May 21st, 1991
Everyday, I hit him a little
harder. Yeah, I know he’s only threeyearsold, but he needs to get stronger. My
wife doesn't say anything, well, because I only beat him when she’s away. My
boy doesn’t even try to hit me back, and, goddamn, does that make me angry, so
I hit him even harder. Yesterday, I asked my son what he wanted to be when he
grew up and he replied with, “A westler, daddy, you know, like the ones we see
fighting on the TV.” I want my son to accomplish his dream. I don’t want him to
end up like his old man. I just... I love my son so much.
September 1st, 2001
I haven’t seen my son in two
months, but it feels like decades have passed. My boy is thirteen and I can’t
teach him how to be a man. My wife, well exwife, caught me hitting him five
years back and left me that same day. That bitch even took all my visitation
rights away. She was always so selfish, but she did always deserve more than I
ever gave her. But, oh God, a part of me is missing without my little “westler”
around. I was just trying to teach him how to defend himself, but I guess I
couldn’t teach him to protect himself from “the monster” the court decided I
was. I didn’t want him to end up like his old man. I just... I love my son so
much.
January 17th, 2012
Every Sunday, I invite all my
friends over to watch the big fight because I am “the party guy”. Well, my
friends are beer and cigarettes, so they live at my house. When the fight
starts revving up, I’m fine. I have my friends close and my feet up. That only
lasts for a little while though because when the fighters come out my eyes
begin to well with tears and I start hyperventilating. He is so grown up. My
sweet, little “westler” isn’t really little anymore. And, goddamn, he wins
every fight he’s in. The determination in his eyes is nothing compared to his
components and it shows when he has the champion’s belt around his waist. Yet,
I can still see my threeyearold boy fighting against my fists and screaming for
his mother to come home. That will always haunt me. When they left, it was
really hard to wake up and not want to kill myself. But, man, nothing compares
to the heartache I feel when my son, on live TV, announces, “When I want to
win, I just imagine my dad's face on my opponent. I hope that bastard rots in
hell.” I am a grown man with white growing from my scalp and I cannot stop
crying. I am so grateful he didn’t end up like his old man. I just... I wish my
son knew that I love him so goddamned much.
Madison Pierce period 4
ReplyDeleteSeptember 8, 2014
Woah!!! Ambriell, I absolutely love your entry. It is thought provoking and gives way to a great overall message, a father makes mistakes but no matter how large they are his love never wavers. Your use of imagery allows me to understand the guilt the father feels for his actions and why the child is enraged with anger at his father's actions. The structure gives me as the reader a better understanding on the time span this took place and the maturing and growing up of both the father and the son.
I really enjoyed reading this! I loved the structure of this piece, this is very different because you see it in the point of view of an abusive father whose intentions were good but his method caused his son to grow up to resent his father. It seems the father does not know the error of his ways, but will always love his son and just wants his son to know that everything he did was because he loved him.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVED this. I love the structure; how you chose to date each section. It really shows the change in the father's life and how he gradually starts to realize that their are consequences for his actions. I really loved how I could feel the emotion in it. I also really loved how you ended each paragraph or little section with the father saying he loved his son. I love how it shows he didn't have the intentions of hurting his family. It really shows how love hurts, and we can hurt others who love us and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteMadi Cordura P.1
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this! I love how you structured this piece; the way you started each section with a date really made me want to read more. It have the piece a unique touch. I also loved how each section was a certain amount of years later and it showed a completely different place in the fathers life. I also really thought it was cool how you ended each section with the father saying that he loved his son. It shows how his intentions weren't to hurt his family but he just has an issue that he couldn't control. It really emphasizes how love hurts and how we may hurt those who we love and vice versa. I loved reading this. :)
I loved every word of it. So compelling and the emotion was clearly displayed. I could feel myself there watching all these events occur, the imagery you use just made different pictures flow through my mind as I read. This was truly so insightful and I loved how even though the father did all of that, he only did it because he truly cared and loved his son. So good job and I loved it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing writer! The imagery you used and the way you wrote the story are me feel like i was his best friend and he was writing to me. How you wrote the story, showing us what the father was thinking and feeling, shows an example of what people who beat their kids may be thinking, it gives us a new perspective.
ReplyDelete-Mariah Rhodes
The imagery in this piece is so compelling... I felt myself witnessing all of these events live and in person. The message behind this story was truly magnificent. Although the son never understood it, his father loved him... All his actions were out of love... Makes it that more powerful a and meaningful. I loved it.
ReplyDelete-Katheryn Valle Period 4.
I really liked this piece. It's so true how a father wants their son to improve better than them. I felt like I could really understand this piece because my father is hard on me to try to make me better. I really liked the point of view and how the father still loves his son even though his son hates him.
