhood together. I was her older brother , and If I can still remember how she would walk to my room in the middle of the night every night to feel safe I can remember every detail of that night like it was a favorite dream of mine. I knew she’d visit our parents grave on the 25 of December at 2 a.m. I just didn’t think how happy she’d look on the pavement after she went. I’d never seen her look so happy in her life, I guess I had to see her smile in her death.
Hey CYNTHIA! What an interesting piece! As usual, I adore and admire your hand with intricate imagery and syntax. The plot line is a little wonky and all over the place, but I resonate with the speaker's point of view. I honestly and truly did feel for your character's death, and how everybody's hatred of her lead to her death. Congratulations on an excellent piece.
ReplyDeleteOh my god that was a whirl wind of emotion! I really like the detail and the month/day/time detail too. This really put me in a spot of heartbreaking, interested state of mind. When I read the title I kind of did not expect this story at all but I really like how this all flowed together and made sense of the title. Overall it was very interesting.
ReplyDeleteSarah Skibby
Period 6
Great story. I love the format of it, how the story is divided over time.The background story provides insight on what happened to her and why it happened to her, a tragic background with a sadistic ending.
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting story, I loved how you wrote it as a journal entry with different dates. I also love your use of imagery, and how you describe the people that attended her funeral. At first when reading the story I though that Moana had committed suicide, but later in the story you revealed that it was someone close to her. I wonder who is could have been.
ReplyDeleteKaleha Spencer
Period: 4
This story got my attention very much. At first I thought she killed herself and that's why the ambulance took an hour to get there. But then you revealed that someone close to her killed her. You put background information to help understand why someone would kill her. I loved how you put a lot of detail. You did a good job.
ReplyDeleteJocelyn Rangel
P.2
Period 1:
ReplyDeleteWhat a twist. This was a fantastic story and had an interesting subject along with the structure. The time lapse confused me at first but after rereading it I finally understood what it meant. In the beginning I like how the speaker says that the funeral was comical because in all honesty, no one speaks bad of anyone after they die, or even their birthdays which is ironic because Moana was bashed on from the beginning of her life to the end. Great story I really enjoyed analyzing it.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteChristian Black
ReplyDelete11/19/14
Period 1
Wow Cynthia what an amazing piece. I expected nothing less but to be dazzled by your written work. I love how satirical the speaker is throughout the piece and how he talks about his sisters funeral. That was personally my favorite part is was full of imagery which helped me understand the speakers point of view. Great Job.
This piece is the most interesting piece I have read so far....like it was beautifully twisted? I'm not sure how to put it , but it was satirical, full of imagery, and full of wonder for the reader. I want to know what happens next. It is an exquisite piece.
ReplyDeleteThe characters and their developments where very vivid in this story and it made me as a reader more connected with the brother and his sister. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Altierre Paris Per.2
Cynthia i loved the way you talked about the characters in this story you described them so well another thing is that the story had a crazy twist in it you used a lot of good imagery in your story and i really want to know what happens next if you do write about the next part i hope it will be as good as this one.
ReplyDeleteOmid Raziani
Great story. I really enjoyed reading it. I loved how you were descriptive of the characters and the imagery you used in your story. I liked the way that you developed the characters throughout the story. Your plot had a very unique twist.
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Anastasi
P.5