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Monday, October 20, 2014

"Beware Terror" by Katheryn V

      The black ominous door creaks open and the frightened couple step inside not knowing what to expect. The small girl holds onto her partners jacket for dear life as the hallway is filled with dark shadows and menacing statues. On the outside he is calm and collected when internally he is screaming and frantically running around like a scared little boy who just saw Chucky for the first time. A green pale hand reaches out slowly with suspense as the couple hears recorded screams and yells throughout the hallway. The hand grabs them and they both let out a shrill. The hand goes back as the couple recollects themselves and carry on. What they didn't expect was the end. One final door. One says "death" the other "torture." They gave each other a confused glance and proceeded unsure to the door reading "death". Too bad they didn't realize their mistake before they stepped inside. Once they did darkness engulfed the room... Only a small light shimmered but it flickered. They couple distracted by the flickering late had yet to realize the monster waiting to sneak up on them. After staring at the lights flicker the hairy beast jumps out and both scream so high pitched it might have broken glass. The beast returned to its original position and the couple starts to breathe heavily in fear. They rush through the rest of the room, holding onto each other, hoping the nightmare will end. Yet they could not find a way to exit this mysterious "death" room. The girl starts to panic and the boy starts to breathe heavier than normal.
"Where's the exit?!" She exclaimed her soft yet fear filled voice shrilled. She tries to look at him with frightened light green eyes and he tries looks back with confused black eyes, but unable due to the dark abyssal room.
"I don't know," he answered. She felt a chill travel down her spine slowly and she tensed up.
"Was that you?" She asked, her voice breaking.
"Me what?" He replied, unsure where she was. Her hand had let go of his jacket and now they were both walking aimlessly around the room. Jokes on him. She knew everything that was occurring. She knew what was going to happen. He fears the house when he should fear her. They finally come across a lit hallway and he sighs in relief and looks at his girl.
"Light! We must be halfway there," he said with a giddy smile. While she just tilts her head and looks at him.
"Oh this is only the beginning," she said and wide devilish smile appears on her face. He looks at her in terror and she runs towards him... Then black.

She flutters her eyes open and glances around. She's still in bed with her guy. He is sound asleep and lazily snoring. She gazes at him and lies her head back down on the pillow. The smile appears on her face again.
"It was only a dream," she said with disappointment, "for now." Then her eyes go pitch black.

16 comments:

  1. I love this story ! The deception the suspense the wow!!!!! Now I wonder what happened after everything went pitch black ....???

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  2. Madison P. (period 4)October 29, 2014 at 2:37 PM

    I liked the amount of detail you put in after the dialogue of the couple. It enabled me to know the feelings and gave me as the reader an insight on the scene. You incorporated a hidden desire of the girl to have the dream be real life and wish this upon her partner, it really added another element. Overall, it was very detailed and filled with suspense, great job!

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  3. Oh dang! Well that took an unexpected turn! I loved the fact that you turned that around and made the girl the bad guy in this story. Perfect for Halloween! Great work!

    Alexis Huizar
    Period 5

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  4. Oh my gosh I thought this story was so creepy and crawly and great for the Halloween spirit. It was a really good plot twist that I was totally not expecting but I'm glad this stories like this. I love all the detail and everything about the story. Overall this piece was very good and flowed nicely!

    Sarah Skibby
    Period 6

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  5. I really enjoyed the suspense in this. The twist at the end was amazing. I liked how also this was from the girl's dream. It makes me yonder what will happen next.

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  6. This story was really good and had the perfect theme for Halloween. You`re use of detail was great and made me feel as if I were there witnessing it all happen. The way she woke up from the dream of what she did then still wanted to do it in real life was a good twist in the story.

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  7. Okay, this story was creepy, suspenseful, had a nice plot twist, and it was perfect for Halloween! I liked how it was from the girl's dream, but she resolves to make the dream a reality at the end. This was a good story!

    -Cristina Sanchez

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  8. This piece is so amazing. It literally had me on the edge of my seat. The double plot twist in the end really got me. When she woke up i thought the story was over but then i read on and realized it wasnt over. This piece was really entertaining.
    - Angel Ramirez
    Period 1

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  9. I really enjoyed the suspense in this. The twist at the end was amazing. I liked how also this was from the girl's dream. It makes me yonder what will happen next.

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  10. I really enjoyed the suspense in this. The twist at the end was amazing. I liked how also this was from the girl's dream. It makes me yonder what will happen next.

    -Pierce Bryant

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  11. This story was so scary. The suspense was the best part. I don't think her guy should stay with her anymore Hes going to die Great job

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  12. Marian Hollinquest
    Period 1
    Great story for Halloween. Making the female the bad guy was a very compelling twist. I really enjoy the horror drama in tv, movies, literature, etc and you highlight it well with the common motif within all of the good ones is the betrayal of the most trusted character . I loved it and well done.

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  13. Noah Martinez
    period 2
    Great story. This story was perfect for Halloween and the twist towards the end was good. Great Job!!!!

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  14. I absolutely love the amount of detail you used in this story! The details allowed me to picture what was going on like a little movie. The suspense was on point, it made me want to keep reading. Once I got to the end, I was shocked that the girl was dreaming, but also that she is actually evil like that and is trying to cause harm to this guy! Great sense of imagination and a very well written piece!
    Idalys Martinez
    Period 1

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  15. This was absolutely a fantastic story. I enjoyed the fact that you put a twist at the end of your story making the girl the bad guy. That is something that I did not expect to occur. Not only that, but the amount of imagery you used to display the nightmare the guy was going through, perfectly allowed me to gain a greater sense of the situation the man was in. I especially like the dialogue that is seen at the end where the woman states that it was only a dream for now. Amazing.

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  16. Good description of the room, I could feel like I was there. It was scary and i'm sure that many people have had many dreams like these. Great story.
    -Isaac
    per 6

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