ReplyDelete-Pierce Bryant
I felt tears well up in my eyes; the father just wanted his son to grow strong, and he did, but the son also grew with resentment in his heart. Gah, I'm not going to be able to get this story out of my mind for a while. I felt sympathy for the son in the first entry, then pity for the father in the last. Realizing his mistakes too late and regretting it, but it was too late to fix his mistakes...I really enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDelete-Cristina Sanchez
Bethany Stitt 11, 2014 at 4:45 PM
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story because you get to see the fathers point of view and how he loved his son so much. What he did was because he loved his son. I would have never guessed what the father thought if this story was told by his son. I think this is a very unique piece of writing. Great Job!
Christian Black Period 1
ReplyDeleteSeptember 9, 2014
This piece is absolutely amazing, no matter how many times I read it I can never get enough of it. The speakers point of view is so crazy so twisted that the reader feels sorry for him. His abusive way of expressing his love for his son caused his son to hate him. Its sad, because you tell yourself that the father was completely wrong for treating his son like that, but you cant help but have a since of empathy for his twisted feelings.
I really liked this passage because the dad was writing in a diary or journal which made it really different which made it entertaining to read. Also it was really good because at through the story it showed how the son became who he is.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, I really enjoyed this piece! The storyline was very unique, and caught me a little off guard. However I loved how you told the perspective through the father. Especially since stories like these are often replayed through the eyes of the victim. Your play on imagery was exceedingly vivid, and really allowed me feel pity for the father. I also loved how you included the interview of the son, and his view of the circumstances. I enjoyed the line of repetition on the end as well, to add true heart and merit.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on a truly inspiring piece! :)
This piece was really amazing. Right after the first paragraph, I was really hooked and I wanted to keep reading. I love how each entry is set in a different stage of the father's life. I felt like it gave a whole new perspective of fathers who beat their son. Although I believe child abuse is wrong, if the father never beat his son, then his son might have never succeeded. It reminds me that everything happens for a reason.
ReplyDeleteIt is rare that a story this short has this much meaning. You really do use every word wisely to convey a powerful message without wasting time inserting "fluff" into your writing. I also admire the unique take on a common social problem, most people fail to consider both sides of stories such as this and although child abuse is a horrible and atrocious crime many people fail to realize that most of the time the parents feel like they are doing what is right for their children in the name of love. Great Job!
ReplyDelete-Jacob Horne
Fantastic job Ambriell! Your entry left me with a little bit of tears in them. By formatting your piece as a journal, you could really see, through connotation, that the father mentally functions differently than a father would typically behave. The format also gave a look into the time period and the progression of the father and his family. I also liked how this piece gave the perspective of the abuser, rather than of the abused, and the readers could pick up that the father did in fact love his son dearly, but his love was too physical and not appropriate for a child to face at all. Your use of imagery and diction provided the readers with more of an insight on the slight growth of the father, the intensity of his guilt and sorrow, his actions, and even the hatred that developed in his son! Once again, great job!
ReplyDeleteHallie Deeds
ReplyDeletePeriod: 4
I really enjoyed readin this story. I really like how you structured the story I like how you put the nicknames the dad uses for things In there it feels like you are there having the dad explaining this to your but just explain a little bit more and this story would be even better. Good job.
i really enjoyed your story. i felt like i was apart of your story you were very detailed. id love to read more stories like this.
ReplyDeleteDaniel Jackson period 2
ReplyDeleteSeptember 14,2014
This story is cool. I like the lesson it teaches about abusing your children, and that there is always a better way to handle the situation. My favorite part is when the dad watches the TV and sees his son saying that whenever he wants to win, he imagines his dad is his opponent. Great job!
This story was great! It shows how the father would poorly teach their kid and how the father tried to make his child stronger, but the way he did it was not in a good way. The dad made his child hate him so much because of that and it kind of reminds me of the show Naruto, about Sasuke and Itachi and showing how strong hatred can become, but due to the father abusing the child, his dream came true. But it sucks that the child will never know how much the dad loves him and why he beat him so much as a kid.
ReplyDeleteI. Loved. It! The choice of showing us the story through the eyes of the dad was an excellent choice in perspective. Usually you hear stories of child abuse through the perspective of the child like the amazing story A Child Called It. In a Child Called it we feel our hearts well up with hatred for the abusive mother. Versus with your story we our hearts are conjested with sympathy and sorrow for the father that just wanted to show his son the meaning of his love. Truly splendid!
ReplyDelete-Cynthia Alcala
Jack Myers
ReplyDeletePeriod: 1
Wow. That was absolutely amazing Ambriell. It had so much emotion behind it and setting it up as a few journal entries over a long span of time allowed for imagination of what happened in between each journal entry. It's interesting to have the point of view from the abusive father. By telling the story from the point of view of the father you made me feel sorry for the father whereas if you told it from the son's point of view I would have felt no empathy for the father.
Isabelle Huynh
ReplyDeletePer. 1
This was great! I absolutely love the entry style format you used. The time skips really kept me engaged and the diction used made me so much more emotionally invested. The viewpoint of this character really shows great insight on who he really is and why he behaves the way he does. Fantastic job!
Marian Hollinquest
ReplyDeletePeriod 1
Your story brings insight of the thought process of what this type of father thinks rather than the norm of immediately accusing him of being a monster inside and out; which in this story he may not be. Or he could. This story brings about a sort of sympathy among men like this while also expressing a deep regret that we all can't escape, though it may not be to this capacity. I love altered forms of clichéd and overtold stories, such as fairy tales, legends, and sadly, this situation.
Well done.
This piece really impacted me!I feel like when you hear about stories like this , you hear about it being very one sided and only hearing from the victim. This gives a different perspective on things. This allows me to see that the Father loved his son, just not in the right way.This showed me that sometimes people just do not know how to show their love.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing :)
-Gabriela Marin per.6
Kaleha Spencer
ReplyDeletePeriod: 4
Hands down this was my favorite story on the blog! You told the story so well with only three mini paragraphs. The story was very deep and interesting, although it seemed to be a sad story, I could kind of see the hope in the end. The man did hurt his son but in a way it seemed that he also helped him. I really enjoyed this story GREAT JOB!! ;D
Alexis Huizar
ReplyDeleteWow this was a very touching story. At first I was confused at what was happening but once I understood it, it was absolutely amazing! The way the story was told through journal entries through the fathers perspective was very interesting. Its different because we usually don't hear from the abuser's point of view and reading this makes me feel bad for the poor guy and how he just wanted the best for his son. I loved it!
Tommy McDonnell
ReplyDeleteperiod 2
great way to start off the story! Its sadly relatable to some kids. you gave lots of detail and emotion into it. It reminds me of how Adrian Peterson's son was beaten as a child by another adult. over all great detail and a great story.
Noah Martinez
ReplyDeletePeriod:2
Wow really nice story I like the way you divided it in three different time frames. It is also good how you used supporting details. Great job!!
Tedman Nguyen
ReplyDeletePeriod: 1
Ambriell, I really enjoyed how you used 3 different periods as journal entries. It shows development of the little boy and how as he grew up his resentment towards his father grew. Despite the father's true intentions of ensuring that his little boy doesn't become like him, but his son never realized. I believe the tough love the father gave had a consequence and a reward. The reward being the growth and maturity present in the father's little boy, the consequence being the growth of the little boy's hatred of his father. I can deeply relate to this story, and I truly enjoyed it.
Angel Ramirez
ReplyDeletePeriod 1
I'm not lying when I say that i really loved this piece so much. The story had such an impact on my day. I think the best part is the way you structured the piece. By making it a journal you described the sons whole life in just three journal entries. But the fact that you made it the Dad's perspective just mad it so much better. I honestly enjoyed reading your piece and is my favorite so far.
I really loved how the story was written as diary entrys . It really showed how much the dad truly loved his son. This took me back to the book A Child Called It and had my feel like the father was the victim even though he was the abuser. (imalla ramirez , period 6 )
ReplyDeletePeriod 1:
ReplyDeleteYou know how to capture the audience within the first sentence. His unique and questionable perspective of providing love drives those he "loves" away, even though he believes he is making his son a better person. But your manipulation of imagery knocked me out on how I can relate the father's pain to loneliness. When you personify cigarettes and beer as his only friends, I easily imagine him using these vices in attempting to drown his guilt. He lives without any real human relationship as he drove off both his wife and son, so he turns to alcohol and nicotine to replace them. Please keep writing!
Sara Arredondo
ReplyDeletePeriod: 4
I really love the way you made the short story like a journal. It helps the reader see through the fathers eyes and even though you don't want to feel sorry for the father, you cant help but feel sorry for him because his only true mistake was not knowing how to show his love for his son and that led him to be alone in the end. It's also interesting that you decided to tell the story from the father's point of view because had it been told from the son's, i wouldn't have felt any sympathy for the father.
Absolutely amazing. I don't usually like great emotional stories, but yours is unique. By telling the story in the father's point of view, I get a whole new side of the story. I actually feel sorry for the father because it seems that he truly believed he was doing the right thing. Also, by adding the dates of each anecdote, I get to see how the father's life deteriorates without his son. Usually, people get to see the troubled life of the young, abused child, but here, you've given us the story of a distressed father.
ReplyDeleteAmbriell--
ReplyDeleteNice work, girly!! I appreciated the structure of this piece above everything. It was fresh and innovative. The storyline is moving with a resfreshing, psychological spin that made me ache in my bones. I defintely can feel the emotion pushed through onto the father as he battles his internal struggles with his external ones, and this creates for a heavier atmosphere. All in all, a great piece.
Ambriell--
ReplyDeleteNice work, girly!! I appreciated the structure of this piece above everything. It was fresh and innovative. The storyline is moving with a resfreshing, psychological spin that made me ache in my bones. I defintely can feel the emotion pushed through onto the father as he battles his internal struggles with his external ones, and this creates for a heavier atmosphere. All in all, a great piece.
Ambriell, you did a great job! I loved how you showed the point of view of the father/abuser instead of the typical side of the person being abused, in this case the son. It was very refreshing to read such a different piece! It was great that you opened with such an interesting sentence and were straight to the point in every entry. Your piece was very moving. I loved that it was short, yet very meaningful. It kept me intrigued! Great job!
ReplyDelete- Sophia Bobadilla P.1
Ambriell you really blew me away!!! Although the man's testimonies may come off as depressing and dark, I really like how at the end, the son actually did accomplish his dreams despite the odds of coming from a broken home especially with an abusive father. I also really love the insight put into it by the abuser instead of the abused. Way to break the classic victim cliché!
ReplyDelete-Jacob Valdez
Period 4
The point of view and the visual aid that time passed by really creates this sympathetic empathy for the father. Even though he beats his son, it is a form of love. Which is sickening but also provokes questions about the father sanity and just what the heck he thinks love is. But this story is powerful and entertaining to read. I would give you three thumbs up but I only have two so.. here's two enthusiastic thumbs up!
ReplyDelete-Katelynn G p.4
Destiny Rodriguez
ReplyDeletePeriod: 6
Your such an amzing writer! I loved how the father learned from his consequences. I loved how you made the years pass by. But overall,it was amazing.
Wow that was such a great story, I especially liked the way you structured it aswell. Your story was hard to stop reading and it really pulled me in. Amazing work!
ReplyDelete-Daniel Alaniz
Per.4
This piece was extremely touching. I liked how you pulled me in in the begginning, and then blew me away in the end. At first, I did not realize that the child hated his father, but more towards the end I came to realization that the child has no clue how much his father loved him and still does. This dramatic irony, I believe, played a great role in the whole outcome of the story. -Nate Shepard
ReplyDeleteWow, what an amazing story Ambriell! I really loved the fact that reading this was straightforward and raw. You didn't hold back from using a language not many of us are use to reading. It comes off as surprising and enjoyable to the point where I wish there was more to read! The structure of the story helped me organize the different events of the father's life. This was a hard hitting and strong piece of writing, it left me wanting to know more about the father's incentive on hitting his son and why he only wanted the son not to end up like him. Overall, great job!
ReplyDelete-Jamie Alarcon P.5
Wow. That was a very powerful story. I love all the detail you put into the characters. It had a good point of view from the father. You definitely have a future in writing! Great job!
ReplyDelete-Nick Hinojosa Period 2
Your story was so compelling! From the first sentence I was hooked and it made me curious to read more. I love the perspective you took, and how you told the story from the father's point of view in journal entries. From the tone and use of language I could really understand the father's character and emotion. You're so courageous using all those curse words, but it worked really well! I loved the irony you put into this story. The father loved his son so much, yet he still beat him. Made me question the father and why he sounds convinced it was acceptable to hit his son. Also, Growing up he wanted to teach his son how to be a man, but how can he when he doesn't have quality man-like traits to teach? Not that I could relate to this piece, but it really made me feel for the dad. He has good intentions and love, but it's sad to read how he wasn't capable of showing it. Overall, you left me wanting to read more!
ReplyDelete-Jeremie Alarcon period 4
Amazing story!!! I liked how it was structured as journal entries because it allowed me, the reader, to connect with the father even more by hearing his thoughts in a free and loose manner. Great job!!! -Altierre Paris
ReplyDeleteAmazing!! I love reading the kind of journal/diary stories. I really felt as if i was the father, like i was in that situation. Really enjoyed it good job!! :D
ReplyDeleteI really loved everything about this piece. Really nice job on capturing the perspective, emotion, and opinions of the father. I really liked how you pieced together 3 journal entries and they told so much background into the lives in three short paragraphs that captured me and leaving me, wanting to read more. Each paragraph flowed so nicely into the next. I also really loved how you took something that is seen as an negative action and twisted it into a act of love that the father shows toward his son. Really nice job!
ReplyDeleteSimran Bajwa
ReplyDeletePeriod 1
Ambriell, this piece was devised in such a simple, yet effective method! The use of a journal entry allowed me to view the progression of the father and son, and how they changed over time. The perspective of the abuser instead of the abused really expanded my horizon of the situation due to the fact, rarely have I ever read anything from the view of the abuser. The father feels only a tad bit of remorse due to the fact his son will only view his father as a bastard, but in the end, the father is happy knowing that his son didn't turn out to be like "his old man" and how his son is actually out there living his dream. The reader can be sympathetic with the father seeing this perspective. This piece is really touching and I felt as if I was there witnessing all this happening due to the fact this piece is filled with vivid imagery. Great job! :)
Wow. From the very beginning to the end, your piece was truly captivating. There is already an authentic originality in your piece in that it was formatted in a way a journal would be, but then the story takes it a step further. It really was mind-bending to grasp the idea that a father figure believed that the best way to be one is to not be one at all to the young boy. His method of madness did work, at the cost of his own family. I think the most interesting part of this whole piece is the irony that the father's love caused pain, but from this pain he made the son become what he was meant to be. Seeing this from the perspective of the "abusive father" was really interesting and made me feel sympathetic for him, even with his actions.
ReplyDelete-Ellamae Armado. Period 1
Period 2
ReplyDeleteWow that was absolutely amazing I think it couldn't have been written any better. It was really captivating and used very vivid imagery and very detailed great job!!!
That was just beautiful Ambriell, amazing job honestly. The whole concept of a boy overcoming his father's mistakes is just breath taking and especially the use of imagery on the father's final expression on how the monster still ached for love and a brighter future for his child. Just that point of view and the detail of his thoughts made my heart sink but in a good way. Not many stories are told in the monster's perspective. Thank you for writing this Ambriell, it's just awesome.
ReplyDelete-Mahlon Howard: Period 4
I think what I like the best about this story is the excessive use of irony, which is basically the entire first entry and then again when he wants to teach his son how to be a man but his son grows up to be an even better man than he could've ever taught him to be. I also really like is the understatement of his addiction to alcohol and cigarettes. I feel like the piece could be even more powerful in some parts if the vocabulary fit the character better like how in Push by Sapphire, Precious didn't have the best education but her ideas and experiences were genuine and her writing was heartfelt although grammatically incorrect and had hundreds if not thousands of spelling mistakes.
ReplyDeleteDamairis Lao. Period 1
Evelin Conde
ReplyDeletePeriod 5
I reread this story a couple of times because I was really trying to get a full understanding. It was really captivating, showing the manner in which "love" is expressed in different manners. This one being obviously the worst manner of love but still the father believes that he is doing right by his child. When all the child ever learned was to have hatred toward his father. Sometimes parents think they know whats best for us but clearly there not always in the right. I very much understood the direction you were heading towards and you truly did a beautiful job. I felt emotion with every word which is really important for a reader to keep interested and you did a perfect job!
Wow. That was truly amazing. This piece was very well written with great imagery and expressed so much emotions. I was hooked from the title and could not stop reading. With the tone and language, I could really understand and feel the fathers emotions. I loved how this piece was focused on the fathers perspective. In most pieces similar to this, it would only express the child's point of view. But this showed how the father had good intention, but expressed in a method that just pushed his son further away from him. You can feel the emotion of regret and sadness from the father in the end. This piece shows that there are consequences to our actions and it may just hurt the ones we love most.
ReplyDelete- Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
Jaena Fabia
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
At first, i felt as if i were reading those cheesy diary entries they make for "google" commercials or "apple" in where they would take a mother or father figure as the hook, but as i kept reading it, I knew this piece had a different point of view (as well with an amazing hook). Your written piece is very thought provoking in a way that is almost heart breaking and satisfying at the same time. I like how you used a the first person narrative so we as the audience can take a glimpse of a father's love for his son and his emotions and triumphant happiness as he sees his son grow up and be the man his father always wanted him to be. The contrast of the father's tone as being a failure, shares the question amongst readers if the son's success were the father's success all along... Amazing. I loved every single word of it.
XOXO- missjaena
Ambriell, this was such a well structured piece from beginning to end! I loved how you told the story from the point of view of the abuser for a change and how the use of irony was prominent throughout the entire story. This is such a real topic to touch upon and I feel like you did so in a brilliant way. This piece provokes so many emotions and I truly enjoyed reading it. Fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteIdalys Martinez
ReplyDeletePeriod 1
This piece is outstanding. The amount of emotion portrayed through the piece is mind blowing. I loved how quickly I got hooked to the story. With the language used and the detail, I could really connect with the father's feelings. The point of view was very different compared to other stories, which really caught my attention. You wrote the piece from the father's perspective allowing the audience to see that he did have good intentions for his, but didn't know how to show them properly. While I was reading this, I really was able to connect with the father and feel the sadness within the words that were being written...wonderful job! This piece is amazing!
Richie Gaspers
ReplyDeletePeriod 5
That was disturbingly brilliant. I loved how you used the three journal entries to show a long period of time and gradual change in the father. That line from his son on tv was a powerful reminder that nothing can motivate us more than hate. I loved reading that, great job Ambriell.
valerie perez
ReplyDeleteperiod 6
This was a really well written story I really loved how it had a stucture based as a journal and each are different years. You can tell while you are reading that included emotions and great detail in this amazing story.
Ambriell, your piece was extremely touching and thought provoking. The fact that you told the story from the abuser's point of view really made this piece one of a kind. Often times, I think parents act with the best intentions to protect their children, but end up doing more harm than good to those that they love. I expected the son to grow up and become anything but a wrestler, seeing as this is what caused his father to beat him so often, but the fact that he ended up being what his father wanted him to be was interesting. I think this conveys the message to the audience that despite of the harm that comes from parents trying to live through their children, kids have a tendency to adhere to these expectations, ultimately seeking to make their parents proud. I can definitely relate to this piece. Good job Ambriell!
ReplyDeleteMerosa Uiagalelei
ReplyDeletePeriod 5
I really enjoyed this piece! I felt all of the emotions I think were intended for the reader, personally I can relate to the father's tough love. Although not necessarily through physical abuse but through my father's lack of athletic encouragement for me. I especially loved that the audience receives not only the narrator's view but also the son's. I believe it brings to light and ties together the many emotions with in the piece. All in all, this piece is magnificent and extremely well written!
P4
ReplyDeleteI like how this story is different, coming from the fathers point of view. It gives an insight of another perspective to the situation and made me feel a little sad even though the son was successful. It was interesting to see how the dad thinks what he did was right and how he really thought he was helping his son. The structure was effective as it read like journal entries that revealed the fathers point of view and spanned over 20 years from when the boy is young until he is an adult.
This entry was truly a tragic and simple tale. When I first began to read it, I noticed how you used the word "westler". At first, I thought it was an error in typing so I didn't pay much attention to it. But it kept coming up, each time spelled without the "r". And I finally made the realization that it was no mistake. That missing r served a poignant purpose, and the second I knew this, I felt as though a steel fist had punched me in the stomach. That simple use of innocent diction added so much to this piece. In the end, it allowed me to reluctantly sympathize with this sad, frail, pathetic monster of a man. A true sentiment to regrets, consequences, and loss. Truly a tragically beautiful piece of writing.
ReplyDelete-Andy Reinschmidt Per 4
This "journal entry" is infact not even a journal entry but the recollection of a father's memories and thoughts. While reading this entry I was able to really understand the hurt of both the father because he has lost his son with out a chance of getting him back as well as the son and how betrayed he felt because of the actions of his father since he was merely an infant. Unable to protect himself. By far the bes thing I have read in a long time. Keep up the great work and keep writing. You have a true talent.
ReplyDeleteI really like what you wrote. The dad sounded crazy but in reality, he loved his son. This was awesome
ReplyDelete- Cassandra Arroyo
Ambriell, your piece was well written and especially touching. The way you formatted it in a journal entry form, allowed the reader to feel as if they were reading the fathers experience from a journal he kept. I especially enjoyed the message of how a parents indirect love and support caused this child to be successful. Overall, I personally enjoyed this piece. Great job! Keep writing because you are truly a talented and gifted author.
ReplyDelete-Hector Solorzano
As hard-hitting as the first time you read it to me. An absolutely fantastic character study, on both the son and the father. I really hope you do something with this one, it's one of my favorites of yours. Toodaloo indeed. Or toodeloo. Whichever is the preferred. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAmbriell, your piece was well written and especially touching. I loved how you formatted it into a journal entry it made me feel as if i was seeing the story in my head. I love how you connected indirect love into this because all though we may not know it our parents love us and know what is best even if we do not see right away. You really talented and an awesome writer and i hope i get to read more of your writings in the future.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness Ambrielle, I swear, you never fail to impress me. I absolutely love this piece. I love how you were able to make the "bad guy" (father) seem like the good guy. Everyone looks as him as a monster, an abuser, but through our eyes, we see him as a man who loves his son and all he wanted to do was make him strong, and why? Because he loved him. I think it's crazy that you were able to do that and you were able to play with my emotions with your piece of writing. When I read the first line in which he hit his three year old son, all I could think about was how much I disliked this guy already, but as I kept reading, I realized that he isn't the man who I thought he was. It's funny because I judged a book by it's cover, without really seeing it physically, but picturing it. It's weird how we as people do that without even realizing it. I love how your piece was able to be an attention grabber and an attention keeper. I sure hope you plan to post more writings on the blog. I'm definitely excited to see what it is that goes through your mind!
ReplyDelete-Katrina Dorado P.5
Ambriell, this was one of the most thought-provoking stories I have ever read. I particularly enjoyed how the story was formatted in a time span-the reader really got a strong grasp on how the relationship between the father and the son evolved over time. I thought it was very interesting how what the father saw as love was truly abuse in the eyes of the son, yet at the end the father just wanted to teach his son how to be a man and how to be successful. Great piece, I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteYES. I was intrigued and intertwined to the whole formatting of this piece and really gave a different approach in comparison to others. While analyzing and reading over and over your piece its amazing how heavy this whole story was but, the way you described it ,made it even more compelling. Awesome job
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story especially because I didn't really expect the son to become a wrestler but even though he did he will never know how much his father really loved him. - Aliza
ReplyDeleteIsaiah Johnson
ReplyDeletePeriod 1.
Your diction, imagery, and characterization was absolutely superb. The use of curse words makes these journal entries more realistic and you can almost feel the sorrow of the abusive father. The part that really touched me is when the father asked his son what he wanted be when he grew up because the father wanted nothing for the best for him yet his son would never know that. He wanted his to be better than he was, be the man and father he wasn't. I could see the father sitting down drinking, smoking, and most importantly crying. I loved reading this peace and will continue to read it over and over again.
Ambriell your piece of writing was amazing. What i liked most about it was how i was able to laugh at the funny pieces i saw in the writing. I laughed at how ironic it was that the father tried his very best to help his son become a better person than he ever was, but at the end of everything his son wants to beat up his father for all the times he was beat up, plus he has a deep hatred for his loving father. That part was ironically funny.
ReplyDeleteVery important message. I was feeling for all of the characters because they were all in situations in which they had little control over. The man even couldn't control his own anger and felt as if his actions were wrong even when he was doing them. The fact that the boy wanted to be a wrestler spoke to my defensive side and suddenly i felt that the boy was right to decide to fight back in his own way. Truly amazing! Thank you.
ReplyDelete- Frederick Sagoe
I really enjoyed the piece. I liked your choice to tell the story from the fathers point of view. This gives the reader insight into why the father did what he did, and it reveals that this was the fathers twisted way of showing his love. The journal entry style helps show how the father grows throughout the story and learns that he was wrong. This was a great story with a deep message. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis was so amazing to read I loved everything about it! I loved how it showed the fathers point of view because even though in others eyes it may seem like what he did was terrible but the father had his own perception of it and in the end, it actually really benefited his son. The father knew he would lose someone he loved very much but did it for the benefit of his son and it really showed what love is about-regardless of the way he showed it. It gave me a whole new way of looking at things. This was so amazing I am so happy to have read it! Great job, really!!
ReplyDelete-Caitlin Nguyen
I enjoyed your story very much and I like how you did the fathers point of view. Most of the parts in your story were very detailed and were very descriptive. It was good to know ho w bad he felt for treating his son the way he did.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you explained the story and how he regrets hitting him all the time and now he can't teach his son how to wrestle
ReplyDelete-Angel Gonzalez
Period 2
i really liked ur story mostly i liked how u related it to the real world also i liked the oart when the father watched the kid thrive, while he suffered
ReplyDelete-Oscar Rodriguez period6
The format of the story really caught my eye at first glance. I enjoy the diary type of structure you created. Your choice of using the father's point of view also added a unique twist compared to the point of view of the child or omniscient narrator.
ReplyDeletePhilip Ahn
ReplyDelete4th
Wow! Ambriell I absolutely loved your piece. I loved how you used imagery and how you expressed a lot of emotions in your piece. I liked how it was about a father's love and how he tries to make his son happy. And how the way the father shows his love towards his son is different from what the child sees. Overall, I loved your piece. Keep up the amazing work. <3 <3 <3
Ambriell,
ReplyDeleteThe ways in which your piece were able to create such a broad story arc within three short diary entries is absolutely astounding, and it is the mark of an eloquently written piece when the reader develops either an adoration or disgust for the characters because the author so vividly breathed them into existence. As for the format: the organization of the different places in time and the perspective of the abusive father expresses the humanity of those that we find reprehensible: people may do disgusting things, but they have these intricate thought processes and emotions. You effectively captured the human pattern of undergoing our various falls from grace, the father's being his abusive nature, to our catharsis and redemption through rebirth. I truly believe that you're a gifted writer.
–Fernando Mauri, Period 1
I really enjoyed this story. I liked how the father kept hitting him harder and harder to make him tough at the age of 3. As the son said he wanted to become a wrestler, he did and maybe his dad made him become one. Im glad I read this piece, good gob!
ReplyDeleteperiod 2
ReplyDeleteI loved your entry. After reading the title “A Testament of a Loving Father”, I thought I was in for a happy and sappy story about a father’s love for his children so; I was very surprised to find that your entry was not sappy at all. The point of view of the story is very interesting as the case almost 100% of the time in this type of situation is always retold in the victim’s point of view. I felt very conflicted as I was reading the story because one moment I was very angry at the father, but in another I began to pity him. I was not pleased with the way the father chose to treat his son, but I also pitied him because he seemed to have no other way in which he believed he could express and care for his son. Also, I connected this entry with the issue of males always having to be strong figures. Always having to maintain a strong and masculine image may have made it harder for the father to approach his son in a more loving, emotional way. He frustratingly chose to continue on with being a tough male and raising his own son to be a tough male using violence, eventually causing his own son to foster hate for him.
ReplyDeleteYour work both challenges and captivates your readers. It's incredible how the audience is torn between understanding the speakers perspective and what they know to be morally right. I hope you post more because your work is completely unique and thought provoking.
ReplyDelete-Adan C.
this story that you wrote was very well explained i loved it. That took a very sad turn at the end, but i think that's what made it so good. Your use of time was very interesting and use of knowledge.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem. I especially liked the way you set up it up, to see the progression of the family, and the different dynamic of it, because this is not the ideal family, that any of us would want. I also like the way to told the story through the perception of the father, so you understand the father and his motives for his actions, and through this you build sympathy for him, even though his actions do not deserve sympathy at all, it is formed because we can some what relate to what he is feeling which seems like frustration, and the dad is unable to express his feeling for his sons the right way and therefore, he does it physically, where the message is not comprehended by the son. This poem was sad, and it made me appreciate the life I live, and the family I have now.
ReplyDeleteKayla Fulton
Period 1
Your piece of writing really moved me. I loved how I was able to feel the anger and regret the father was feeling. You are an amazing writer!
ReplyDelete-Jobelle Dauz Period 2
I really liked this piece. It had me thinking the whole time the little boy was going to thank his father but in the end he hated his father and the reason why hes so good because he thought of his opponent as his father. Very good use of irony! It also had me thinking a lot about what was going to happen to the father if he was ever going to see his son. I also really like how you structured this piece because it was in letters and i found it really interesting. Great job! I loved it. It was super interesting! Also very suspenseful l enjoyed reading this very much!
ReplyDeleteAmbriell,
ReplyDeleteYour piece made me sad, happy, angry, and forgiving all at once. I love the style you chose to write in as if it were a diary entry. I feel that even though you didn't describe in detail who the main characters were and what they were like, I was still able to understand what was going on because you developed the characters through their emotions and dialogue. I really enjoyed your story! The repetition at the end of each entry really stood out to me and made everything come together. Amazing.
Leasia Spicer
Period 4
Your piece really touched me. Coming from divorced parents I really felt like I connected to it. I loved how you put a lot of mixed emotions into the characters. I loved how you mixed both love and anger into your piece. I really liked your style of writing and it really suited the piece very well. It showed the different time frames of each event in the fathers life and what he was seeing and going through at the time. I really enjoyed reading your piece. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Anastasi
P. 5
when i started reading ur story I loved the way u repeated ur self and the way u used words that gave me a felling of how the dad was like
ReplyDeleteWilliam bema
period 2
This story was very well written especially since it is from a completely different point of view. My favorite part by far is the bitter-sweet ending of the son getting his dream and his father's pride from it despite ruining their relationship.
ReplyDeleteMargaret Moyer
P.5
I really enjoyed this story, I think the structure you chose complemented the storyline. It allowed the reader to see the father's mindset over the course of the years as well as the perspective of the son and how he reacted to his father as he grew up. The word choice also gave a sense of the who the father was. Overall, it was great I loved it and it makes me want to keep reading.
ReplyDelete-Diana Padilla
period 1
I enjoyed the way you formatted the work to give the story variety. The speaker’s voice is extremely clear and the audience is able to sympathize with his motives. His intention was absolute and it creates a sense of attempting empathy. It was incredibly structured and my personal favorite of the month. Between syntax and grammar, it was well written and professionally done. Outstanding.
ReplyDelete-Thuy Cao
This story so far has to be my favorite on the blog. It was amazingly touching and well articulated. At first when I began reading it, I though it was just about the relationship of a father and his son, but when I saw the repetition of "I love my son so much" then I knew that it was much more than a relationship. You used such descriptive detail, and I like how you personified the cigarettes and beers and called them the father's friends.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story!
I absolutely loved your piece. The way you set the scene was impeccable. I felt so apart of the family and was torn. I felt for the father but at the same time disgusted. This was thought provoking, sad and happy all in one. You are such a beautiful writer and I hope you continue to post!
ReplyDelete-Leah Hernandez
I really enjoyed your piece because unlike many peers of ours, you break down the one of the most difficult issues of our times. When dealing with dysfunctional families you not only explain the painful, shocking events but explain them through the abuser, in this case, the father's, point of view. Well done and I hope to read more of your work soon enough.
ReplyDeleteAndrew Trinidad
Period 1